Photo of portrait of Louis XIV at the front of the Grotto of Thetis.  This has an interesting story which I will recount now.

While under hypnosis, trying to discover who it is that I had been in a past lifetime, I underwent many variety of experiences, most of which I had not known anything about at all so that I had to search for information, and wait for others who could explain it to me.  One such experience involved this Grotto of Thetis. I shall explain what happened in my memory recall. It taught me that I was in my astral body whenever I went back in time. 

You must look at the top of the photo to see the sun disk that is there. When I went back in time, this is the first thing that I saw. I was up close and near to it so that I could see exactly how it looked from that persepctive. I was not on the ground. I felt as though I were floating. I then was inside the Grotto, and on the ground or floor of the place where I could see the rays from the light outside which lit up the floor.  It was a fantastic experience, and the interior seemed like a dedication to the seaworld. I knew nothing of Thetis at that time. I did not know that she was a goddess of the sea so I did not understand all the variety of sea life that dominated the interior but I could see it clearly.  It  was very impressive.

The grotto I later learned was built during the beginning of the campaign of the Chateau de Versailles. As it turns out, Thetis is the mother of Achilles, the great legend of the story of the Iliad of whom Homer wrote. Achilles is a very famous figure from Greek history, and so happens to be the hero of Alexander the Great.  At the time of the return to the past in which I clearly saw the sun disk on top the grotto, and the interior of the grotto from the ground floor, I knew nothing of Alexander the Great or Achilles except for a very superficial and dull reference in some past history lesson.

I did not know anything about Louis XIV either.  I was a total knownothing about all this history. Yet the sun disk at the top of Grotto appeared huge to me in size and impressed me so that when I finally found this portrait I learned where it is that I had been.  There are engravings of the interior of the grotto.  There were cove like areas where the sealife was displayed.  But my interest had been the rays on the floor of the grotto as they lit the interior from outside.

I am sharing some of the photos that I have taken pictures of from a book on the gardens of the Versailles.

Guns and Gun Control

A big rewrite here.

I have been laughing at the petition to deport Piers Morgan back to England because of his position on gun control.  I find it ridiculous to think that people who want to bear arms and to own guns can be so defensive when by rights they should be demanding better means of gun control.

I do not own a gun. I would not want to own a gun unless I knew how to handle it properly.  I have once used a rifle just to learn how to handle it.  But unlike Annie Oakley, I did not acquire a liking for them. I have never felt the need to own a gun.  Sometimes I have wished I had one, but that was only when I was angry and wanted to use it against someone.  However, I have always believed that if I owned one, it might be too easy to overpower me and wrestle it away from me. I think of all the reasons why having a gun is a stupid move for me to make.

There are incidents of gun use in my family.  One involved a tragic accident when an uncle accidentally shot a neighbor when both were playing with a loaded gun, and it went off unexpectedly. It frightened my uncle so badly that he ran for miles out of town until he came to my cousin's home where he explained what happened. I guess he thought he must have killed the kid and was scared to death.  We never forgot that episode in his life.

My mother owned a gun and used it once when I was a kid in elementary school.  A prowler had come to the back door which frightened her enough to go outside to fire a shot as a warning to anyone to stay away from the house.  At that time, she lived alone only with my brother and me.  So she felt it necessary to protect herself is what I conclude now.

Years later, she used it to defend me against abuse and wrongdoing. I appreciated her for that.

But many years later, my dad used both his rifle and a pistol that he kept in the house. That changed my life forever.   He attempted to shoot himself in the head but his hand apparently jerked away so that he only grazed his head but also lost a good eye.  What a stupid thing to do.  But it has affected me and my nerves so that I am a wreck even now.  I am always blaming my nervous nell attitude on creeping old age but the real cause is that time when my dad tried to take his own life.

I know that all the parents in Sandy Hook and all those affected by the deaths of their loved ones will need longterm care and understanding. It does not go away.  People do not get on with it.  Anything that changes one's life so abruptly, and in my case, with such strange aftermath and results, has a longterm damaging effect.

I clearly have not recovered from my dad's wrongful use of a firearm, and while I do not blame the weapon, I know that it is intended for only one purpose.  People who buy guns intend to kill at some point or other, believe it or not.  So on that note, we as a society should be careful about who is able to purchase a gun for any reason at all.

I don't think that Piers Morgan should be deported for speaking out on behalf of those who know that guns are lethal weapons, and should only be used by persons who are competent, sane, and responsible.  Period!

Computers and Souls

I decided that the ability to recall former lifetimes is like a computer which can pull up different files when stored.  I was thinking that to myself when I had received an inner thought break through from my solar plexus so that I realized that these identities of souls from times past are stored up within us is like files or photos or anything else that is stored within a computer.  Actually, since most people do not know how to operate a computer, neither do most people know how to recall their own past or future lifetimes.  It is that simple in a way.  I am not suggesting that it is wise even to realize that fact.  Perhaps only a rare few should ever become aware of it, for whatever reason it is that they do.

I do not think it wise that everyone learn how to operate a computer or have one.  But sooner or later, the time will come when everyone will have learned and owned a computer device of some kind.

I do know for a fact that it has been very difficult for me to assimilate and acknowledge the truth about the experiences that I have had about men whose lives I have come to know.. One of the reasons it is difficult is that each individual man himself is so obviously well known and thus embraced in one form or other, liked immensely, hated immensely, admired, reviled, accepted, or rejected.  Anyone who dares to presume to have had an inner knowledge of that person's life is immediately judged as peculiar.  I admit that I was first very possessive and resentful of other people's attraction to these persons of the past. I also met up with many who were very hateful and nasty to me whenever  I asserted my knowledge that had come to me through spiritual means.

I learned how to deal with it.

I have finally realized that it is not necessary for me to share any of my inner knowledge  with anyone. The only reason I did in the beginning is that I am one who would love to know of a person's life if it is truly genuine.  I always enjoy reading stories about people who have glimpsed into a piece of themselves in another life.

Unfortunately, famous people have fans that are truly fanatical, and when the genuine true person who can claim that life emerges, they simply throw stones at them.

So it goes...I just use writing it out as a means of expressing my most recent memory or discovery.  The heck with the naysayers now.

Goodbye's Saddest Word - ( with lyrics )

If Life Were Perfect

This has been a very interesting Christmas Day for me.  Yesterday, I called my brother after having had a strange dream about my mom and dad.  I had already messaged my brother that I would call him so I hit him up at 7:00 in the morning, a shock to the system for me. But my dream had wakened me and I figured that something must be in the works so I called and learned a lot more information about my dad's health and state of mind.  I had not planned to bother him with a phone call but I caved in just before his supper time to see if I could reach him so I could say Merry Christmas and Hello. He needs yet to know that we care enough to call without making life miserable for him so I did. Overcoming all nasty thoughts that had been going through my mind for it was nice to hear his voice and speak together for a few short minutes.

He actually sounded good but then when I asked how he is feeling, he said only so so which means that he is not well.  Bryce had told me some things whether correct or not, as I noticed that Bryce was getting even his own son and grandson's names and ages all confused. I am beginning to wonder about him too.

If life were perfect, my dad would have long since passed away, but life is anything but perfect.  If life were perfect, I would not be sitting here writing this. I would be touring some foreign nation in my grand limousine and enjoying the sights.

But at any rate, I learned that being home alone at Christmas is not so bad after all.  It can be pretty bleak but I was reading some facebook post that Ron Criss had posted about the first Christmas sermon on record when to my surprise Sandra and Nina knocked on my door, and brought me some nice gifts and smiles. Bless their hearts.  Then I told them about my dad, and Sandra said that she had worked as a hospice and that his body is shutting down.  She is trying to get me to move to her mother's apartment complex which is far less expensive than this one is.

I have no idea how long my dad will last before he finally passes. I wish it could be as quick and peaceful as my mother's had been.  It would be best for him.  If life were perfect....but alas, he is having to suffer a lot of indignities as his body functions no longer work well for him.

I hope that my wish and his wish come true soon even though that will mean the end of the family unit that I have always known. I did not realize what all that means until now.  We cling to memories it seems a lot more than we know, and we sooner or later learn that our ties are far stronger than we could ever imagine. How easy it had been for me to move away from them in youth but in fact, I had to return to reunite and become family again.  It is a strange thing to be so close to people who you take so for granted, and then suddenly they are gone.

An important lesson somehow.

