Yours Truly

Yours Truly
Janet Fauble at home

Friday, June 29, 2012

Daily Life in the summer of 2012 in AZ

Believe me, this has been the hottest summer I can remember where I have just plainly found it too hard to get out in the day so that I stay indoors and avoid the heat.  You would think that I would accomplish something this way, but that is not the case.  I am lucky to get one thing done each day.  Naturally, I do far more than I admit to doing, but taskwise I am limited to accomplishing one thing at a time in this time of my life.  I am slowed down to the pace of a turtle and by golly, I am almost starting to enjoy it.  ''

Today, the maintenance man came to fix the leak in the shower and bath, the ceiling where the air conditioning filter is located, and a front closet door that sometimes causes a piece to drop so that I cannot close the door fully.  It  took some calling to make certain that he would come and finally when he did come, it took a while for him to get all the things done...A towel rack had to be repaired, the faucets in the tub had to be to toally replaced, the ceiling where the air conditioner is located had to be fixed, and the front closet needed a quick fix.  He did it all in a very quick and orderly fashion, proving to me that this man is worth his salt.  Plus, he was very nice about it all. I seldom have had to make complaints about anything but he has always been good about doing his job. A very nice man.

I had baked another banana bread last night, and while it was not exactly the same it is as good as the other that I have put into freezer bags.  That means that for the time being, I am going to share this bread with others (if I do) and finish it off. It is so good but I am not ready to put it in the freezer yet.

I have been on a reading binge. It helps me to see how other authors write their stories and why it is that they sell so many copies.  I did see both Steve Berry and James Rollins in person at the local bookstore years ago.  I have been a fan of both for a long time.   It is quite difficult to maintain a steady novel list of thrillers to devote so much time and passion in order to seduce readers to keep reading your works.

I had not thought that I would be interested in learning about the sacred artifacts of Jewish history but in fact it was quite interesting after all. It does make one understand more than ever that Jesus was quite a shock to the staid Jews when he  admitted that the true temple is the person, and not some edifice or structure in which people place so much importance.  Jesus said that the truth is within, that the Kingdom of Heaven is within, and it takes a long time and experience for that realization to make sense.  This novel is mostly about Jews but it does show the conflict when a Jewish man marries a Christian and converts to her faith. That becomes a very important and major factor in the plot of the novel.

The novel also reminded me of the time I visited the Klutz region of the Smithsonian Institute.  Many things were brought back to me while reading this novel. I had come upon the godfather chair there and had had this compulsion to sit in it, but I did resist strongly.  I was reminded of that again.  That is very important to me, and I thought about it again tonight...thoughts come to me which I won't put on paper but I admit that a thought remains instilled within me.  The Riggs bank then also  comes to mind, so I am writing this now to remind myself if necessary later.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

The Columbus Affair

I recently read Run by Ann Patchett, and now have finished reading The Columbus Affair by Steve Berry.  Oddly enough, the two authors use a similar religious custom or device in each of their novels, and I cannot help but wonder if they did not get together and decide to do this, seeing how each could incorporate such an idea in their story.  Rather than spoiling it for future readers, I will just say that it is strange that I read both books within a time period that is clearly likely that they may have decided together to do this task.  If they did not, I find it a strange and unusual fact that in each case the succession must be according to sex.  For that reason alone, I am convinced that they corroborated together while writing these two books.

Nevertheless, Steve Berry stays true to his having to run all over the world to research information for his novel. This time he had to go to Prague and to Jamaica.  He writes a fascinating story in which he delves seriously into the customs and traditions of the Jewish people.  Ann Patchett's book is about Irish Catholics. 

Berry takes on the journey of Christopher Columbus in a way that nobody has ever dreamt possible or likely until you read his book and begin to wonder.  Is this novel of fiction based upon any kind of truth or not?  He does discuss the differences in the fiction and the so called truth of the tales at the end of the book.  I am reminded that I never take history very seriously since most of us are given only a very rudimentary education in our school years and then forget it altogether.

He does convince me that the story of Columbus being Italian is totally false.  He is apparently Castilian Spanish.  The plot is always simple. Find a treasure hidden somewhere or your daughter or yourself will die, and naturally, in that process, many people do die along the way while the former Pulitzer Prize winning journalist tries to redeem himself to restore his own reputation and name having had lost it in a dastardly way.  The descriptions of the people of Jamaica are fascinating as is the description of the island and its many caves, mountains, and mysteries.  Very few noble characters in this novel but a few are quite fascinating to meet. 

Friends

Today has been a most dreadful day for me. I am happy to have found that an old friend is still probably the best friend that I have ever known.  Why?  Because she is coming though for me with what I need most at a time when I need it the most.  I will not dwell on this because I have been crying about it ever since she offered to help me. 

Who else would be so thoughtful? so kind?  I know two other friends who have done this much for me and I owe them yet.  I can only say that I am grateful and will do what I can to help her when the time should ever arise. 

I am likely to begin crying again.  It is that bad for me at this time. 

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Remembering Nelda Berndt

Nelda Berndt is a very important influence in my life during the time that I was a workhorse in the Azusa Unified School District. I was in my 20's, still naive enough to think that teaching is something important, that reaching students and impacting the young has value and worth.  Only the young really believe that since age teaches us otherwise.  In time, we eventually learn that our enthusiasm when young is simply youth's natural state and that age dims that light for all the right reasons...it is natural.

So while I had had a limited education, having had the environment of a small town country girl who did not have luxurious field trips, extracurricular activities to enhance my limited regurgitory education, I entered life with only the exposure of small town, and suitcase college experience.  I was still very inhibited, natural and outgoing, but lacking in many respects so that culture frankly was not a part of my lifestyle.  I was  a country hick, straight from the midwest where life is controlled and regulated by the seasons.

Nelda was of the same stock. She came from Minnesota and was proud to have been a farm girl also. But as a parent, she enrolled her children in little league games since their father was an avid fan of baseball so that his sons had to follow suit.  I ended up helping her at little league games in the concession stands, making taco strips, watching kids and parents alike compete for winning in the baseball games. 

She invited me to become a part of her family, a good husband, three sons, and a daughter. We met due to the fact that her oldest son was in my classroom.  I was very young then, and the talk of the school not for my appearance but for my exciting English classes.  A devoted and dedicated teacher I was then trying to prepare the college students to succeed when they finally left the high school classroom.

I had had several romances that never panned out for me, leaving me to be an early old maid in that day, at the tender age of 24. Again, I met up with men, but thanks to Nelda's wisdom about marriage and family, I listened to her advice about marriage.  She was frankly sour on it but due to religious beliefs, and family, she held on and loved her husband despite his neglect of her.

So it goes   Her obituary testitifies to the fact that if women hold on long enough they can finally win some of what they want for themselves.  Apparently, she did succeed in having all her children educated and able to fend for themselves.  She and her husband eventually moved away from their home in West Covina to Colton to enjoy a retired state of life.  Her husband survives her as do all her three children. I did contact one of them tonight. I do not know if she will respond.  I spent a lot of time taxiing these children around for the Berndts in those days. I enjoyed them.  As Nelda always said, What are friends for?

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Run by Ann Patchett

Run is a novel about two adopted children, black boys who were adopted separately. After the youngst son was accepted by the family, the agency called to ask if they would take an older son so that the boys could stay together.  The family agreed.  The opening chapter describes a statue of the Virgin Mary in the home which is passed from daughter to daughter in the family.  Strangely enough, the statue looks like the woman who has adopted the black boys.  The family is Irish Catholic, has a natural son, Sullivan, who looks like his mother, Bernadette.,  Supposedly the story takes place within a 24 hour period, but the final chapter does take place several years later, but during the course of one snowfilled day, the reader learns of the characters of Tip and Teddy, the black boys, Doyle, the Irish Catholic former mayor of Boston who is the adopted father, and Kenya, a young black girl, and her mother Tennessee, Father Sullivan, brother to Doyle, and uncle of Tip and Teddy and natural son Sullivan.   Sullivan is jealous of his two adopted younger brothers, has serious problems regarding his emotional status, so he has reappeared from his years of service in Africa where he has been doing penance for a driving accident in which his partner, Natalie, was killed due to his drunken state.  Tip and Teddy are both overly protected and prodded by their father Doyle who wants them to go into politics to become the president.  Neither want to fulfill his ambition for them.  On this one single day, the entire family becomes united together due to a snowstorm, events that bring them together to listen to a Jesse Jackson lecture locally, and thus, meet up with Tennesse and Kenya.  Kenya is only 11 years old.  After leaving the lecture, the snow is so heavy that nobody can see a car that causes Tip to be pushed away from the car when Tennessee sees it coming, and takes the hit herself.  Kenya is left alone while Tennessee is taken to the hospital and Tip is also taken in to repair his ankle injury when the tire rolled across his foot.  The entire novel describes Tip, Teddy, Kenya, Tennessee, Doyle, Father Sullivan, and Sullivan who have all come together at one time in one place. The old priest is near death by manages to satisfy Teddy to come to the hospital to pray for Tennessee.  This is a wonderful book to read as it is told in such a simple homespun way, but the characters are exaggerated so that one cannot believe in the success story of these simple people despite the good intent behind it.  It just proves that in the right environmental setting, anyone with a half way decent i.q. can get an education, social acceptance, and approval to acquire a medical degree, succeed in politics, and even run in the Olympic games...Preposterous but entertaining!