Back in the Apartment

In my previous post which I was writing at Razzberrie's, the shop across the street from here, I was unloading some of my thoughts these past few days.  I got quite taken up with the videos from the Chateau de Versailles which are being made about the exhibition of antiquities now showing at the Chateau.  It reminded me of my journey back through time and space when I discovered the persons of Louis XIV and later Alexander the Great. That all occurred when I lived on Palacio in Scottsdale.  Much has happened since then and I have not undergone any hypnotherapy sessions to learn anything about either of them or anyone else since. For some time when bothered with dropping things onto the floor I began to think of Caesar and his falling sickness.

I had read many books about reincarnation, and I am well aware of all the various ideas that are tossed about on the internet and I stay open minded but I also defend my own gleanings since they are very precious to me.

In fact, many people take to one another or dislike one another almost at once many times. Nobody can ever understand exactly why some personalities can take a liking to one another while others seem not to like each other at all, and even seem to have a hostility towards one another.

One thing that I have finally learned is that the element of jealousy is one that one cannot overlook, because while I may be as convinced and innocent as can be of the people I am studying, I have learned the hard way that there are others out there who are also involved in them and about them so that they will have a natural jealousy towards me and my  knowledge.  But my knowledge is so powerful that generally speaking, I do not really trouble myself with the naysayers.

In all the teachings of Christianity, there are many statements that make little sense to  me. One I read tonight on the internet, because I am wondering what is truly meant by the statement that is being made.  Tom Reynolds, a pastor of a church in Missouri, who is also from Van Wert, has submitted a strange message from the book of Galatians.  For years, I have always wondered why it is that Jesus wants us to save our souls so badly.  Because until you come into knowledge in the manner that I have done, I don't think anyone ever knows what soul is anyway, and for crying out loud, none of us knows into what kind of spiritual life we will go at the time of death.

I do not want to really believe that all of life on earth is just a game so that either the devil or the God is who takes possession of your soul at the end of life...that is a cruel kind of bad game to play on people but many times, it appears that that is what the point of going to church seems to be.  I just talked on the telephone to my cousin Rita who is very religious and devout seeming.  I am certain that she believes her faith as do most of my relatives.  She is very honest and sincere but she is also very dependent upon the good will of the church people to aid her in her need and stress.  She does also get some kind of government compensation.

So she and I had a good talk about ourselves. 
We are both undergoing all kinds of personal stress which is directly related to our family problems.

Both end up being financial in the end.  We both need money.  There are other needs and problems as well, but money is the heart of it. 

I will take a break from this...I need to gather my thoughts and catch a breath...talking a lot here now.

worrisome times

I have to admit that politics can ruin a person's life. I will expound on this later but for this moment suffice it to say that a story about Gerard Depardieu has me very concerned.  Our recent election is a bit similar to the problems of France.

A new place to use computer

Razzberries is a smoothie sandwich shop which also advertised freshly baked goods and the best coffee brewed in the valley. I have only used the wifi twice now, and the wifi security number has changed from the first time that I stopped here.  The girl did give me the correct security code it turned out but my phone did not work despite using it.  The netbook does work but I put the security code on at the counter where it brought the internet in just fine.

I am unloading on this blog piece this time. Mostly, it is a way of finding whether anyone really ever reads my blogs when I write them. I just learned that some comments may be placed in spam so it is possible that a comment may have happened. On Dear Diary I learned that people who think of Alexander the Great one way or the other had conniption fits whenever I wrote about my excursions into the past regarding him.

I will admit that until I admitted that I had been him I had never had regressions into his life but on the day that I finally did breakdown and admit to being him I did have a moment when I was at the Battle of Issus and finally saw myself in the person of Alexander. When in his person, I do not always realize it until some event or signal tips me off.  One has to learn all about a person before ever reaching a final decision.

I know that there is a strange cult around the historical figure of Alexander. My version of Alexander is what I have endured through hypnotic regressions and spontaneous moments.  In the end, we finally do know ourselves very well as it turns out.  But what it takes to learn who we are and had been is something that is frankly a long time in coming.  For me, it was simple inquiry.  I admit that my first introduction to his history through a book was such that I could not like him, and I had prayed that in truth I had not been that way at all...but finally after months of waiting, I admitted to it.  Then I went back in time to learn what I had been like as a male leader of an army.  Does that make men ever want to throttle me?  Why? I wonder.  After all, I know who I am today and that is something that happened thousands of years ago, but in time, and space, that 4,000 years is as alive and real to me now as it was then...what a mystery to learn about one's self, but also what a joy to finally know.

As the saying goes, to know me is to love me.  I am turned on to this subject again because of watching a video on the Louvre...I had been able to learn of Louis XIV also who is how and why I cam to learn of Alexander...the two are inextricably united as well, and now it all comes out through me.

Yes, I had thought about the idea of the Edgar Cayce kind of knowledge of a variety of souls...I have thought of everything...I do not believe that anyone can ever really be privy to personal information though unless it is they themselves...and some of the personal information I did share unwisely but much I kept to myself.  I have come to the end of the tea so I will depart this place.  I will publish it or save as draft.  But my time is up at Razzberries for now...it is empty and late...my netbook is on California time. It is nearly five o'clock AZ. time.

Web série, Episode 4, Un jardin peuplé d'antiques

Recalling my decisions about discovery

Looking at a video from the Chateau de Versailles rekindled my interest in the life of Louis XIV.  Watching this video made me recall my experiences in reliving the life of that fantastic King who is now just another of kings and queens who have served time in their place on earth.  Finding out that I had been able to enjoy a few moments in the life of Louis XIV opened an entire new world to me.  I came to love the King as I found myself in his person so often.  I have spent time in his being in both childhood, young adulthood, and mature adulthood, and what a time I have had.  The most difficult thing on earth is to admit to having been a person in a previous life.  I wrestled with that belief for some time as I went under so many times to learn as much as I could. Later, I found that what are called spontaneous memories would occur as visions of the King and his life would often come to me without my having to put myself into a sleep state to recall them.  I found that I was literally flooded with many memories.

What is the purpose of all this?  Why should one awaken one day to learn of a life previous?  One thing that it did for me was to give me assurance that our soul life is an eternal state, that we do live throughout time and space in a variety of human forms, and that we can even retain the memories and the experiences of that time period within ourselves to be reached again and again if need be.

I actually then followed a trail. I have had a spiritual guide direct me through all these various lives, and at one point, I became truly overwhelmed to the point that I wanted no more. Yes, I believe in myself, but I also realized that there are physical consequences that I have had to learn in this time period to better understand the purpose in learning of a person in a previous time period. Because from Louis XIV I then learned of Alexander. It is interesting to me to see a bust of Alexander appear in this video which is why I had to view the episode several times over.  I had also  just read an article about Gerard dePardieu and Catherine DeNeuve that woke me up to life in France today.  That was on Mailonline, a news service from the UK.  It seems that France is angry at Gerard dePardieu since the new government wants to overtax the very wealthy who have made their fortune there. 

Why these are interconnected...well, one that the King is who is responsible for the accumulation of wealth in the nation, and the redistribution of wealth.  France has recently voted for a more socialistic government which in turn wants to take from the rich to redistribute to the poor.  The King, Louis XIV, is often criticized for his having had so much wealth and displayed it so ostentatiously as he has done.  This exhibition clearly shows the amount of wealth that he accumulated and how he used it for the good of the state.  The King is who is responsible for the success and status of the nation so that he wanted the world to see how well the nation as a community was managing at that time.  Most all of it was directed towards a building program initiated in fact by his personal minister Jean Baptiste Colbert who had urged him to gain his fame in that way.

The difference between self made movie actors or entrepreneus for there is another industrial giant in France who also has moved out of the country to protect his own profits and gains is that the King is controlling the wealth for the good of the nation as a whole entity.  Yes, Louis XIV did certainly exceed and excell in his efforts to develop a prosperous nation, and due to a few wars, nearly bankrupted it as well, but in the end, it all finally appears to have paid off very well.

Learning that I had been able to find myself in the spiritual body of the King, learning his feelings, his habits, and his lifestyle, I have become naturally a defender of his.  Will I write a book about his life? I do not know yet. I am busy working on the book about Alexander which is primarily a study of the influence of the climate of gods and goddesses who ruled his life, and when that is done, I will  probably take up the cause of Louis XIV as I believe that I have been the person who lived in the life of both men. It turns out had it not been for Louis XIV I would not have discovered Alexander, a man who I had to learn in the same method as I had learned Louis XIV. 

That also took me to several others who I will let off the hook for the time being.

But seeing the video reminded me of the good times that I had known in the life of the King, the beauty, the grandeur, and the fantastic fabrics and materials that all enriched my current life in the recollection of a time past.  I had produced so many babies then that in this life I have had the luxury of producing none.  There may be a lesson there. I am thinking about it.

But I will try to send the video to this blogspot. It impacted me a lot, and renewed my interest in a return to France soon.  I truly fell in love with some choice areas in that lovely place known as the Chateau de Versailles.  I will have to live in France for some time to do justice to what is for me a great memory!

Grease

I had not connected the Connecticut shooting to the movie Grease except on the Newtown name and the Sandy Hook name as both pertain to Olivia Newton John in her role as Sandy in Grease. But a poster at facebook just alerted me to why the shooting is tied to Grease.  There is an old saying that the squeaking wheel gets the most grease.  The poster showed how many children die in this country of various means: starvation was top of the list.  Nobody ever does a news story about starvation or starving children or adults...that is why people use guns to kill.  It draws the media like apparently catnip attracts kittens...

Solution to Dream

Yesterday I wrote about the dream I had had which had me terrified. I believe that I have solved it.  The white substance made me think of white bavarian cream which we often had at Michigan State University when I was a student there. I loved that stuff so it made me wonder why I was so afraid of it.  Playing the game spider solitaire made me see how the cards fall when lined up in a row to be eliminated so that it reminded me of the gelatin tenacles that seemed to be crawling towards me.  I know it seems farfetched but I am also sure that the pulsating light was due to the cellphone's light. I checked it out again last night to see.  Although this second time round there were no lights visible at all so that the light from the phone was very dim...I cannot be sure that the light square is from the phone or like the lights from the other apartment, from some unnamed source.

I realized that the point of the dream was the intense fear that I had and how it made me feel.   Fear is a very powerful force that can cripple a person totally which in that case was doing to me, but I kept fighting it for I was more determined to conquer the fear than to let it destroy me.

That fear that is within me came through even when I was rewriting the article.  Later, I found a tarantula spider at Twitter from my nephew which made me laugh. I have not told him about the dream so I am wondering at the coincidence of it all.  I had even thought of batman about the white stuff that gave me such a fit and wondered if maybe it wasn't like the bat signal seen in the air. One can make out all kinds of theories about what dreams mean.

At any rate, I am laughing at myself for being so frightened of a menacing blob of bavarian cream. I was also cutting the tenacles into rectangles trying to stop the tentacles from growing and growing...I will continue to ponder the real meaning of the dream...but I do see the similarities between the spider game when the row falls and the tentacles as they came at me...so maybe it is just too much game playing and being alone.

Dreams

I woke up from a dream this morning that has impacted me so much I cannot believe it.  In this dream I was facing a white object that was in the room threatening me.  It looked like a white gelatin type of octopus but it had no features, just simply a rounded head with white tentacles that grew and grew. It appeared that it was coming at me, and that I had to plunge something into the center of it to stop it, and I was holding a dagger of some kind but I was trembling so hard, as I was scared to death of the thing as it slithered and slowly made its way towards me...I was shaking so hard I could not make myself attack it, and I knew that I had to cut it up and finally plunge the knife into its center, but I could not make myself get close to it...so I went to get an iron, and the entire dream sequence changed for that was a solution that seemed to make the hideous object (all white and no features but just form) disappear.  But I awoke from that and thought that it resembled an octopus so much because those gelatin slithery tentacles were all over the place.  It was so frightening I could not believe it...that set me off to think about creation...why did God make Octopus in the beginning anyway?  What purpose do they serve? I thought of all the sea life that must be simply teriffied of those tentacles coming at them and squeezing them to death.  What kind of creator is it that creates sharks, whales, guppies, gold fish, octopus, and squid, and all other sea creatures.  While we are celebrating the birth of Light which is God according to teachings, why on earth is this God that we celebrate the author of such deep sea life creatures as the above mentioned?  For what good reason does one have to be born with suckers on one's tentacles?  Why are their cousins on the earth built so similarly, the mighty spider and tarantula.?  What on earth is in creator's mind?

Well, the prelude to this  is that last night a creepy thing happened to me. I had had a most unusal experience with light coming from nowhere years ago at my former apartment. I may have told that story on this blogpost or not...I am not sure. But anyway, I was convinced that it was a manifestation of God and I am  not afraid of God I think until last night.  I suddenly looked up at my ceiling fan...a lot of strange things go on in my apartments it seems, and I saw this square light shining pulsating. In other words, it came and went, came and went. I checked to see if anything in the room could be casting a light on the ceiling and found my cell phone with its blue light pulsating in the same way so I decided it must be the phone's signal.  How it becomes white on the ceiling is more than I know but that satisfied me until I saw it again after I had taken and placed the cell phone on my chest...then it hit me...oh no, they're here. I am certain that these lights can come and go as they please...first time though that I was frightened all of a sudden.I realized then that there is no way to prevent these light forms from coming into my apartment...there may be an explanation...I always try to find the most sane and likely answer...but to no avail...they can enter a room and light up the place at will it seems.  But this time I sensed that I was afraid...so I believe that is the cause of the dream...
So today I finally spoke of some of the other things that continue to happen around me...like the feeling of a kitten brushing up against my leg, which also happened in bed the other night, but this time on my arm...and I knew then that something was in that room after all...is it spirit? I do not know...but it is for real...the next thing I knew then Marcello my cat came up to the exact spot and touched me... I was certain that he knew what had happened.

Angels which always appeared to man in olden times are said to have said, Fear not. I am not always afraid, but last night I for a slight moment was afraid.  I did not even know of what, but I was afraid of the light that appeared with no explanation for it.  I am sure it must have been the cell phone but not when it was under the blanket so that it could not emit light.  It is all so strange that I decided to write it out...I will probably  delete it after I think about it for awhile...who knows? that is the purpose of a blog...an outlet for such thoughts when I need to get them out to think them through...I hope.

45 minutes til 12/21/12

The end of the world has hit Australia, and it is in a fiery pit of hell, so I heard through the internet...wifi does still work in Hell I was told..I had to check my blogspot to be sure that all is well in my little part of the world...so far, everything is just aok.  10/4 over and out!

Washington's Farewell to his officers

At noon on December 4, 1783, Washington met for the last time with some of his offices in New York's St. Fraunces Tavern. Only a few were there: three major generals, a single brigadier general, a colonel or two, a number of lower grades.  Washington tried to eat something from the table of food but could not manage, then filled a glass with wine and signaled the others to do the same.  "With a heart full of love and gratitude, I now take leave of you." he said in a choked voice.  "I most devoutly wish that your later days  may be as prosperous and happy as your former ones have been glorious and honorable." They drank in silence, then Washington asked each to come to him. Starting with Henry Knox they came, and he embraced each without speaking.  Then still to moved to speak, he walked out of the tavern and to the waterfront, where he boarded a waiting boat to be rowed to the New Jersey shore. He was in a hurry, but as he rode south he had to pause to receive the formal expressions of esteem of citizens and politicians: the people of New Brunswick, the legislature of New Jersey, the merchants of Philadelphia, the Executive Council of Pennsylvania, many others.  And to each he had to make an appropriate response, as in his remarks to Baltimore.


Baltimore, December 18, 1783.

The acceptable manner in which you have welcomed my arrival in the Town of Baltimore, and the happy terms in which you have communicated the congratulations of its inhabitants, lay me under the greatest obligations.

Be pleased, Gentlemen, to receive this last public acknowledgement for the repeated instances of your politeness, and to believe, it is my earnest wish that the Commerce, the Improvements, and universal prosperity of this flourishing Town, may, if possible, increase with even more rapidity than they have hitherto done.

He finally reached Annapolis, Md, to which Congress had taken its deliberations early in November. There were some odds and ends of Army business; several officers had asked to be recommended for service in any peacetime Army that might be formed; an  officer wounded and partially disabled in 1776 had asked Washington to present his petition for a pension. 

There were days and nights of dinners and balls; and the Congress formally received the Commander in Chief.  He was escorted into the chamber, bowed, and read a statement of his purpose in being there.

(That statement is in previous post.)

I feel that this December season should be reminded of the nation's birth.

Washington's Final Statement as Commander in Chief

On December 23, 1783, in Annapolis, Maryland, George Washington addressed his officers and members of the army and Congress with the following statement:

In his own words....

The great events on which my resignation depended having at length taken place, I have  now the  honor of offering my sincere congratulations to Congress, & of presenting myself before them to surrender into their hands the trust committed to me, and to claim the indulgence of retiring from the service of my Country.

Happy in the confirmation of our Independence & Sovereignty, & pleased with the opportunity afforded the United states of becoming a respectable Nation, I resign with satisfaction the appointment I accepted with diffidence; a diffidence in my abilities to accomplish so arduous a task, which however was superseded by a confidence in the rectitude of our cause, the support of the Supreme power of the Union, and the Patronage of Heaven.