Revising my novel on Alexander

I admit I did write a full length novel on the topic of Alexander's childhood, and I did it in a chronological order, boring as that sounds. I have more or less decided to change all that, as the first opening chapter must be one that lights a fire under the reader so that I have been studying first chapters in novels now.  A prologue that I just read by Saladin Ahmed is so horrifying that I was jarred to sensibility.  I could not envision such a dreadful scene as he paints, and there is no way that I will ever compete with that.  He is a fantasy writer so his fantasy is gruesome but interesting and I am compelled to read further.  I have decided to begin my chapter with a scene that hopefully will be gripping and enthralling so that readers will want to continue with the story.

 In Ann Patchett's book that I read called Run, her opening chapter is seriously appealing but has so little relevancy to the rest of the story as to be totally misleading.  And she is also an award winning authoress, not quite as bad as a woman who has written a totally stupid story about a dog who is the reinarnation of Elvis, but I did find fault with Ann Patchett for her stereotyped characters turning out to be such easy winners in the most unlikely of scenarios. Two black kids raised in a white home with special privileges naturally turn out to be exceptional scholars...Come on!  Give me a break!  And their newly found sister is akin to Secretariat! Ha!  She is at 11 a runner who would put all the Olympians to shame. Too much exaggeration to be plausible. Especially with using the Kennedy family as a parallel role model. One of the boys has to be named for Teddy who naturally takes him and helps him. That frankly is over the top.

 I am a rough critic to be perfectly honest, even though I can be gentle on people. I think that Nancy Bilyeau is unhappy with me because I found her story to be too easy to solve too soon.  There were no other plausible characters to do such dastardly deeds so I figured it out right away and was pretty much finished with the story halfway through for that reason alone, but stayed with it to the end since her heroine is a bit strange behaving for a Dominican nun. I liked the manner in which she let this nun escape the convent long enough to travel throughout England looking for a mysterious crown.  That is the basis of the story, a search for a crown in which she can illuminate the status of the common man during the reign of the Tudor king, Henry VIII.

 In Mistress of the Sun, I felt that Sandra Gulland did not develop the character of Louise la Valliere well enough, despite the fact that parts of it are genuinely moving and very touching.  Yet, we saw little of her after she met the King and became his Mistress.  I had wanted more.  I know that Sandra had not believed in my unique means of knowing the Sun King, as I had discussed it quite openly so that she could know how I feel about him.  She has let me know that there are authors who simply dislike him.  I have always supported him because of my having undergone the experience of entering into his spiritual entity and reliving his life through him.  I came to love and like him very much. I know how he felt about Louise de la Valliere.  In truthfulness, Louise de la Valliere took to heart all the religious teachings to finally wean her away from the grip of the King upon her.  Since she had truly loved him, she had difficult choices to make.  She finally chose the religious vocation to do penance for what she perceived to be his sins. The King had no such luxury to forsake the rule of France for a religious opportunity.  His comments about the clergy and the church have always appealed to me.  Louis XIV is a very observant, insightful, and thoughtful ruler the truth be known. I will still always defend him to the very crown of his head. 

  I admit that Scott Oden did satisfy me with his version of Memnon though fundamentally I disagree with him about Barsine's love for Memnon.  I believe that Barsine's marriages were born of necessity more than of love.  She is nothing like Penelope to Odysseus at all.  However, I really enjoyed his version of what Memnon could have been like, but I do not see Barsine ever pining away for him at all, so it was unrealistic to me.  However, Barsine's story itself would be fascinating to imagine.  Again, like with Louis XIV, I defend Alexander to the crown on his head as well, and I know that Barsine is a major player in his life.  As with Louis XIV, I have been in Alexander's spiritual body to understand his viewpoints, and I have seen Barsine and their son, Heracles.  When Alexander did marry Roxanne, Barsine was sent away to care for the son instead of traveling with the army as she had done earlier.  Whether she volunteered to return to her family home in Persia or whether she was sent is unrecorded.  I am comfortable with the idea that she relinquished her hold on Alexander when he fell in love with Roxanne, and realized that Barsine and Heracle's safety would be jeopardized if she remained in campe. Roxanne is a dangerous lover and threat to Barsine.


 I tried reading Hilary Mantel's Wolf Hall and actually liked  the parts of it that I did read. I could see what she was doing and for a time enjoyed it, but put it away and have never finished it yet.  I have it waiting on the shelf along with many other half read but never finished novels.  Because she had won a prize I wanted to see and understand why she did.  It is a most unusual style of writing that she uses in getting into the character of Thomas Cromwell.  I found it very satisfying.

Song of Achilles began like a ripoff of Sound and Fury to me so that I have not yet finished reading it. I do not like this author's spin on Achille's cousin Patroclus at all, but I do still intend to read it to the end.   I get a bit tired of the gay agenda if that is what she is trying to do with the story. I do not know if that is where she is taking us on her ride in the famed son of Thetis's novel, but I began reading it to take it up later when I can find it somewhere. Looks to me that they have killed it off at the bookstores.  In the version I have of the Iliad, Achilles has a love of his own, for which is the cause of his argument with Agamemnon, and his cousin Patroclus also has a woman in his tent, when he and Achilles spend the night together waiting for Priam to visit them.  It appears that Achilles had two women who he loved very much.  That is all I can say since I have not read the entire Song of Achilles yet at all, so have no idea what the author's imagination is exposing.  Only a critic's commentary put me on edge about it which means that I took offense at it.

I have learned through discussions with the local version of the NaNoWriMo group that bookstores can suppress an authors works as well as promote them, that one person alone determines which books will sit up front to be picked up and sold.  I found that news to be frankly disastrous!  I had tried to find a book at Barnes and Noble written by an author friend and to my dismay it was not available here at this outlet.  I can of course buy it through Amazon but because of one bad experience online with credit card, I will not take that chance ever again!

So I have decided to open my chapter on the youth of Alexander with Philip barking out orders to his soldiers, getting them disciplined and hardened to military life...after reading that opener by Saladin Ahmed, (not Mike Sala from court reporter fame but it sure sounds a lot like it, doesn't it?) who is from Detroit, Michigan, not Saudia Arabia or Egypt, I have decided to pour it on a bit in my novel but not enough to really scare the living daylights out of anyone...I had originally intended to use the fiery opening of a temple being burned to the ground so that the arsonist could make a name for himself.  After reading Throne of the Crescent Moon's intro, I decided even a temple burning to the ground is not spellbinding.  I am wondering whether making men buckle under through harsh discipline may create interest.   Philip is a hard-nosed ruler and I like the idea of watching pikes being hoisted into the air while little three year old Alexander toddles alongside outside the fence imitating these huge muscle men trying to become just like them...I can see that picture so well.  Disciplined men hoisting the grand sarissa high into the air, turning at the exact moment a trumpet calls, and little Alexander toddling along, proudly stepping with tiny legs to the march of the army...Oh boy!



The act of writing a novel

I have been reading many books since I began writing my own novel begun two years ago. I realize that it will take some time to finally be ready for publishing.  Learning so much through other people's efforts helps me to know how to revise and rewrite my own.  I have read several award winning books, some of which I wonder how they won a prize at all.  When a book cannot hold your interest or get you even mildly involved it, I think that writer's prizes are a bad joke. I am reading a book right now that is so inane, so badly written, but on the jacket it tells me how many awards this woman has received, and I wonder why?  Is something wrong with the committee who decided this or am I just not able to see how or why this woman could do anything but be slammed shut to prepare for the annual book burning ceremonies which kids love to give so much.  Honestly, I don't think much of prizes when they award this kind of junk recognition.  What can I say? She takes the prize all right, and in my day, that was tossed about as an insult!  Not a compliment!

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Jerry Sandusky Verdict

This is the second post I will write about this verdict and this trial.  I watched Nightline tonight and read a few stories about it on the internet, and watched the various video tapes that show that the crowds of people who assembled together outside the courtroom were quite vociferous in their applause for the verdict.   I do believe that this was a criminal case since there are laws intended to protect minors against acts of sexual behaviour perpetrated by adults.   Roman Polanski is a famous case about famous people who are able to violate the law and appear to get by with it.  Attitudes about age of consent and adults seem to change over the years.  There is little doubt that Jerry Sandusky's case is different from Polanski's but not by very much.  Hollywood actors, directors, and producers have been practicing dodging accusations and charges pretty well over the years.  An athletic member is generally very protected as had Jerry Sandusky been for many years.  Nobody wants the stigma of impropriety so most hide it under the covers, shove it on the backburner, and usually, unfortunately, get by with it.   The Catholic Church has been paying a high price for the numbers of priests and monks who have violated their so called vows and oaths.  Boy Scout leaders in fact have been discovered and exposed as well.  So it is a national problem.  It is a good thing that this case became public, that people actually were outraged, and that the victims had the courage to speak up.  However, it is sad that people do not understand that Jerry seems not to fully understand exactly what went wrong and why.  It seems that he soon learned that he had to protect himself from the law and the public so that when he was interviewed by Bob Costas he said no that he was not sexually attracted to young people.  If that were true, since nobody believed him being on public television with an attorney present, why is it that his actions seem to suggest otherwise?  The verdict is in.  Will people learn?  Will children not be dazzled by high priced gifts and special privileges?  Will they learn to say no?  Some will.  Some will not.  Let's hope that the adult males learn not to touch young children.  Is this someone's fear?  Do Not Touch the Children!  Hmph!  Didn't Life magazine write this very story years ago?  I remember it well...a fear's test!