The Successful termination of the War has verified the most sanguine expectations, & my gratitude for the interposition of Providence, & the assistance I have received from my Countrymen, increases with every review of the momentous Contest.

While I repeat my obligations to the army in general, I should do injustice to my own feelings not to acknowledge in this place the peculiar services & distinguished merits of the Gentlemen who have been attached to my person during the war.  It was impossible the choice of confidential officers to compose my family ,should have been more fortunate; permit me, Sir, to reconmmend in particular, those who have continued in Service to the present moment, as worthy of the favorable notice & patronage of Congress.

I consider it an indispensable duty to close this last solemn act of my official life, by commending the interests of our dearest Country to the protection of  Almighty God, & those who have the superintendence of them, to his holy keeping.

Having now finished the work assigned me, I retire from the Great Theatre of Action; & bidding an affectionate farewell to this August Body under whose orders I have so long acted, I here offer my Commission & take my leave of all the employments of public life.

At the close of his address, Washington drew from his pocket the commission he had received in 1775 and handed it to the president of Congress.  He was no longer Commander in Chief but simply George Washignton, Virginia planter.  His horse was waiting when he left Congress shortly after noon.  He rode hard the rest of that day and most of the next, and turned into the driveway of Mount Vernon well before the early winter twilight of Christmas Eve had fallen. 

Taken from George Washington, A biography in his own words, edited by  Ralph K. Andrist, Published in 1972.  Newsweek.

First drafts revisited

It has been quite a while since I wrote my first draft, and then revised it to a second draft because of eliminating most of the Iliad material that had been in the nanowrimo draft. I had wanted to use the Iliad as the backdrop for the story of Alexander but as I continued with the novel it made changes all the while, and now that I have completed the so called first draft, I continue to make changes to it, albeit, all in my head.

So while I am writing this as thinking aloud kind of exercise, I am ruminating over the changes in my original novel to its present state which is about to be launched.  But the problem is that I want to use the correct methods of laying out the story with the guidance of a good word processing group known as Scrivener.  I learned that to even be considered that the presentation must meet certain guidelines.

Now I have been reading all kinds of advice about how to write a first draft and what follows: some suggestions include joining writing groups, having critiques, etc.  I am one of those who is like the housewife who hires a maid who has to have the house cleaned before the maid gets there. I want the book to be nearly publishable before ever letting a group listen to it or read it to give comments.

The real reason for that is that I do not believe that an artist or a sculptor would ever let someone else make suggestions to which color of paint to use or which eyebrow should be higher or lower. The creative work is your own, and you must make it your own as much as possible until finally ready for exhibition.   Besides, I am rather possessive and jealous of my own statements and remarks when writing my thoughts, and I don't like them to be subject to scrutiny until I have over addressed them myself. I am extremely changeable.

One of the things I want to develop in my novel on Alexander is the relationship between him and his classmates while studying in each and every aspect. I was a bit too chronological in my original and I want it to be realized more naturally through more than just a classroom setting.  A few incidents I did use the times spent together while performing an assignment, but not nearly as much as I will do in the next revision.  My entire emphasis is on the culture that influenced not only Alexander but also all his classmates as they are pretty much all schooled in the same knowledge.  All the members of his group would have been exposed to the same studies so that they would immediately know when any mention or reference was made about a god or goddess or story or play.  My original intent was to have some of these thoughts always running through Alexander's mind, but before I could do that even I had to lay out the story.  So I am working it through my own mind all the time. I know this sounds dreary now, but the idea is that every Greek or Macedonian knew who Zeus or Athena was, and did not need to be told.  And believe it or not, this is all that any of them ever knew day in and day out, whether through Homer, Euripides or Sophocles.  They all knew who Ajax is, who Ion is, who and why Thetis interfered with her sons life as she had done.  It is my purpose to use the novel to acquaint the average person in the world who knows nothing about these times to finally have an opportunity to learn something about them.

Am concluding this thought and talking to myself process now.

The Batman connection to Newtown,CT.

The killing of elementary school children in Sandy Hook, Ct. or Newtown, Ct. has created a frenzy amongst certain types of minds in the media.  For some reason, Sandy Hook is mentioned in a scene in the Batman movie Dark Knight Rising which has caused people to believe that there may be a connection between the events in Colorado to those of Connecticut.  Connecting all the dots or all the c's takes us from California to Colorado to Connecticut.  Some dark force does seem to be behind these mysterious shootings which involve such weapons and ammunition.  More than one hundred bullets were found at the scene of the crime, plus there is also some theory that there was a second shooter who has mysteriously disappeared.  There is a photo of a man wearing a batman shirt in the background of an observer watching the police investigate the crime that has popped up on the internet on some foreign language facebook page.  As they say it is a stretch, but when one examines the evidence there appears to be a set of clues jumping off the page to entertain any conspiracy theorist with a mystery to solve.

I see a relation to Olivia Newton John also who played the role of Sandy in Grease if one wants to play on the word Newtown, Ct.  This because she was used so well in the warnings about the hurricane Sandy.  Another one of those ironies is how many Sandy's does the northeast have to endure.

At one website on the internet, Godlike productions, there is an entire thread making one believe that all this is staged as a movie production.  Any more, with theatrics being what it is, one could almost believe that some great author/ writer/ director/ producer has managed to manufacture all these crimes to puzzle the greatest detective minds in world history.  Nothing surprises me any longer.  Who can top Arthur Conan Doyle in writing a real life true mystery?  Solve that, and we might know who could be capable of such a plot.  It did occur to me that there is a real malevolent body trying to create fear in the hearts and minds of men and women, but is safe and secure in the gullibility of the American and world mind to know that only a few would ever realize such a connection. Moviegoers would see it immediately.

I do believe the motivation is fear.  Fear is behind all of it.  Many short stories have already been written about the power of fear. The entire western half of the nation was developed in a fear ridden society.  For all its grandeur, advanced life style, Americans are still basically small town and law abiding, but there are still evil minds and deeds that require the intelligence of a great detective and law enforcement agency.  I hope that the dramatists have not produced a real scenario of madness that could paralyze a nation and a world.

We need good detectives, real intelligence, and a sharing of the real facts to the community so that we can continue to leave in peace and harmony with one another, making Barney Fife the only necessary law officer in small town America.  I hope that this murder gets solved quickly so that the public can relax and enjoy life in the USA as we have always known it, safe, sound, and secure.

Mass Killings in America

There have been many mass killings in the USA. It might seem that for some reason that some young kids are so influenced by one another that each is trying to top one another in who can create the greatest sensation.  Not long ago in Colorado a young man killed moviegoers at a premiere showing of a Batman movie.  The most notorious mass murder in the USA still remains that of Charles Manson and his band of followers who broke into a celebrity home and killed Sharon Tate while in a state of pregnancy.  It would appear that the most recent shooting in Connecticut is especially heinous since it cost the lives of so many young innocent children and their school teachers.  Sadly, this act followed a shopping center killing of two innocent adults by another who when confronted took his own life.  The shooter in Connecticut took his own life too when he heard the police enter the building.

My own reaction is that thank Heaven when I was teaching I did not ever have a student or former student who was so disgruntled that he would bring a gun to the school to use against his classmates or teachers.

I have heard of kids putting drugs into their teacher's coffee though, and that is also as harmful as a gunshot at times. It can produce results that are equally harmful.

That is the perils of being a classroom teacher.  But this particular episode is an irony to me personally.  The reason is that years ago I took a correspondence course through the Institute of Children's Literature which is situated in Connecticut.  One of my first thoughts was how ironic!  That this should happen to a group of students in that state.  What a story for a children's author.

My first story that I tried to market was about fire prevention. I had read an article that told how to survive a hotel fire!  Ironically, I tried to sell it to Cricket, which is based in Illinois.  After it was rejected and returned to me for a variety of reasons, the MGM hotel in Las Vegas caught fire.  I have never forgotten how important it is to know how to save a life.

So all I can imagine now is the advice that teachers and principals must consider on how to survive in case a madman rushes into your classroom.  One cannot help but wonder at what he said when  he walked into the classroom.  What did the children do?  What did the teacher do?  We know some of the stories about those who did survive but we cannot imagine what actually took place when he first entered and began shooting...Who can expect a child to recall those terrible moments? I hope that some great counseling lies ahead for everyone in Newtown, CT.

Writing the novel

When one struggles with writing a novel one fights with mamy reasons to halt the process. Books, movies, magazines are temporary creations that will disappear from  the marketplace in a very short time. One wonders why bother?  The main reason that I will bother to complete
and finish this project is that it will be meaningful to the reader to learn this story that I am telling. Alexander remains myth more than real. With an insight into his early childhood development the reader can come to understand the transition into the changing adult ruler.

Memories making sense to me

Yesterday was the ninth anniversary of my mother's death which I can recall as vividly now as when it happened.  Nothing can erase that memory from my mind. So last night, as I had trouble getting to sleep again I was once again in the twilight zone of between wakefulness and sleep.  For some reason, visions come to me at times like this, and all of a sudden, I was seeing Philip doing something that I had years ago written a brief scene about in my first draft attempt at writing about the life of Alexander.  I could see Philip from the eyes of a child, a youngster, as he looked so tall and so huge to me, even in my recollection last night...It then struck me that I had written this scene, and now here I am seeing it again.  Then it made me think of another time that I had seen him in a vision come to me.  Maybe it is all coincidence that it came on the early morning of the sixth, and that I have always associated Philip with my mother for some reason...Sometimes I associate him with my dad also.  It is a family thing...odd that my dad would end up blind in one eye this late in life.  I hope that my delving into the past had nothing to do with that because he did not have to listen to me but one time when I told him about Kleitos.

My dad and Philip seem alike in another scene that I wrote.  That one oddly enough was based upon some historical data that I had read.  But I could sure see the similarities between the two.  Which has always made me believe that life is like the ocean waves, or the seasons, simply repetitious, and nothing new under the sun but the same old stuff returning to life again and again. I am convinced of that for certain

But last night I became fixated on a vision of Philip holding Cleopatra in his arms.  I am standing beside and behind him watching this scene unfold.  It made me realize that some other scenes that have been playing in my mind about the boys who attended school with Alexander are a part of a memory scene.  I keep hearing and seeing these events so clearly but because of computer problems am letting only dwell in my head.   This is the first I have written them. 

Old Book Revisited

Years ago, back in the early 80's, I wrote a book in which I was testing the concept of esp or professional eavesdropping.  I still have the first draft of that book which turned into a real life story involving Jon Benet Ramsey and Nicole Brown Simpson.  Little did I know that my book would be the OJ Simpson tragedy.  I had clues of which I will not now mention, but because mystery has always been my favorite genre I began trying to write a muder mystery which eventually became a reality.  I could go into great lengths on this but the book itself examined many of the ideas that I have been studying over a course of years, especially as I was paying close attention to many ongoing crimes and murders at that time, among them the famous Roman Polanski/Sharon Tate murder with the gang from the Charles Manson era.    Son of Sam was also made famous in that time period. 

I have always had psychic powers.  Some of which were noticed by my students who asked me if I am a witch on more than one occasion, and as Samantha the With played by Elizabeth Montgomery was famous then, I would twitch my nose and say like this.  But I did dazzle them in those days with answers to questions for which I was even surprised myself. 

In the book, I examined and used a psychic to explain the murder of that plot. I had difficulty writing the murderer for as of yet I had not been able to contrive a convincing murderer who would want to kill my heroine, a girl based upon a childhood beauty queen in my hometown.

After the OJSimpson debacle, I was so stunned to find so many similaritiies between the real murder and the murder planned 20 years earlier that I became hesitant to write novels or stories.  I am well aware of Ruth Montgomery's books about automatic  psychic writing, and I believe that sometimes I am used by a psychic force to write thoughts that are streaming through me. Occasionally, that can be very interesting, but when it involves murder and real people, it is not interesting so much as awesome and mysterious.

I will close on this thought.  Just as I was sure then of the psychic ongoing dramas that take place in life, I am convinced more than ever that experiences then were foreknown about those two real life murder cases.  I still wonder at both even now but I am as aware now of the events in the 80's that prompted the book as I am now of today's events going on around me, and my basic premise in the book is as unchanged today as it was when I stated it then.

I honestly believe that we all want to know the purpose of life, the purpose of our individual lives, and to some extent I discussed all that then.  I will not reiterate the entire thing now...I may go back to that book sometime to consider whether to take it up and turn it into something publishable, but if so, it will be through a free blog site.

I am continuing on with my book on Alexander of Macedon who became ATG.  My premise is still the same on that, and that is that Alexander was a tool of the gods to do the will of the gods.  Today's historians eliminate the gods but were it not for them and their interventions many times, Alexander would have not accomplished so much as he did. One reason that history is often full of errors and fallacies is the failure to see the obvious.  I am also on a Julius Caesar thinking binge right now due to so many things falling around me. I recall that Caesar had the falling sickness and I have decided that these falling things is due to Caesar and that I am to take note of him now.  So I will devote some time to learning about Caesar soon.  Through hypnosis I mean.

That has come to me in the last two days...Compulsion to read something and things constantly happening to me are not accidental.  I am always visited by signs of spiritual entities near me.

Enough for now...gotta save the time on the broad band.
 

IYOGI MESSAGE

A message found on this computer has been removed. It is no longer there.  It had said that I should disinstall McAfee security.  I talked to a man today about the problem.  So the message is no longer on the computer.  End of story.

Bitching

O.K. yesterday was sheer holy terror for me in the computer world.  Well, thanks to Judy Perry of Facebook, I came here to forward the post that I had written to facebook. I had received a phone call today from IYOGI and it struck me so funny because I realized that someone there had to have read my post.  So sure enough, there is a comment on it from IYOGI about this entire situation.  Oh boy, all due to security and Gateway since I learned that IYOGI is official security for Gateway.

I will not rehash this but I also talked to Sprint today and a man there did reset the voicemail with the passcode for me. The girl who told me had been correct about the right passcode but since the phone had not been yet reset to accept it I could not get it on. I also received a phone call from Sprint today about that phone call at which the girl was both helpful and not helpful. In my evaluation I scored her very low points simply because the voicemail was not yet working.  After I talked with the man about the discount and the passcode I got it all straightened out. I wonder if they also read my blogspot now that I know for certain that IYOGI had.

I will comment back to IYOGI about the phone call I received and why it was that I had thought that they were monitoring my messages.  It was about McAFEE.

Passcodes, Security, and Apps

1. Passcode for Voicemail...who knew that to try to state a message for voicemail you would need a passcode.  I mean really...what the heck is this?  when did it happen?  and what is it? I can't for the life of me figure out what passcode it is that I should use to access this function....agh!

2.  I had a former security partner who I liked until today.  It was called lookout but when I tried to access it, guess what my screen name already exists.  I wonder why. Same story with Norton. Neither could I access today because my screen name already exists...what does that have to do with the present need on the present phone on the present need?

3.  Apps are great that are new to me: Instagram, NNotes, and Songza....love the new apps and had to recall those I had used before.  I am not installing too many news one but these are really good and I like them a lot.

So it has been a heck of a day in which I have sworn, cussed, and spent a lot of time in clubhouse due to need for wifi here.  Watching Dancing with the Stars finale also.

I liked Shaun Johnson last week for a really great number.  Didn't see their finals last night but they will be on youtube eventually.

It will be known in a few minutes...

Computer Problems Never End

It is very difficult to be angry with something that has made life so much  more interesting for so many people.  The computer and world of internet is one of the most important and significant inventions to mankind that one can imagine.  The transportation industry was transformed by the automobile, entertainment industry was enhanced with the television, and worldwide information is instantly transformed by the worldwideweb on the internet.  It is truly amazing what the internet has done to change entire lives nationwide and worldwide.  So why do we grumble?  Why?  Programming, what else?

Trying to get a voicemail personalized with a greeting requires that I have a passcode. Where the heck and why the heck do I need a passcode to say Hello.  I am not available to answer the call.  I called Sprint and she told me a possible code to use...did not work...when did this happen? When did I make a code to use voicemail?

Trying to get security on a phone means I had to use a former server who when I finally accessed the system had to give a screen name and password, and guess what, my screenname already exists.  Like yeah, what has that got to do with this security on this phone?  So what?  It means that I do not have security because their dumb programmer does not realize that we may change phones at some point i time and allowed us to access our old accounts.  What the expletive?  Cause I am going vulgar and swear all the time due to these idiots in the world of programming the stupid idiotic screen names and passwords, and passcodes...are they really insane?
So this even gets worse.  You know that I have always believed that my original laptop has never been cleared of a virus. I understand that once you have a virus, the system is never cleaned from it.  So as IYOGI once intervened to let me know that someone had hacked into my computer to create a program for me that I had not ordered I had had to have the bank help me to solve that problem...guess what...IYOGI reared up today to tell me to disinstall McAFEE from my computer. They think it is for my computer when it is for my phone but since it is only a week's trial, I may disinstall if it is a problem.
But it told me that IYOGI is still watching my activity on my gmail account...what the heck?

I guess I may have to use them after all for everything including phone...but after watching the movie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel in India I would not want to trust anyone anywhere anymore with any computer problems....I am leery of everyone worldwide now.