The Jerry Sandusky verdict


I am rewriting this to be succinct and to the point.  Mind reading or e.s.p. is a fact.  I can prove it even almost to the day with this Jerry Sandusky case, but I will let it rest since the prosecutor said it had nothing to do with time travel.  I posted some of my stories on here and facebook for that reason.  Because I received a message from a classmate in Ohio last week, I understood why it is that on that very day suddenly I thought of her and the letter that she had sent.  All I had to do was open facebook and there was the proof!  It is e.s.p.  I know that men who are attracted to young boys do take chances and hope to never be found out.  Some insure that they won't be by killing their victims.  So this Jerry Sandusky case is just one more of a true story that is similar to childhood fairy tales. Beware of the big bad witch.  Beward of the wolf!  Children try to get through youth to adulthood without falling into traps and schemes.  Beware the child molester!  This is what happens if you don't and can't get past the Jerry Sandusky type men of this world. He is not alone...There are many more out there!
Sad to say that there are also lecherous old women out there too!  I read of a woman who had similarly performed an act of sexual impropriety on a female child.  Beware your babysitter!  That can be found through Mailonline.com.

Friday, June 22, 2012

UFO blog tonight

I read another interesting account of a ufo and watched a video tonight about a hoax that was supposedly going to be perpetrated upon the people by the government.  I don't recall the Japanese scientist's name right off hand.  He is on my list of blogsites that I follow.  He just posted this right after I watched a ufo report last night about a sighting in Moscow.  It was very interesting to me that his mother saw this ufo in 1975 which is the same year that my mother and I witnessed a ufo so up close in Michigan that I was immediately suspicious too.  One can never believe one's own eyes at times, but eventually we became convinced that it was a genuine unidentified flying object.  It has never left my memory so that the description of the ufo with a dome made me think of the ridges that we had seem.  Maybe the dome part had been pointed at us so that it looked liked ridges.  One never knows, does one? 

I had had a dream the night before last which troubled me about somehing in the air that was flying overhead with red and blue lights letting loose some kind of gaseous substance that was coming down upon the area in which I found myself. I felt as though I were being pursued so was looking to find away to escape the gases.  I was going to my left into a high field of corn or wheat to escape the overhead vehicle, not sure what it was at all.  It made me wonder then what if ufo's could actually dispense some kinds of materials that would be unknown to us and invisible to the eye.  I think of everything whenever I have strange dreams...will close this now.  Hoping all those ufo's are here for our wellbeing, and are benevolent whoever or whatever they may be.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Alexander as character in novel

I finished my first draft some time ago. I have let it rest for some time.  There are many reasons.  One, I wrote two or three different ways of presentation, am not yet decided upon exactly how I will finally bring it together...The basic skeleton of the novel is there with some character development, but I am having to rethink my opening chapter.  I am reading that the opening chapter, in fact the first page, determines whether people will want to read it or not.  I jump from third person to first person, and I have to rework that in a way that will be enjoyable and comprehensible.

 Characters in his life in his childhood are many: parents Philip and Olympias, caretaker is Lanice, teachers are three primarilyLysimachos, Leonidas, and Aristotle.   He had a sister Cleopatra who was also Olympias's daughter, and a brother Arrhideus, a half brother.  In fact, he had several half brothers and sisters from his wives numerous wives and mistresses, but for this book I use so far only Cleopatra.  He met with many people in the course of his youth who befriended him when he seemed to need them.  One was the man who bought his horse Bucephalus for him, another was a man who caused his father to send for him to return from exile when he had left the  Palace after a rift between him and his father, and then he knew his father's generals, Parmenio, and Parmenio's son, Philotas.  He met other boys when he attended the school of pages and studied with Aristotle.  Some of these who were sons of generals in his father's army he had known from childhood.  Amongst his friends and classmates were Hephaestion, Craterus,  Harpolos, Ptolemy, Perdiccas, Leonnatus, and others.  In my novel I have him knowing every stable hand, groom, and gardener, cook, attendant, all who worked in or near the Palace.  He meets up with Demosthenes in person, members of the Persian King's entourage, ambassadors to Pella, exiled king Artabazus and his daughter  Barsine, and Rhodian General, Memnon

As a young child, he was precocious, apparently doted upon by both parents, and adored and loved by his friends.  Many different scholars treat him in a variety of ways.  My book is to be considered fiction, but when I have an opportunity I occasionally write of an experience that I had in my trips to the past.  In that way, I was able to see his relationship to Philip, who plays a very major role in this novel as he is the reason for Alexander's success as a soldier.  But Alexander is a strong willed man who has a mind of his own, and while he learns all the discipline from his father, learns how to develop his own skills, he remains true to his inner self, which is totally different from that of his father.  Conflicts are abundant in his childhood because of his father's behaviour, absence from the Palace due to his military calling, and as Alexander grows he becomes influenced by the strictness of his teachers, the imagination of Lysimachos, and the close and warm attachment to his mother who totally lives for him and his success.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

NaNoWriMo Time

I thought I would try to develop characters in the Louis XIV era on this blogger or maybe on Live Journal.  Both  probably since I had some trouble here having a piece on Philippe published.  The rules of NaNoWriMo prohibit having the novel already written but one should be prepared when writing a novel for that cause.  So I thought that the next effort I would make to have a book published at once would be on the era of the Ancien Regime, the time of Louis XIV.  I have not yet planned a novel as such but I thought if I worked through the characters one might come to me if I found a particular time period or event interesting in 50,000 words. So I am just playing and toying, sometimes in a narrative form, sometimes, in an actual drama form.  Because I have some readers at facebook who like to know about these things, I am sharing a few of my "writing attempts" there.  It is mostly to get it out of my system just to see what comes out as I proceed.  So it is not to be taken as anything but talking out loud and thinking out loud.

Philippe d'Orleans

There is a problem regarding a post that I wrote about Philippe, King Louis XIV's younger brother. I am simply stating this because I do not know for certain the reason why that did not get published.  I want this recorded now to remember that..

Character study in novels

I read all the writer's tips that writers digest offers and tonight was an interesting one in which the co-author of James Patterson's books whose name is not right now on the tip of my tongue advised that protagonists do not necessarily need to be superheroes but to have flaws.  I am working on a character in my Alexander novel who is considered the world's greatest hero by his supporters and naturally, the world's worst demon by his enemies.  I am going to discuss Alexander a bit here.  Alexander is a complex character. My novel is designed to prove that his education, his indoctrination by his mother and his father, his teachers, the dramatists of the day, his classmates, and his own innate sense of his own person created the successful general , city administrator, and architect that he became.  He was born with innate qualities that give him personality, dedication, and perseverance.  But his learning came from outside sources which had him convinced that he was a child of destiny, a young god who must fulfill his own fate which was to rule the then known world.  But he had to do it with his father's carefully prepared and developed army, adding to it as he traveled to conquer the many tribes and nations around him.  As a character observed from outsiders who study on he historical documents that were left behind to verify his conquests make him appear formidable, determined, ruthless, and bloodthirsty.  These documents were all copied by later historians whose works are all that remain for modern day historians to use to understand why it is that he achieved success as he did, omitting often the fact that he was truly motivated by his divine status and his belief that the gods themselves assisted him and opened many doors for him.  When a man truly believes that the immortals are behind his very destiny he can and will achieve success unlike any other ordinary man.  Few men ever achieve such success with out that kind of faith and belief, trust in the forces that propel him forward.  Jesus Christ is also another figure in history whose life was directed by that same belief that his fate was determined by his God, in case, his Heavenly Father.  In Alexander's case, his Heavenly father is Zeus in whom he also believed as much as Jesus had done.

****Some may think it preposterous that I was able to enter into the spiritual body of Alexander or that it was exposed to me.  Frankly, had I not I would not be interested in him in even the slightest degree.  And were it not for the fact that I actually was able to see Jesus through the same method I would not have been able to see and learn of Alexander. I place both in similar lights due to that method and means of coming to learn of their spiritual aspects.

******Alexander is a very strange man when one is only aware of historical stories about him, as he is frankly misunderstood and misrepresented. That is one reason that I decided to write a novel about him beginning with his childhood. When one can travel through his life as I have had the luxury to do, one sees him in an entirely different light.  He was carefully prepared for his role as King of the World in that time, and it is quite interesting to realize that the gods are there for him whenever he truly needs them. I maintain that he is the tool of the gods to do their bidding, and that he fully realizes it, and is fully receptive to their will.  In the Christian faith, we call this humility..Not my will, oh Lord, but thy will be done.  Alexander submitted to do the will of the gods wholly and completely, thus, he was able to fulfill his goals and aspirations.

******As stories go, his is  a fascinating story which is similar to some old testament stories of the patriarchs of the faith, Moses, Abraham, King David, even...for all are after all stories of struggles between man and God....

******Alexander is a man who allows himself to become one of the gods after he follows in the example of Heracles, and other ancients who have accomplished great feats so that he can be acclaimed by the citizens of Greece to be one of the immortals, the gods.  Thus, with that goal in mind, he marches with an army  to conquer each and every tribe who is in his path to glory.

to be continued.

Smartphones and computers

I use both facebook and twitter to the exclusion of almost everything else.  Because I have limited access to the computer, I allow myself so much time for each which means that I use my smartphone more often than my laptop. I am in the process of determining now that I have some experience in pc's what to do next.  I want a new smartphone, a new computer, and a new printer so that I can finally join all those already in progress working on blogs, novels, etc.  Last night I studied the new Samsung Galaxy III as opposed to the new HTC EVO 4lte which is now on the market.  A new Iphone may be in the works. If I stay with windows, I will probably stay with the smartphone android rather than opt for Mac and Iphone.  However, if I go with an apple computer I will go with their iphone just to stay in the same company and programs.  So it is a weighty decision. I learned a lot from the present system to which I am accustomed.  I am having to learn the advantages and disadvantages of each. Cheap is always most expensive in the end. I am learning that through the netbook for sure.  But despite its low cost it has served me well.  I appreciate both HSN and Gateway for that.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Pissed at Google

I am beginning to hate this blogpost since it is not behaving well for me. I am really annoyed with it. I wrote a creative piece about Monsieur tonight which would not publish and I am frankly angry about it. I don't like this idiotic word processor acting up which makes me mighty suspicious about this damnable computer. Damn google or whoever is behind this.

Midnight in Paris movie by Woodie Allen

Lovers of Paris will enjoy this movie from the beginning when so many tourist attractions dominate the opening scenes. I will watch the opening shots if nothing else, because they are truly magnificent. The plot is thin and weak, but it does make one wish that one could have this kind of experience meeting with many of the famous artists and writers who occupied Paris for one reason or another years ago. Paris has a rich history of the elite making it the background for many of their creations, and Allen exploits those famous personalitiies to the hilt in this strangely veiled flick, not quite romance or comedy. I remember Woodie Allen for his having been a comedian years ago when he appeared regularly as a guest on the Tonight Show. The marriage of the two main players is threatened when they travel to Paris to have the young woman's parents who are staid and conservative Republicans drop in to determine if this young hack scriptwriter is man enough for their daughter. Dad has to hire a private detective to follow him when he mysteriously disappears at night in hunt of adventure and excitement. He has written a novel about nostalgia shops that takes him on a strange journey of creative nostalgia to times past meeting with illustrious names in the world of literature, music, and art. Not only does he meet with Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Gertrude Stein, Cole Porter, but also Pablo Picasso, Salvador Dali, and Toulouse Lautrec, all in one single piece of celluloid! Fancy that! So if your dream is to meet face to face with Ernest Hemingway, drop everything, for Allen's version of the handsome young journalist is only one of the marvelously presented famous expatriates who found their way to Paris. Highly recommended for the beauty of seeing Paris in the rain....

Anne of Austria, Queen of France

Anne of Austria, mother of Louis XIV, and Philippe, became a widow five years after she delivered her first born son, the future king of France. For many years she had suffered as the wife of the jealous and obsessive Louis XIII, who threatened her to exile if she misbehaved in any form. With the tyrannical Richelieu as his chief advisor, the King had his own mother sent to exile. Anne's heart had been seared when the young king had to be carried in to marry her. He had not wanted to marry but was forced to when only a child, a teenager. As a consequence, she was barren of child for 23 years. During that time, her husband the king had her watched for signs of betrayal. She feared going into exile but managed to survive the cruelty of the court. During a winterstorm, when the king was unable to get to his chateau, he was forced to move into her apartments where for some reason or other they finally overcame the problem of separation to create a circumstance whereupon she became pregnant with child, thus, saving the monarchy for France. The probability is that the King well knew that he needed a successor to the throne. After 23 years of chastity, at last the Queen gave birth to young Louis who would succeed his father. Two years later, she gave birth to another son, which somehow or other expelled the belief that she and her spouse could not get along. Proud as the father had been, it was the exclusive role of the mother to rear this child to become the future King. Since she was a Princess of Spain, she knew well the full meaning and importance of the new born child. She ruled his life so that he was never to be threatened by even his younger brother as her own husband had endured. Five years later, the King died, probably due to incompetency of his physician, and his first child named for him, Louis XIV, became in fact the new King of France. Anne curtsied before her young son upon the death of his father. ****With the help of Cardinal Mazarin, Anne acted as Regent to the young King, and made all the decisions regarding the French kingdom. She protected him during the time that the mobs in Paris stormed his bedroom, demanding to see him, proving that he was still present in the court. She and Cardinal Mazarin guided and directed the young child in all his activities so that he would one day become the ruler of France. She insured that Philippe would never be an overt threat to the eldest son. While Louis XIV had to suffer learning the procedures necessary to rule, Philippe was trained to become an indolent and passive child, dressed in girls clothing, he became a form of transvestite. Anne is who is to blame for Philippe's lifestyle as she imposed it upon him. After Cardinal Mazarin died, Louis XIV at age of 23 became the sole ruler and because of the stern Richelieu determined that he would not have a prime minister. Anne took a back seat from that day on, but she was ever present to always lend a hand to the children she had borne. She eased the tears of the young Queen who would run to her for assistance when the King broke her heart. Anne admonished young Louis whenever his affairs became an embarrassment to the family and the court. Because she had entrusted Louis XIV with the rule of government, she gave Philippe the most property in her will upon her death. She gave to Philippe much more attention at times than people realized. He was who stayed with her at the time of her death long after the King had left. Anne died from breast cancer, a cruel disease from which she suffered terribly. She left as a heroine to her young son, the King, who credits her with having saved the crown and the throne for him. Anne is truly one of the greatest queens who has served France.

Part 4 Francois d'Aubigne

The Queen dies! Life is strange in this kingdom. The beautiful little Princess from Spain has succumbed to an illness that brought her down in her youth at the age of 38. She has remained true and faithful to the young prince that she has adored so madly, has cried herself to sleep at nights over his love affairs, has opened her arms to him when he dutifully came to her to bed with her. Her excitement at his lovemaking was always known the next day by her gleefully ringing bells and clapping her hands so that everyone knew that she and the King had made love the night before. Suddenly she was gone! The king expressed the view that she had never given him any trouble. ****Francois must have been devastated to learn this. The relationship between Athenais and the King disappeared when news came to light that members of the court had been using witchcraft, poisons, and enchantments, even black masses with the help of the witches who lived and prospered from the superstitious court and Parisian noblemen. Athenais was named as a purchaser of potions which had been used to seduce the King. The King wisely kept the proceedings upon which all the evidence was presented a secret, but the realization of what happened made him suspicious and cautious. The only woman he could trust it seemed was Francois. Exactly how much Francois was enamored with the King is unknown to be truthful. As any woman would be attracted by the power of the crown, Francois was especially mindful of the duty she had to save his soul from eternal hellfire. She saw herself as a saviour of the King, and for that reason alone, she was able to justify her friendship and love for him. Athenais continued to live in the chateau but she had been demoted and sent to live in another apartment while Francois was promoted and moved to an apartment nearer to the Kings. The children of Athenais were more solidly bonded to Francois than to their natural mother, especially the first child who had suffered a lame leg. Louis's interest in Francois had been due to her unusual care for this young boy. Soon after the King's death, Francois insisted upon a marriage to the king in secret and it is likely that she may have hoped to be acknowledged someday as the Queen. But she was hated and reviled by members of the court, so that none would accept her. ( A bit like Roxanne when Alexander married her.) Louis kept her a secret but it was the secret that everyone knew. They were in actuality husband and wife. (France today has acknowledged and accepted her.) Francois went on to create a girls school for the children of nobility. She spent the remainder of her life as the King's secret wife, and as headmistress of the School of St. Cyr. She survived the King, and went to live at the boarding school, not knowing if she would be treated well by the successors to the King or not. It was there at the school that Peter the Great traveled from Russia to see her. She was believed to be the woman behind the throne!

Part 3 Francois d'Aubigne

Francois d'Aubigne is her birth name, which changes to Madame de Scarron when she marries Paul but after she meets with the King, he awards her for her long term spent as caretaker to his children with the property of Maintenon so that he changes her name to Madame de Maintenon. Thereafter, she is known as Madame de Maintenon. Because I am of the belief that reinarcarnation does exist, I am convinced that Madame had known the King in a previous life. I have discussed this earlier on this blogspot with all my memories of going back in time to the past to discover all these personalities. This is very interesting to me since I perceive Madame de Maintenon as a person long familiar with the King in a previous incarnation. For the time being, I won't refer to any of those but it becomes pretty obvious that nearly all of these women in the King's life had been a part of a lifetime previous. It is fascinating to me to try to put them in the right persons. *****As the relationship between the King and Athenais was screeching to a halt, since she was becoming pregnant each and every year of their relationship, gaining weight, packing on the pounds, becoming bitchy and hysterical, always fearful that she was losing the Queen, she began to lose her allure, attraction, and looks. The King was distracted, looking elsewhere for love and companionship but growing tired and annoyed with the glamorous and beautiful Athenais. The woman had been a true beauty who knew how to create desire in him. Her last child however more or less drove him away from her right into the warmth of the caretaker, Francois. He could not help but compare the two women who were close friends of a kind despite all the bitter fights that they had had with one another. Francois would openly tell Athenais that she was a poor mother, that she should not be stealing the Queen's spouse away from her. In fact, Francois went so far as to make the King treat his wife more dutifully and kindly than he had ever done before. The irony of course is that all this time Athenais was still the queen's lady in waiting. the Queen never suspected Athenais at all until much too late to realize what had been happening to her. The Queen did forgive Louise after she learned that Louise had not been the "tramp" that she had thought her to be. The King was forgiven because they all understood that he was like any man with women, weak and easily seduced. *****However, as Louis came to visit with Francois, she soon admitted to herself that she had loved him all along as well, and was flattered by his attentions and interest in her so she had no choice but to accept the property that he gave her, and thus, she became his next mistress. He does return to the Queen as Francois suggests he do, but he has his cake and eats it too for then he has satisfied both women totally! Louis is suddenly able to free himself from Athenais. ****