I will have to find someone at either Sprint or Best Buy to help after all.  I did well most of the time by myself but a guy at Sprint was very nice to help me on the problem with my photos after being transferred.  I could scream but it turns out once in a while a nice guy pops up.  Who knew?

I have found some new apps. Songza for music, NNotes for memos and journal writing, instagram, a whole new world awaits in appland...So how can we complain when things are so good? Because we want and demand perfection....

New Samsung Galaxy 3 cellphone

The thing about cellphones is that they are used more for computer aspect than phone calling.  My bill tells me exactly how I use my cellphones.  All data is sent to me, and I use the phone aspect so little as to be ridiculous but I overuse the computer part of it as I love it for facebook, twitter, email, and Gmail. 

Phones spoil you for there are many apps to use, one of which is Songza.  I am listening to it right now. It is one of the best.



I had problems with my original phone Thursday night when it suddenly cut short or blacked out. The phone was dead. Frankly, the last thing I need is to be without a phone.  So the next day, while on the phone talking to my dad I was cut off three different times. It just went dead.  Next day I was at Tempe Marketplace going to talk to Best Buy about it.  So I stopped in the stage area to see an orchestra playing and took a photo of the Christmas tree. It died once again.  Just went out.  So that pushed me to go to Best Buy to talk to a rep.  Luck was with me as I found a man who told me that if I bring in the receipt that I would get a new phone.  Have I ever learned now about phone replacements.

So this is what happened.  I took my phone in with box, charger, earbuds, and receipt so that nothing was amiss except the starter guide book. I had forgotten that.  I did not realize it until I opened my box with the new phone accessories inside it.  The sales manager was very nice, took the old phone back, reminded me of their protection plan for $9.99 a month which only works for damaged but not lost or stolen phones.  They will immediately replace a damaged phone if you buy their protection plan which for a year is $120.  Only $30 difference from the insurance plan that Sprint has because the deductible is supposed to cost$150 according to the customer service lady at Sprint.  Hopefully, I will never have to use either but I do pay for the insurance plan which covers repair work if I need it, and with the HTCEVO4 I certainly did need it.

Then I went to see the Google computers which are found only at Best Buy or Online.  They have both Samsung Chrome and Acer Chrome.  The typewriter keys are amongst the best, and I like both frankly but the Samsung Chrome is only 2 lbs. and the Acer is 3.3 but it also has a hard drive, and HD Camera.  All I have to do is put $50 on a preorder and I can pick up the computer before Christmas if I decide upon it. But I really do like it. I have read everything there is about both Acer and Samsung.  The weight and thinness of Samsung is so impressive. I like it so much but online there is a 550 for $429 which Best Buy does not carry.  If I buy it at Best Buy I get points on my rewards.

I am listening to Songza while I type this. I am trying to put on as many apps while in the clubhouse as I can.  Next I will see if I have trouble with the bank again as I had had in the first time I tried to put the bank app on.   But it is helpful and I could pay bills with it if I choose to do so.

I learned what micro memory card is thanks to the girl at Google. She showed me where the micro sd card goes and where it is in your phone.  The girl who transferred all my data nearly forgot to put it back in my new phone but caught it in time...I am wondering at how much we have to carefully watch for all these things which we take for granted so much...crazy world right now.

Well, sharing with others may help someone for all I know. I wish that some would speak up. I know that a lot of people like Iphone 5 but I do not ever know why.  It is so teeny tiny small in comparison and I like videos to be so that I can see them. I think that there is a "false" snobbery about Iphones.

The entiire apple industry is a bit "snobbish" in my opinion.  In the end, I decided that over the cours e of a year I do not want to spend more than $200 to $300 for a computer per year.  Apples are three times that for sure. I cannnot afford that even if a millionaire, and in the end, all computers are habits.

I will try google chrome and keep my other two windows.  Google is not windows at all. It is also the one company that is supposed to be the best investment for young investors. I am too old to wait around for ten years but it is one of the top companies for young kids to consider...Just a little tip for you if you choose to listen to Aunt Janet here.

I am going to buy the SamsungChrome in December. I can afford it.  TATA

Death of Larry Hagman

On Friday, November 23, 2012, Larry Hagman, son of famed actress Mary Martin, died from a bout with cancer and cirrhosis of the liver. 

He was 81 years old.  Illness has a way of aging a person so that death is a welcome visitor to those who are suffering in pain and misery.  His diseases sound as though he probably has finally discarded the physical for the spiritual to be grateful for the release from his long term illness.

However, he is a Hollywood actor who brought us a lot of fun in his role as the astronaut who held the little genie in the bottle in the sitcom I Dream of Jeannie. I wonder how Barbara Eden must be feeling about her famous costar, and I send her my thoughts of sympathy and condolences for I am certain that she feels both grief, sorrow, and relief at his demise.

For years, he starred in Dallas as the tycoon J.R. Ewing, and kept CBS studios ratings at the top for his ripoff of Edna Ferber's famous Texas story Giant.

It will be interesting to see all the tributes that will come to him now. He will not be forgotten.

One more video try

I am picking these without knowing what is on film but am using dates.

working with videos

Second time round same day

I am learning how I can use my dropbox to post videos and photos here.

Experimenting with Phone

I am trying to learn what all I can do on this blogspot now with my own photos.

Reading about Writers

Professional writers and authors who take time to contemplate their work habits exposes a lot of both good and bad habits.  I am not a published author in my own right yet.    I have a long way to go before I can join that group.  I am an avid reader however, and at the moment, I am reading James Patterson's NYPD Red which is a crappy book. He writes in the style of Steve Berry, James Rollins, Dan Brown, and others. Dan Brown apparently set the standard for this group of superficial writers.  Fast paced, page turner type stories which keep reader on the edge of the seat.  But this plot is both silly and stupid, stereotyped, and mundane. I am almost ready to give up on it but I will pursue it to the end, maybe, to see if it will impact how I write.

I had a nice post from my friend Ann-Katrin this morning as she is the only person who has read my first draft totally and given me comments on it. I will occasionally post a sample page but I delete it immediately after 3 or 4 days to read it since I do not want it ripped off, and I deliberately use chosen select phrases to throw of any possible attempt at copying or plagiarism.

I love "My" Alexander also which is based simply upon some of my own life. I threw my bottle out of the crib at nine months my mother told me and would not use a bottle again after that.  I walked at the age of six months so I was a bit precocious myself...but I only know what adults told me...Heck, I would not know when I did what when.

Ann-Katrin told me that she likes "my" Alexander. I realize that Alexander and any other person of fame belongs to the world, and that the real Alexander can only be known to himself which in my case means me to me.  I believe that the only reason I am privy to the life of these former giants is because I had been them in that time period. I have adjusted to why it is that I am now who I am, and I realize that in many ways, I have reaped what I had sown in former times but in a way that most would not ever understand it.

The most important thing that I have realized in this ongoing study of MY self is that time is compressed and only a second away when in a state of recollection.  Then becomes now for a few hours and it is still living and well within that part of one's self that contains these spiritual records.

I am writing this for those who may benefit from my experience as I did benefit from Taylor Caldwell and Jess Stearns (not too sure if I got that right or not but for now I will stick with it as I can edit this at any time.)  The point is that through sharing my experiences when I did, I did get feedback that helped me to understand some things.  Example is the wedding of Susa. I did also put the remembered columns on a blank page to recall at will. I do not know if I put the wedding veils on or not but I remember them still as when I saw them just as I also recall the tents and the columns so well.  Talking about it did get a description of the place from a person called Amyntoros.

Grateful for that...end of long passage for now...

Thanksgiving Day

Thoughts today.  I slept til 1:00.  Of course, I was up at 7:00 to feed my cat, but went back to bed. Did not get to sleep after listening to some music from Patricia Kaas and others on Youtube.  I must have finally fallen to sleep around 5:00.  Shocked that I slept so late but was deep in dreams, and I have to sleep all the way through to get rid of nighttime pains in the knees and hip area.  Don't know why I am so afflicted at night time but the pain in knee is very excruciatingly sharp and I have to sleep it off. No such thing daytime so what is this that is happening to me?

Finally learned the lyrics of Il ma dit que je suis belle  from a group of beauties.  Quite shocking to me to hear it and see it at the same time.   Love that song so it kept me up since it sent me back in time to when I met up with Sadam Omar at Fashion Square. I can still see him and picture him.  So happy to know that the word script comes up in this song as the conversation between us is in the Network film, starring Faye Dunaway and William Holden. I never forget how much the dialogue in that film seems to seem like that which occurred when I first met Omar.