Francois d'Aubigne aka Madame de Maintenon Part 2

I am writing these brief characterizations in different ways...mostly to get started. On this blog form I notice that we can edit or delete at any time. I have a tendency to do with posts what I do with days, let them pass and forget about them. However, learning that I can find past posts now easily on this blogger system I decided to try simply writing the characters here so that they are caught somewhere. I am doing all this from memory more than research. So I may make mistakes. I am trying to condense as much as is possible without losing the essence of each. Francois has quite a long time spent and so she requires a second page to this bio sketch. ****stars are my paragraph indentations...this program is screwing me up ****So during the long time that the King and Athenais are romancing one another, which is a long time since she delivered seven children in the course of their relationship, while Louise had delivered only four children. Louis XIV is a man with a strong sexual need, so he sired many children from his wife and mistresses including a few side affairs. Francois remains chaste and pure it appears since she does avoid any suggestions of mating. She was highly desirable, had met many men as the wife of Paul Scarron, but she avoided romantic relationships. But she was warm and friendly, saucy and pertinent with the King whenever he stopped to visit and play with his children. It is doubtful that he simply was interested in his sons as much as he may have been with Francois, and it is probable that she considered this as well. But friend she was to Athenais, so that she did not attempt to seduce or attract the King to her bed. However, because the insecure Athenais was using potions, witchcraft, spells, and enchantment to woo and keep her young prince addicted to her passions, ambitions, and desires, she gradually came under the spell of the intoxicants herself so that she became irritable, frightened and fearful that she might lose the King. She turned into a bitch! She screamed, she fought, she struggled, and Francois stood by, calmly, gently, softly, cheering the small children, nurturing and protecting them from their tyranical indifferent natural mother. The King noticed. He was also soothed by her gentle kindness, her soft hand on his arm, her tenderness. Gradually, he turned away from the bitchy Athenais, began to visit more frequently the lovely Francois, and soon found himself falling in love with her.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Francois d'Aubigne aka Madame de Maintenon

Francois is one of the more controversial women in the life of Louis XIV. She is the last of his mistresses but she has spent more time with the King than either his Queen or his other mistresses. She seems like a true Cinderella story in many ways although that title was actually conferred upon Louise de la Valliere when Louis presented her with a bracelet at a party when favors were won as prizes. Francois had a troubled chldhood. She was born in a prison. When her father was released from prison, he took his family, wife and children, to Martinique, an island in the Atlantic far away from Fance to live. In Martinique, the young Francois suffered at the hands of her mother cruelly, was physically and emotionally mistreated, but survived long enough to return to France. When her father died, her mother was forced to take her children to France to live with relatives. In France, she suffers dreadfully at the hands of her relatives, and finally at age 16, is forced to marry a dysfunctional, malformed poet, Paul Scarron. She preferred to live as the wife of Paul than to enter the cruel world of the dreadful convents. At last she is free to meet with the many artists of the day who loved to visit with Paul at his home where he entertained them with his stories and poetry. She learned to banter freely with the elite of Paris, possessing a quick wit and sharpness of tongue that amused and delighted the patrons of Paul's community. She was a very beautiful young woman who Paul loved and protected but due to his own deformity could not fulfill his husbandly role. He was bent over in the form of the letter Z so that Francois was more nursemaid than actual wife. ***During the time that she lives with Paul she meets the most famous woman of the times, Ninon l'Enclos. Ninon is famous as a kind of Madame who had many lovers, but has remained single, avoiding marriage. She has her own home in which she entertains, and is rumored to have brought Francois to her home to meet with gentleman there. Ninon is probably one of the most fascinating single women of the time, second only to the first cousin of Louis XIV, La Grande Mademoiselle! ****So young that she is, Francois is becoming quite sophisticated and worldly known only to the Parisians as Mrs. Paul Scarron. When Paul dies, she is left bereft on her own, and has only the stipend of the Queen Mother to support her. But fortune being that it is, she has been known to have kept her mouth zipped despite her great conversational abilities, and for that reason, has come to the attention of our dear Athenais, Madame de Montespan. Athenais is in need, for while she has snared the young king away from his former mistress, she has made the worst possible error in her relationship with the king and has gotten pregnant. She needs someone to help her take care of her child, to care for it, and to be trustworthy and secretive. She needs Francois. So no sooner has Francois gotten her freedom due to the death of Paul but suddenly she is thrust into the world of the court due to Madame de Montespan, our dear Athenais. Athenais seeks her help and her secrecy for it must never be learned that she is pregnant with child, and Francois has little choice but to help her. Francois had managed with the Queen Mother's stipend to find herself a small home where she had sought privacy, but with the assignment from Athenais, she would no longer be free to do all that she had wanted.****Francois mothers the bastard children of the King and his mistress with a love and devotion that is truly admirable and tender. She is the true mother to the children in the sense of loving and protecting, but Athenais is the actual natural birth mother who neglects them totally and wantonly, interested only in her stature as the first mistress in the court. During this time, the women do become friends, but they are so close that they argue, fight, and bicker as if they were blood relatives. Soon the King comes to visit his children, watches and observes the loving and tender ways of the kindly caretaker, and while he does not like her immediately, he feels drawn to her. During the entire time of the long relationship between the King and Athenais, Francois is always in the background noting everything that is going on between the King and his beautiful mistress, caring for his children as though they were her own. She refused to take up with men who were interested in her as she had had enough of marriage since her long term relationship with Paul. She did not want to remarry for any reason. Marriage was the symbol of total unhappiness to this fragile minded woman who really had a backbone so strong and powerful that sustained her during all her misery.

Anonymous the movie

I had forgotten this movie had been released some time ago but when Leslie mentioned it on facebook I decided that I should try to see it. I had not always liked the premise of the film since it maligns the Queen in ways that are truly ugly if you think about it long enough despite the fact that in the script the authors try to compare it to a Greek tragedy. Vanessa Redgrave portrays the aging queen admirably well in this tormented director's version of the Virgin Queen, but the young Elizabeth is not quite so believable when portrayed by Joely Richardson. No portraits of the Virgin Queen ever portray her as beautiful, warm, and expansive in the way that the few glimpses of her youth are seen in this dramatization. The movie is really not about the Queen so much as about the truth of young Will Shakespeare who is a caricature of some Saturday Night Live comedian, take your pick as they all look alike too. Anyone who has ever written a paper for a friend can sympathize a bit with Edward DeVere, who is an accomplished poet and author by nature, and who must find a foil to act as the cover for his own authorship of beautiful poetry and dramas. He tried to protect himself by offering the position and honor to Ben Johnson, a noted playwright with scruples enough to say no to the offer which he cannot refuse, but because of a lengthy conversation with friend actor Will Shakespeare, he soon finds that he does not have to bear that burden after all. Will gladly and willingly jumps in to take credit for all plays that have so far been deemed written by that elusive soul called anonymous. Will is quite capable of pulling off this charade and even manages to learn the identity of the true author to extort more money from him, and together, Edward DeVere and Will form the seedy partnership of author and cover. In this pitiful movie, Will cannot even pen the letters I and E when Johnson tries to expose him. But worse than not being able to claim his own poetry and drama, poor Edward is soon discovered to his chagrin to be the bastard son of the Queen Elizabeth I and worse than that, has even fathered a child with her. (This is fiction, and Hollywood, in which anything goes). Poor Edward, what a fop! Fool that he is, he is a compulsive playwright, is forced into a marriage to a woman for political reasons, in which he ultimately learns that part of those reasons are to place him in line for the crown, so that his own son could and would succeed him. But in Merry Old England where fantasy is only a shadow of reality, DeVere is only capable of finally learning the identity of his own son, rescuing him from death, and finally leaving all his works to Ben Johnson to protect and produce for him. What a movie! What a story line! It reflects Hollywood more than anything else...as it confesses probably more inside secrets about producers, directors, actresses, and actors than can be dreamt under the sun. Oh, the line how can one love the moon after one has known the sun is really so funny that you almost wonder why anyone would say it in a film...the visual effects are quite good, the bear baiting is as cruel as Henry VIII himself, so what can one expect of the English who are after all bred to endure this kind of scandal except that nobody should believe any of this concocted tale. Elizabeth I was homely enough, plainly ugly enough, that it is quite perfectly reasonable to imagine that she had few suitors who would want to bed her. Turning her into a beauty is more farfetched than believing that she is as wanton and wild as this film would have you believe. I like the old gal! I like it that she held her head high, with sunken deepset eyes, crooked nose, and a sure sign of how like Anne Boleyn she could be. She is her father's daughter though, willing and able to kill not only her first cousin but also her ill begotten fictionalized son. Surely, had she had all those children, she would have found a way to legitimize them to inherit the crown. Quit dreaming! you who want to believe in DeVere....after all, his lot is never to have fame for his works...Again, those of us who have also likewise helped a friend out once or twice know the feeling well...We always know who the true author really is!

Creating characters

Writing novels is a lonely lifestyle to be honest. One never can be sure how many readers will actually enjoy the topic, the plot, the characterization, etc. We find authors we like for individual reasons of our own. Author's tone creeps into any work no matter how carefully the author may work the story. I just began writing a series of characterizations about the Sun King's family, friends, and members of the court to release all that has been dwelling within me since learning of this ruler of the past. I found him quite by accident. Having to accompany my mother to the library during her aged years, I passed time walking through the shelves of the library investigating books. For some reason, some internal feeling from the solar plexus region kept me going back to the same shelf. I had no knowledge whatsoever of French kings, knowing only a minor bit about Louis XVI who had been decapitated by the ruthless French Revolutionaries. So I finally succumbed to the solar plexus's draw, making me realize that my Aunt Doris had been right all along about the spiritualists who dwell within one's self. Some spiritual entity was making me take an interest in the life of Louis XIV. I finally pulled a book off the shelf and began to read it. It was Nancy Mitford's book about the famous Sun King, chock full of illustrations. Louis XIV is a most fascinating man when one finally takes the time to learn of him, and take the time I did. I decided one day after watching a story on a French television show to use my hypnotic tapes that I had purchased twenty years earlier to see if I could learn anything. I literally knew nothing but a little bit that I had found in Mitford's book so that when I heard a phrase, and experienced the unusual berating given to me I learned that I had been in the person of the Sun King himself. I had asked to learn of myself. That set me on a quest to learn more about him, and I spent many hours discovering details that I did not know even existed anywhere, but fortunately, I had help so that books eventually came my way to learn about practices that were done in the Ancien Regime to understand why it is that I had undergone that particular experience. The morning levee being one of those known only to the SunKing himself in the way that I experienced it. I had never been to France, had not known anything about the Chateau de Versailles to be honest, and never had cared about castles in Europe at all. So why was this happening within me? I searched everything that I could find on the internet to learn all that I could about the King. I was truly taken in and overwhelmed by the grandeur of the times, the beauty, the splendor of the court, the feelings and mind of the young Louis as well as later the aged Louis in signing the revocation of the edict of Nantes even, and finally even his last days when he wore the famous diamond covered coat. I milked this time period for all it was worth, and fell in love with the King as he has appeared so interesting and fascinating to me. I came to see and learn of many of the members of his family and his court...there are a few that I have not had the joy of seeing but for the most part, most of his court has come into my visions enough times for me to understand his feelings about them. So I just decided to try writing a few pieces about him. I had earlier been writing about Alexander the Great's youth and wrote a full novel in first draft form trying to frame my thoughts and ideas on how I want that to develop. It will be altered and changed a lot from the first and second narratives as I was trying to combine actual history with imagination and some gleanings I have had of him as the experience with Louis which was done through a spiritual guide from within also led me to the knowledge of Alexander the Great. I see now more clearly than when I first uncovered each one. More later...will publish this now and share with those who care.

Louise de la Valliere (first draft) just toying

Louise de la Valliere was selected to be an attendant to Henrietta, the King's sister in law. Because Louis and his brother Philippe were both competing with one another unconsciously, Louis took an interest in the illuminating Princess Henrietta who lit up the court with her personality. His brother paid her little attention at all, but because she was legitimately his property he did resent his older brother's attentions to the neglected woman who used Louis to spite his brother. She was known to her brother James of England as Mignette, his little flower. She had grown up in the court of France since her mother and family had been exiled to France. The friendship between Henrietta and the young King appeared to be bordering on romantic so that a young lame girl was brought in to be the foil for the young Princess. Louise de la Valliere was of a noble family but she was unschooled and untrained in the ways of the court. She was extremely flattered when the King seemed to notice her, and had little choice but to accept the position of lady in waiting to Henrietta. She was to be used as a diversion, so that the Queen Mother would perhaps think that Louis was actually interested in the young Louise instead of Henrietta. Incredibly, Louis XIV and Henrietta hoped that this ploy would fool the court. However, Louis XIV began to notice that Louise was a very lovely girl, an innocent in the world of sophisticated, practiced deceitful court players. She truly appeared to like him for himself, not for his crown or his throne. Her unspoiled innocence appealed to him as he realized that he could not chance ruining his life with a romance with his brother's wife. Despite his liking for Henrietta, he had not truly wanted a romantic interlude with her. Both were using one another to annoy his brother whose behaviour annoyed everyone in the court. Louise was absolutely enchanted with the handsome young prince who bright dark eyes seemed to penetrate into her own soul. He was the essence of beauty in a man she thought to herself. She found herself drawn to him as she watched him dance with Henrietta. She was falling in love with him. He danced with such precision, such magnificence. He is truly like a god on the earth she thought when he performed as Apollo. She found herself dreaming of him, wanting him to notice her, but afraid of what would happen if he did. She loved the sparkling Henrietta who brought gaiety and excitement to the court. Henrietta was the star of the Palais Royale. She made everyone happy just to watch her greet the members of the court. She seemed to rule instead of the petite tiny Queen from Spain who sat back quietly, and simply drank in the music, the sounds, and the glitter of the romantic evenings. She and the King together appeared magical, gleaming in the darkness as two lovers. But Louise knew that the King would not or could not love his brother's wife. Louise was not like Henrietta or the Queen so she could not imagine that the King would ever notice her at all. Her quiet composure did not go unnoticed. She had a luminous quality of her own, natural blonde hair, ivory skin, pale lips, a high forehead, and a posture born of horseback riding that gave her an air of majesty all her own. She always sat erect and straight, shoulders back so that her posture alone gave her a sense of regality. She was a natural beauty, and seemed totally unaware of it. The King studied her. He found her quiet beauty nonthreatening. The women of the court often overdressed, exceeded common sense in their need to attract, so that they wore too much makeup, used an excess of jewelry, or dressed in gowns of greatly exaggerated styles. Louise by contrast was simply dressed in a gown of quiet quality, unembellished, and unadorned by jewelry or ornamentation. She seemed uncommon through her lack of guile and intrigue. Louis was fascinated by her. She excited him for her total simplicity. Everyone at court wanted something. Louise did not appear to want anything at all, even him. He knew that everyone wanted him for something one way or the other. So why was this girl so different? She challenged his own senses. He had to learn who she is. He soon learned that she was in love with him as everyone else at court was in love with him. He was their singular figure in the world. He was the ruler, the leader, the man who would be their cause for life. He was placed on earth by Heaven to rule this court of France, and everyone around him realized it. He could literally do anything that he wanted to do. All of France would make him do it if he could not do it on his own. He was the servant of France as well as its ruler. He alone knew that he must make his mark. Women were only a preoccupation designed to satisfy his needs, to comfort him, to support him. His mother had raised him so that he respected women for their importance in the life of the court. He knew well that the woman was essential to his wellbeing and success as a young Prince. He could have any woman he desired, and at this moment, it was Louise de la Valliere who fascinated him. She was unlike all the others. She was a unique child, sweet and trusting. She would ask him for nothing but he would give her everything. He didn't think about Marie Therese at all. She was simply the Queen, his cousin, his dutiful companion, and all that was between them was tradition kept and rule of the court honored. Emotionally, he did not realize that his wandering eye cut her deeply and hurt her terribly. He simply did not think about her at all. She was like a child, and she had her own apartments, her own attendants, and her life with him was as controlled and ruled and regulated as anything else in the etiquette of the court. But Louise had won his attention and perhaps his heart.

Madame de Montespan with the Queen

Madame de Montespan smoothed down the front of the Queen's gown. With a smile, she said,"You look lovely, my Queen. This gown suits you perfectly. It gives you an air of sophistication." The Queen stared dimly into Athenais's eyes, replying," Oh, do you really think so? Don't you think it a bit too exaggerated for me?" She pulled at the waist, running her fingers down the ruffles that melted together in the silken fabric. "Oh, No, you look astounding. Everyone will remark on the beauty of the gown, how it enhances your hair! Athenais replied loudly. To herself, she thought I would not want to wear it either, but then I am not the Queen. But forcefully she asserted to the Queen, "It is lovely for you. You wear it so well. It makes you look so stylish." The Queen was a small, petite woman who seemed to appear dwarfed in any gown that was brought to her to wear. Her hair was fashioned in the old style Spanish stiff tight curl look that gave her a childish appearance. She was actually a very pretty woman who looked like her father,Philip, the King of Spain, but she was stunted in her personality and character through the long years spent in the harsh, rigid court climate of Spain. The loose, easy nature of the French court was most unsettling to her. She did not really feel comfortable with many of her ladies who were not from her home country of Spain. All threatened and befuddled her, but Athenais, the wife of a strange man, was a great comfort to her. She had been intensely jealous of the King's love for one of Henrietta's ladies in waiting. Henrietta was her sister in law by marriage, the sister of the exiled king of England, and wife of Monsieur, brother to the King of France, Louis XIV. Louise de la Valliere had become the lady in waiting to Henrietta due to the King's obvious interest and friendship with Henrietta. The King had unwittingly fallen in love with the shy young lame girl who appeared to be so quiet, morose, and sullen most of the time that she chanced to see her. She hated her for her hold on the King who she wanted to love only herself. She relied upon Athenais to help her to control her emotions, her passionate need to have the king's attention focused on her instead of his mistress. She pursed her lips and said more to herself than anyone," I must not let everyone know that Louise bothers me so much. I must behave outwardly as though I don't notice what is happening." She had cried herself to sleep the night before, bitterly unhappy because the King had given Louise recognition as his royal consort. His mother had warned him sternly about his romantic episodes, and in his mother,she trusted but Maria Therese of Spain hurt badly that the King did not love her as deeply as she loved him. She could not understand what it was that she had done to make him choose another to parade in front of the court. She sulked and cried to herself, but she found no comfort in anyone to help her in her time of emotional depression. Athenais seemed to pay no attention, but was often so rude and unkind to Louise that it cheered the petite Queen. For that reason alone she looked to Athenais as an ally in her attempt to keep the King to herself.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Madame de Montespan