That is the name he gave me to call him.  So naturally, once again, I am analyzing the entire thing, thinking how I could not believe it when I realized who he is.  Simply too incredible!   But then I began to think that probably General Petraeus and Glenn Doherty and Charles's Woods son are probably like that too when not in uniform.  So life goes...full of strange mysteries. One thing I finally realized which is too far out for anyone but me and a few likeminded souls to consider is that since he has been killed outright (Omar) that my problem with my teeth and eyes that was consistent for so long has now disappeared.  That made me really sit up and think straight...What is this?   Did I suffer mentally long before it ever happened the death of Jon Benet Ramsey and also of Omar?  I am beginning to wonder about that.

I will admit that I do not miss the pain of any of it, but being a bit of a psychic medium is not very enjoyable.  I do say that for sure as well.  Will close now as I ponder all this again since fingers are now getting quite tired of this ongoing process.

Thanksgiving Day

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day.  I will maybe take a ride to a shopping center,  I might go to the cheap movie theatre in Tempe to see a cheap flick. I should check on that.  I went to Fry's today to get a loaf of bread for a dollar.  I have enough cheese slices to eat plenty of grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch til next payday.  I anticipated a long November so I did stock up on food for the remainder of the month, but purchasing my cellphone has put a real dent in my pocketbook.  Living on too tight of a budget right now, and roughing it and toughing it out til December  comes in. 

My new cellphone has had an affect on me so that I was able to see myself looking my worse and realized that I have only a few years left on the earth.  So I must get my act together now to do all the things I want to do yet.  I am waking up to the fact that when one reaches 70 one is soon to cross over the bridge! 

I will admit that I do not worry about the other side since I have gleaned of so many awesome past lifetimes and have really learned a bit about each one of them.  I am confident that the afterlife is an improvement each time over the past life so that I am partially prepared for whatever lies ahead.

I know positively about the past so I am in anticipation of a greater day ahead in the future...I sometimes take myself very seriously despite knowing that all this is transistory, I know that it is the material existence that we come to love and enjoy.  The spiritual remains are what convinced me that spirit is eternal and constant.  Life can be beautiful if we make it that way. We at least must try. 

oh heck

w h

Blood Trail by C.J.Box

I found a book in the laundry room that caught my attention.  I had already reviewed the movie The WhistleBlower on facebook and blogger so that there seems to be so much similarity between the movie and the book that I do not find it a coincidence to be there at all. I really do like this book and the sympathy and the empathy that the author shows.  There is enough real twists and turns to this plot to keep one interested in the solution that I read it as quickly as I could after I got past that first chapter that drew me into the book.   Because I have read so many Tony Hillerman books I recognized some similarities in his mystery novel and this one so that is why I could sense that the murderer's thoughts were discernible.  Only certain kinds of hunters are this perceptive about nature.

The first chapter did intrigue me because I also use hunting and survival tactics in a forest in my book about Alexander. This book taught me a few things that I had not known or considered. The author does give credit to David Diaz for his book Tracking:Signs of Man, Signs of Hope, and to Michael Chesbro's Wilderness Evasion.  I never considered researching tracking until I read this book either.

I wrote off the top of my head and except for using history books by a few historians, I wrote my first draft from my own imagination and intuition.

So this book more or less brought me up to snuff realizing how much  I have yet to do to fully develop a compelling book.  But I am not being too hard on myself...I just needed the excuse to write some thoughts about Alexander that I wanted to explore and so I did do just that. I am rereading some of my recent efforts and realize that again I am being skeletal and trying to create an outline more than actually get into the story.  I am trying to decide how I will go about doing this because frankly, there is so much to develop yet.    I have a few very good scenes, and my book is gradually becoming an adult book more than a child's book.   Yet, I have to write with children in mind.  That controls some of the harshness of it.  Yet, because Alexander was a child when he took command, it means that he became an adult very soon in life.  I am thinking all this aloud now because it is very important to understand what he was like when he first took over at his father's death and how young and idealistic he had been at that age.  Despite the fact that he had participated and even led in a few battles as fundamentally a child, he assumed leadership based upon the love of his soldiers for him, and it enabled him to keep them loyal to him while they conquered their enemies. 

The point is that in reading this book, I see how this author has used his characters well to develop his plot, and to make us stay with the book. Had he not done that, the murder itself and the victims themselves would not matter to us. I have to develop my characters for those who do not know who Alexander is.

Movies

I have been watching movies lately.  Lincoln is the latest Spielberg directed movie so I decided to watch a few trailers of the film.  Sure enough, just as I suspected Barack Obama is being treated in a few publicity shots in a fashion reminiscent of Lincoln.  He has always said that he admired Lincoln so that it is obvious that he is imitating some of Lincoln's lonely portraits in the White House in a few publicity shots.  I saw the resemblance.

Skyfall is the latest Bond movie. It is number one at the box office which is to be expected. I have no idea what is happening except to know that Bond had been declared dead but has decided to resurrect himself to help his old pal M who needs him to stop some serious threat.  The trailers are  too action paced to make sense of any of it. I like the old sophisticated, debonair, and charming Bonds better than the gutsy, masochistic, rugged Bond.

If real life were ever as genuinely intriguing as movie life, we would be one sorry group of people. I hope that never do we have villains as well portrayed as Hollywood makes them.  Because for sure, we do not have real life heroes as bright and brilliant as those portrayed in our "hero" style films.

I hope that Barack Obama does not react to the movie Lincoln in the same way that Nixon reacted to the George Scott movie Patton.  I am suspicious that all these secession efforts are just a bit of a publicity stunt for the movie Lincoln.  You can bet that this movie will be Oscar material and will win many without fail.  By the way, Sally Fields as Mary Todd Lincoln makes me laugh, but she is cute in the role...probably too cute.  All 130 pounds of her! The real Mrs. Lincoln, not Sally!

Blood Trail

In the laundry room, I found a book called Blood Trail.  This is a strange story set in Wyoming about a hunter who is more than slightly cuckoo. He has decided to kill other hunters.  He actually treated the latest victim like one of the elk who hunters treat in a special way by gutting and decapitating them.  He is a serial killer but his thoughts are written up in the first chapter in such a way that is totally captivating and enthralling.  For a mentally unbalanced person to think so sensibly and clearly is quite a stretch but the chapter did tell me finally why that first chapter is so important. I had read a similar first chapter a while back that gave me some idea but this one did make me realize how important it is to engage your reader immediately...However, the rest of the story must surely keep up with the pace of the first.  But his descriptions of what  a hunter sees while carefully studying his prey is incredible.

I have been reading through my last efforts at continuing the story of Alexander, and while I thought I had a great way to make a historical narrative interesting and enthralling, I find that some of it is really good but much must be rewritten.  It is actually always a good idea to put aside your work for a while so that it can sit for awhile.  Later, you have a more critical and sound attitude to it.

I am at least finally coming back to renewing interest in it again.  But the last few months have been difficult for me to concentrate on anything but getting through each day one at a time.

After I had put my pet cat who was named for Alexander to sleep, I changed a lot about my interests in life now.  That event of watching my dearest beloved cat die really has impacted me.  My mother's death was bad enough for me, and the cat reminded me of when her little tongue suddenly popped out of her mouth too, and her head then just fell to the side.  I can never forget either one.  My friend Diane thinks I was very brave.  I don't think of it as brave at all, but it is something that I am glad now that I was there for each one of them at the time of their death. I wonder now about both.  I am sure that Alexander could be in spirit nearby.  I don't know about my mother any longer.

I am not trying to be morbid but I understand death better due to both of their passing while I was staring at each one. I was trying to give my mother mouth to mouth rescutitation and realized at how inept I was in my efforts but it was what brought a smile to her face, and her face then went white and she was gone.  I never forget her smile though.

Wondering why I wanted to write a book about Alexander at all.  Well, at first I did not want to do that.  But as time passed and I came to know him better and better, and had so many experiences in going back to that time, some of which truly impacted me very much, helping to explain some of today's events, I became terribly convinced that it would be a good thing if people could see him as I have seen him.  Whether I will be right or wrong about that is yet to be realized...I will just keep on working...

Post Abortion, Catholics, President and Pope

I wrote  two pieces in response to an ongoing discussion.  I have a great respect for the Holy Catholic Church with regard to its faithfulness in keeping the doctrine of Jesus Christ alive and well, and perpetuated throughout time in good faith and lovingness.  I also have a certain kind of respect and admiration for the government of the United States in its fluid state of administration since it evolves and changes from generation to generation.

However, in good conscienceness, I no longer participate in communion services or even in attendance at the local parish.  I have too many sincere disagreements with the pronouncements of the Bishops and the Pope regarding issues about which I feel strongly; therefore, I do not particpate in any but a total spiritual communion. I recognize that Jesus said where two or three are gathered in my name, I am with you always throughout time.  I understand that concept, and I understand fully the reason for the sacrament of communion.  It should be celebrated once a year in my opinion instead of daily but it is the centerpiece of the mass, so the practice continues.

When I was teaching, we said every single day without fail the pledge of allegiance to the United States. It was the first thing we did in the morning before the regular classes began.  After a time, even the pledge of allegiance to the United States became a rote, mechanical exercise.   It is the same in the church that after a time even Holy Communion becomes a mechanical rather than a meaningful experience.

When Jesus instituted the practice he was a living man sitting in  front of his disciples explaining a simple relationship between his own person and the staples of life, bread and wine.  Jesus in some ways was like the Greek god Dionysus in his use of wine for the purpose of reminding the apostles that he was sustenance for the soul.

The Catholic faith has a history of priests who have given their lives to preserve what they believe to be the living body of Jesus Christ in the form of the sacrament yet because of the nature and size of the church, the wine is given only to the priests and not to the people.  This in itself is almost a form of insult against the sacrament itself...that the people should have to take only the bread and not the wine. In protestant churches both are given and understood as symbolic of the body of Jesus.  The apostles knew full well that they were partaking of unleavened bread and wine when Jesus sat in person before them...When did the Church cease to realize that is what I have often wondered.

I know that my cousin Jimmy wants me to attend church for fellowship. I believe that fellowship is the result in a church where the congregation truly love one another. When my grandfather died, I was so impressed with the Pentecostal church who came to my grandmother in her time of need and supplied our family with pies, cakes, salads, and all kinds of home made goods to give comfort to my grandmother.  I truly saw that their goodness is what makes church so wonderful despite the fact that I do not like the style of heavy handed preaching. I could see that the minister and his wife (a Russian) truly were good and decent people, sincere and faithful in their own way to their belief in the Jesus that they taught.

Granted, the minister's wife did not like the fact that my hair was bleached at the time. She was downright forthright and honest about it. I overlooked it, knowing that vanity is thought to be a sin in some circles, and it is Biblical, but also knowing that despite their humble ways, I would still continue to bleach my hair.

Like Sandy in the movie Grease, I had become a bad girl.  I smoked, drank, partied, danced, and bleached my hair.  To the devout, I was dreadful.  Yet, inside me,I was possibly more religious than they could ever know...I live my religious belief of being good to one another through doing it rather than any other way.   And I do not shout it out to the world, or even talk about it...I know that God sees in secret.

This will be continued. 

Regrets

One thing I like about blogger is that it can be edited and deleted. I am going to delete two posts now.

Spouting off Time

Well, the election is over, and the winners are gloating and pleased with themselves, while the losers are sad, disheartened, and depressed. All had hoped for a return to great economic good news, but instead taxes being raised are making the headlines at CNN.  Oh boy, and a general has stepped down out of his job due to an indiscretion on his part...More to come in the soap opera of the WhiteHouse I am sure.

But I am going to spout off now about the people both on the inside and the ouside. I was really shocked to learn that people really believe that they alone know what is going on in the USA and who it is who should be elected to the most powerful job in the land...So we are told that it is the most powerful. Truthfully, that is not a realiable fact either.  Three branches of government means that the Executive Office has only a limited amount of power.  He can only do just so much.

I never really cared what people thought about my decision on which person I would choose. I do not like Barack Obama for sending horses to slaughter when he had promised not to do that. Then I read Ed Klein's book which says simply that Obama thinks that political promises can be easily broken because that is what political promises are all about...in other words, just so much bullshit.

I took an instant dislike to him when I read that.

I have contempt for both parties now.  I believe that anybody who is popular can get votes but that does not show respect for the office or for the nation.  The people deserve that the person who wins the election have credentials which make him capable of holding that office.

Romney at least had the  good grace to laugh at himself at the Al Smith function which told me that he was on sounder footing about himself and his past performances than what others seem to be.  Had the election been determined by the speeches given there, Romney would have won hands down in a minute unless as many already suspect, the election was rigged from the start.

I am not sour grapes about Barack Obama's win. I was torn in half.  Some of Obama's platform I approved, but not all of it.  I just simply do not like him as a  person. Romney came across to me as a decent and fine upstanding man, and I like him but did not approve his platform...so I was torn.

I do not like religion to creep into politics. Unfortunately, the Republican party has not only let it creep in but has given in to it in a  fashion that has turned many voters off.  If they could have gotten rid of some of the stupid thoughts that emanated from some of the men who spoke about rape and abortion as if it were some kind of insignificant wound they may have stood a chance. It is amazing to think that any of those men got any support at all.

Most fortunately were defeated soundly.  Thank Heaven for that.

About Romney's wealth, well, I am one of those who believe we had needed that kind of thinking man to finally know how to handle the economy of this nation.  I admire Romney for his ability to create businesses, thus, jobs, and profits.  I wonder at many who do not realize this, and for me, that was the most important reason to vote.

We need positive thinkers, doers, builders, and great men and women to serve in public office.  Hopefully, some will continue to try to serve this nation, and a smart electorate will finally elect them.

The White Ribbon (Spoiler)

I don't know how many have seen this movie.   I had seen the previews which did not entice me to see it, but finding it at the library I decided to overcome a certain dislike for it since it had won so many awards. It is called The White Ribbon.  The title comes from a form of punishment that a very rigid pastor hoists upon his children to insure that they lead virtuous and ideal lives.  The old story of preacher kids comes to mind.

The movie begins with a doctor returning home to get pitched off his horse when he hits a wire. He is hospitalized and we then meet the small village which belongs to a Baron and Baroness who have three children, twins, and a young boy named Sigi. Sigi is a beautiful child but suffers from boredom trying to satisfy his demanding mother.  The villagers are who the story is about but Sigi does have an important role in the film. 

The narrator of the story is the teacher who is a son of a tailor.  He is 31 years old, single, and a simple, kind, naive type of man who falls in love with a young 17 year old girl who is the nanny for the Baron and Baronness's children. 

This is not  a happy movie. It is a sad movie full of malice, emptiness, disdain, cruelty, envy, nearly all the sins that one can empty onto a piece of Hollywood celluloid. The writer outdid himself using a Conan O'Brien look alike to portray the cruel mean doctor who in the beginning of the film is so readily taken out.  Later, we learn his evil secret which may be a clue to who it is that did string the wire to trip him up, saving his own daughter the misery that he has inflicted onto her.  In the meantime, his wife has died so that he takes up with the midwife who is his children's caretaker, and who he secretly hates but uses to satisfy his lusts.  There is an especially dreadful scene where he berates her sadistically so that she squeals on his dreadful deeds to his daughter which she has seen him do.

Two young children get tortured, the midwife's son who is a sweet and innocent retarded child, and the son of the Baron and Baroness, Sigi.  Both are tortured cruelly, and the culprit frankly is never found, but there are significant clues as to who may have done the dreadful deeds.

A woman is killed sensely while working the Baron's fields so that her son goes berserk, using his scythe to take his vengeance out on cabbage heads, cutting them down in a rage.  This costs his father and his family much humiliation and finally loss of jobs and then loss of life.  The father hangs himself.

Isn't this just the happiest film you have ever seen get an award? Ha!

But throughout the film, there is sweet innocence, stark cruelty, as the children are portrayed as both good, sweet, and evil. One of the pastor's daughters mercilessly kills a caged bird to put it on her father's desk.  The pastor is a man who one must question at times for his authoritarian and punitive way of teaching the Gospel.  Old time religion seems to often be the worst kind of teaching, and in this case, it most certainly is. He has his son who is exhibiting signs of masturbating secretly tied down while in bed so that he can overcome the temptations to touch himself.

It is one of those films that because it exposes life so well in this harsh and unforgiving environment that it garnered awards from the world of film. 

I was shocked, stunned, and amazed at the rawness of the film.  We see the tortured child, and know through his agony who may have committed this horrible act of trying to blind him.  He flees town so we are fairly certain that he is the guilty culprit.  However, whoever it was who had Sigi tied upside down and caned is never fully known...

In the end, World War I is about to begin because some anarchist has killed the King of Austria. 

The narrator, the teacher, does find love and happiness in his shy young nanny who has gotten fired from her job because of the torture to Sigi.  Unfair, but nothing is fair in this film.  Her father who demanded that he wait a year does come to the village to inspect the teacher's habitat so that the two can become married.  He is drafted into the army but survives and life goes on...probably as sourly after the war as before.

This is a movie that is intended to expose daily life in German villages.  It is ironic that it is called The White Ribbon.  Lord knows these krauts are as sour as sauerkraut.