Madame de Montespan was born of a very old and respected family in France. She and her sisters were very proud of their heritage. If anything, Athenais was too proud. She honestly believed herself to be more important in birthright than the King. I should imagine that the King enjoyed punishing her for her extreme vanity in that respect. Louis XIV became ensnared by the Queen's lady in waiting since she had set her cap for him when she watched his affair with Louise de la Valliere melt away through no fault of either the King or Louise, but due simply to too many children spirited away and cared for by friends of the king so that Louise began to feel guilt and long suffering for her acts of sin. Through a kind of osmosis which the King could sense from his young mistress, his attention soon strayed to the eager Athenais who had unbeknownst to him cast her spells and enchantments on him. He soon found himself in her arms and enjoying her ardent lovemaking, causing him to forget not only his wife,the Queen, but the lovely, sincere but guilty Louise. Athenais was all too bold and aggressive when he had first met her, but he soon succumbed to her flirtatious and daring invitations sent through her eyes, her touching his skin ever so slightly, and bending low so that he could see her bosom burst through her gown. He drew her close to him, whispered in her ear to meet him in a secret chamber that evening. She bowed gracefully, fully, backed away from him slowly, then turned to prepare herself for the evening to be spent with her lover, the handsome young king of France. She smiled to herself inwardly, thinking I owe much to my friend, the lady of the evening, Madame Voisine. I shall reward her well. The King smiled to himself, thinking only of the chance to hold Athenais tightly, to watch her undress slowly before him, to remove her jewelry with care, to run his fingers through her long, silky hair, to kiss her soft tender lips, to swoon with inner delight when she would return those long, deep kisses. He could not wait to see her. He was in love again.Love, that wonderful deep mystical intoxicating force that made him feel as though he were free, alive, and vibrant. He wanted to dance from the ceilings from the power of that love that drove him to forsake not only his wife but his innocent seeming young mistress. He would live forever with a love that could give him such hope, such energy, such abandon. Athenais was sheer magic.

Karleen Koen and Nurturing Creativity

Karleen Koen is an established authoress of tales of historical fiction, one of which is on one of my favorite subjects, Louis XIV. Before Versailles is the title of the book. She also has a blog which I follow through email. Tonight she is discussing a speech she will be giving on nurturing creativity. It made me think of Shanley, a female who taught through Cal State LA a creative writing class in the suburbs of LA. Several faculty members and I were taking this class together at the time...she suggested that we place our germ of an idea in an egg, and place it in a spot located in the room to rest and incubate, and to come back to gather it up when it hatched. Funny thing about profs...we never forget the peculiar ones like she had been. She gave everyone an A simply for trying and submitting anything, good, bad, or indifferent. It ran contrary to most of our ideas of fairness but what the heck, one of my fellow faculty members actually submitted one of his student's works to see what she would do. She also gave us an experiment in which we were told to visualize a mirror, and then try to get through the mirror. That was our assignment...we had to tell what was on the other side of the mirror. In fact, it always works as to what most people see on the other side of the mirror. I won't give it away yet...but try it...what do you find on the other side of the mirror...see yourself go through it...tell us what you find...nearly all people come up with the same imagery...So what does Shanley have to do with Kathleen Koen? She made me remember her that quickly, and I am always impressed with ways to encourage imagination and creativity.

Fruit, fruit, and nothing but fruit

I pigged out on fruit last night when shopping at Basha's. I had a great desire for fresh fruit, so ended up with a bag of bananas, a bag of grapefruit, a bag of grapes, and a huge cantaloupe which I will finish in a few minutes. I now have fresh grapefruit juice in the morning, or if it is really sweet enough, I may eat it whole. Donuts were on sale as Friday's is their buy one dozen get half a dozen free day, so those boxes were marked down to half savings I would imagine at $3.50 I have 14 donuts left for the next week. Ouch! I may share some of them if I can. This is also the last week that Voltaire's will be serving dinner at night, but I am not in a position to take advantage of the chance to go. I would love it but will probably decide against it. Shame on me, because I have wanted to go for so long...just a bit over my head right now.

Past lives discussion continued

While it is interesting to contemplate that one may have lived in the past and may live in the future again, it is also best to undertand the element of time and space when embarking upon the effort to prove it one way or the other. First of all, it is an accepted belief in many parts of the world where it is so strong that it affects the lives of children as parents try to study their words and actions to know if in fact they can prove that the child is a reincarnated being. The Dalai Lama is a case in point, and his own particular life is quite interesting to consider if you understand all that was done to prove that he is the real Dalai Lama, as apparently China is making some dire interference plans for his next incarnation. For the rest of us who are not quite so exalted in our state of spiritual development, at least so far as we know, it often looks like an ego trip rather than a spiritual growth pattern. Very few can understand the exalted shall be humbled concept or the humbled shall be exalted, until we truly learn the meaning of exalted and humble. What the heck? In this world today, most of those who climb to the top of the ladder are not consider exalted but probably crooked and self centered in their desire to make themselves high and mighty. But birthrights such as kings and queens which is now nearly history and archaic has meant that persons were born into families who had stations of power. The humble were the poor and beggarly. True humility is the recognition that one is loved by a power greater than all so that one is like a grain of sand along with all the rest who are so loved by this great power. I say that because I have experienced it and know it to be such that despite the fact of who I am I know that I am loved by that perfect love which loves equally great or small, good or bad. Man cannot conceive it, but that is the truth...Man is imperfect in such degrees as to be unimaginable when compared to that Perfect state of Love which is True Heaven, True God. God is. That is really enough. But the journey of souls seems to be such that earth is a home for the soul to spend in flesh for some time. I am wondering now why we attribute all learning to brain matter when clearly the brain's activity is not the source of information about time's past. There appears to be some other instrument within the human body that enables a person such as myself to have learned of the souls of the past that I have encountered. God's will be done!

Past Lives discussion continued

I met Wynn Free some time ago, and thanks to his coming to Scottsdale, I attended a workshop. I continue to receive his message a day thoughts at yahoo, but I have not corresponded with him for some time. However, due to a mutual friend who decided to share some information on facebook, I decided to visit his profile page and learned an important lesson there from a woman who had given him some advice. I learned how to adjust our settings at facebook. I will admit that one setting did not work for me today as I saw another bit about games come through my news feed. I had taken that off the person who usually sends this out but it did not work since I received one from her today. I do not play the games at facebook. I do not have time to waste on game playing as I use a broadband which allows me only so much time. However, I am now checking all my friends settings, and changing some that facebook arbitrarily made on their own to the way I want them. I used one as a way to see if it is taking effect or not but I also notified that person about it.

Continuation of Past Lives discussion

One of the reasons I am sharing this on blogspot is that I am aware that many people study and discuss the concept of reincarnation so much and that is the way that I managed to find this information myself, due to others such as Jess Stearn and Taylor Caldwell who wrote of their experiences. I have studied the Edgar Cayce writings, his readings, and statements, some of which I found quite intriguing and interesting, wondering at this famous seer who would spend so much time in a trance state to dispense medical advice as well as spiritual statements to his faithful secretary. I am aware of David Wilcox who claims to be the reincarnation of Edgar Cayce, as Wynn Free, a kindly man, has written a book about his belief that David Wilcox is the reincarnation of Edgar Cayce. His case alone shows how resistant it is to others who want to believe that Cayce is not yet reincarnated, but Wynn Free is convinced that David Wilcox is the real reincarnation of Edgar Cayce. I am partially convinced but not fully convinced, but then I have yet to read Wynn's book on the topic. However, some events happen to me that create belief in me about it. I tend to rely upon information from spiritual sources more than information from others. If it costs me too much money, I can't purchase it. For my way of thinking, all spiritual fruits should be freely given and freely received. In that respect, I am willing to give David Wilcox a listen.

Discussing past lives

I have not attempted to use my hypnotic tapes for some time despite the fact that I can use them to put myself to sleep and probably should begin to do that again as I have been having so much difficulty getting to sleep at nights. I do not know why but I can't get to sleep until early morning which means that I then sleep late in the morning...happened today again. But I was thinking about my excursions into the past, trying to understand what part of ourselves it is that can recall events from yesterday, if that is the way it happens. Or if by chance, it is because one asks that one can see the past that one somehow or other accesses spiritual records in which one then enters into the soul vestige of that person that one does enter. I say that because I know in many cases it is appears as though the outline and soul of that being is there waiting for me to enter it to activate it and thus learn what it is that I was to learn about that entity. That is how it happened for me to learn of these variety of souls in whose spirit I have entered and relieved their lives. I am slow to say that that soul vision is anything more than it is but once I have entered it, it takes on a living presence of a kind. As I am quite serious about all of this, I want it to be clear on what it is that I have experienced. I am far too serious minded a natural born psychologist as told to me in my youth for this kind of experience to be dismissed as offhand nonsense. I had a most recent event happen spontaneously that made me wonder. I was writing about Philip and Alexander, actually about the burning of the temple of Artemis when Alexander was born when a vision of Philip flew into my vision and I could see him as he had looked when he was the father of a newborn. I am wondering why and how that could happen as I have no collective memory of him in this lifetime...but a few minutes later, something happened for me to remember a recent neighbor as clearly as a bell, so that I thought well, the two visions are similar in that they do reproduce in full detail the person so that I know immediately who it is. I have no ready answers to these events. I can understand one and I accept them both. Problem is in communicating this to others so that they can understand the human psyche enough to realize why it is that a time past which spans so many years is ever prevalent today. Did I attract that vision to me? Did just thinking about it cause me to bring a memory back to me? I am pondering all this...and doing it in writing.

Blog posts into Book

I read a really good bit of advice today about turning a blog into a book. Ever since I began writing this blog, I have been thinking of setting up another with that purpose in mind. Often, ads come on asking if you want to turn your blog into a book. This particular blog could never do that, but understanding how a blog of short stories could be eventually made into a book is something that I am considering. The simple truth is that people love to read, but most read for escape, and a rare few read for information about subjects in which they are interested. It is difficult to get someone's attention though in this mass of blogs that are not saturating the internet. I have noticed that most historical blogs are simply rephrasing some historical data, but adding a lot of interesting photos to enhance the story. I frankly do not read very many historical blogs but I follow a rare few. However, I see and like the prospect of writing a short story then eventually the novel that follows or simply a collection of short stories about that topic...am considering that.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Nik Wallenda walks highwire over Niagra Falls

This highly hyped story about another of the Wallenda family caught my interest since I have also followed the family since the collapse of the pyramid years ago in Detroit, I believe it was. Karl Wallenda apparently wanted to tempt fate in Puerto Rico solo style by walking the wire when he fell to his death. So tonight, on ABC t.v., his grandson Nik Wallenda tempted fate again with enough preparation and sensibility to walk a 25 minute suspense filled tiresome walk from the USA to Canada where he was met by security who demanded his passport. He had carried it with him. It was a brave, courageous stunt which did not fail to excite. The falls were simply astounding to see, the mist, and the rain that poured onto the wire was obvious to everyone, and the sight of him crossing alone on that bar high in the air just was simply awesome beyond belief. He talked to his father who encouraged him and stayed with him the entire time. It was a bit nervewracking but he had a cable tether that followed behind him so that if he did chance to fall he would not fall into the rapids that rushed beneath him. I was spellbound and deeply touched. I even teared up at his success. He said some things that really struck a chord in me, but his prayers to Jesus, to the Lord, were so beautiful I admired him for his faith and his need to express his love to God. It was a beautiful experience. Thank Heaven he is a great one!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Novelists and Authoring Part 5

So today Scott Oden provided a post about authorpreneurship which discusses the positive points of selfpublishing. Jody Hedlund writes whether an author can survive writing only one book a year. Fortunately, she advises previewing a novel with several short stories to attract readers. Luckily, there are many writers who are dispensing advice on problems to avoid as an author, choices to make upon self publishing or finding an agent, editor, and publishing house. It is only thanks to NaNoWriMo that I re-entered this exciting world of publishing to learn that my favorite book stores are going under, Border's having closed its doors not long ago, and half price book store unable to pay for old used books since it is over loaded with books. Seeing all the books that are publisher's excesses pile up at half price book store has truly bothered me. Knowing that ebooks can be bought at only 99 cents for a quick read troubles me. The real main reason for most authors who write is to have their own book read and admired, liked enough to become a classic favorite. We all have found books that we love, authors that we love, or hate, and it all depends upon our own personal reaction if they are historical figures. In today's world, everything is fad for vampires and zombies are the craze of the moment. Pandering has always been the way that artists survive. Give the audience what it wants is the only way that one can succeed but one should know how to make that audience like what you are serving. Not everyone loves pizza, cinnamon rolls, or gyros, but enough do to make it the source of your income if you like it too. That is the way with writing...not everyone loves ancient history but enough do to make it worth at least one book per historical figure...a few short stories might be the appetizers to whet the appetite for a full meal of a great novel.

Novelists and Authoring Part 4

As an avid reader, I know that readers get hooked on the subject matter that each one of us enjoys. I grew up loving mysteries. I continue to like mysteries, having gone from Nancy Drew to Agatha Christie to Sue Grafton. I even like Lillian Jackson Browne's cat series books. I loved to read, to be led on a merry chase, love to try to outwit the author by figuring the mystery out...my one criticism of Nancy Bilyeau's mystery is that I knew from the first who both victim and killer were as it was too obvious to me...I like being held in suspense which is something that the young Sue Grafton could do so well...she changed as she aged also, as do all writers...and their stories reflect their own aging process. Especially the cat series where in the first books I could tell how much the author loved her cats. The point is that I, as an author, have to consider that if I really want to make money at this that I must think in terms of series. I realize that readers do become addicted to characters, plots, and fantasies. That is the only way that authorship can truly pay. Actually, I had always hope for the Margaret Mitchell Gone with the Wind one shot only but if one studies James Rollins, Steve Berry, and Clive Cussler, and other successful novelists, one learns that multiple books are the true success story of any author.

Novelists and Authoring Part 3

I promise never to buy this kind of computer ever again! Worst programming ever! But on with my story about authors and novelists, two of whom I had not mentioned are Nancy Bilyeau and Ruth Kozak. Nancy has just had her first novel published, and Ruth is working on her final editing effort before it is published. I learned much from Ruth Kozak and Scott Oden about technical aspects of writing that I had not known until they entered the picture. I did not realize how much it costs to have an editor carefully go through your novel before you submit it to publication. I learned query letter, and basic writing styles, as well as names of publishers through the correspondence school but that was about it. Through Ruth and Scott, I learned finally of the cost factor and the need for professional editors to help you fine tune your story. I have attended workshops where many things are discussed but never the actual publishing or business aspects of the work of authoring.

Novelists and Authoring part 2

So today I am reading posts from several of the authors who I follow and have as friends on facebook where we all can read each other's self promotion styles. As of yet,my book is at the one month conceived stage when compared to childbirth...it is conceived and in development, but no where close to delivery date. Paragraph here ordinarily would happen. One young woman who is quite fascinating to read due to her unique style and choice of subjects is Madame Guillotine. Today she has shared some insights into her new career as a writer, discussing a grammatical error that was mentioned. Madame Guillotine is one of the new ebook writers whose genre is English history/World history with emphasis upon historical kings and queens. She is also quite involved in the tales of Jack the Ripper. Another is Kathleen Koen, a professor of writing at a Texas University who has several published books that are also historical fiction. Sandra Gulland has written novels on Josephine, Louise de la Valliere, and is now researching and completing a novel on one of the members in the court of the famous Sun King, Louis XIV. Scott Oden chooses to write historical novels also but goes further back in time to the days of the ancient Greeks and Egyptians. Scott had an interesting post today about authorpreneurship for selfpublishing. It appears that the publishing companies are falling upon hard times and are frankly going bellyup! Authors are suffering as a result. End of Part 2.

Novelists and Authoring

I have been following a lot of authors in recent years. Years ago, when traveling through Washington, D.C., I chanced upon a pamphlet advertising for authors. Thus, I eventually entered a correspondence course in writing through the Children's Institute for Literature. I was amazed during the effort made to have a critic author who was supposed to help me with my writing. I had been an English teacher who had taught creative writing and other forms of writing to high school students. I had always been told that I was dedicated but I did not learn what dedicated had meant until I took this correspondence course with which my work was to be rewarded with personal attention by some already published author. Naturally, all these authors have pseudonyms and as with most fiction, probably their bios are just as fictionalized as their works. The amount of criticism I earned for my hard paid work was minimal and incomplete, sketchy at best, and taught me that the world of publishing is a lot of b.s. to put it bluntly. I did write a short story, purposefully selected the highest paid magazine, and wrote it based upon another already published but nonfictional version to teach children how to behave during a hotel fire. Much to my dismay it was returned, (and being a person who can receive vibrations even in the mail) with a rejection slip but with much love in it despite its saying no, I was disappointed and decided then and there not to bother any longer with attempting to sell my stories to that particular magazine firm. Sad to say, soon after that, a major hotel fire did occur in a major city (MGM in Las Vegas, NV) and I became wary even more of writing anything because I have an uncanny way of continuing to be prophetic in my writings. The fiction soon becomes reality as evidenced in several pieces, one a full fledged mystery novel, and most recently, some pieces written for my novel on Alexander the Great. End of Part I due to blogger style over which so far I have no control.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Follow up to Facing Death essay

The day after I wrote and discussed the problems in facing death I read the story of George Bush's interview with his daughter Jenna on the Today Show at NBC. I had no idea. But one thing that he said in his discussion with his granddaughter is that he had feared falling while standing on a rock fishing. The one thing that I have noticed most of all about growing older is the fear factor. Fear is the single most changed part of me now. I took many risks and few fears when I was young. I drove alone across this country several times, seldom if ever worried about anything at all, and nothing ever happened that would make me afraid. But now I am fearful of walking at night alone not because of anything but one thing...what if I fall, and I cannot get up...what if I do something really stupid and get myself into a situation where I cannot do something for myself. That truly worries me more than anything else so as a consequence I seldom go out alone after dark any more. This is a real problem for as one ages, one has a tendency to fall. If one is alone, and anything serious happened, one can do nothing so I think it is a sensible fear. My mother had always worried about me and I now understand why she had so many fears that way. I realize that in one way she is probably correct. I will have to buy one of those medical alert devices I believe to help out should I ever need to call for help.

storytime

I just read about a short story so I decided to try one. I probably won't let this stay on the board for very long...I might try writing haiku haboob poems too...anything just to get to the edit portion of this blog...I have a few things to delete. giant dust clouds roll forth , darkness descends over plains, town lost in haboob. try another one: giant dust clouds roll forth, winds scatter leaves through the air, darkness grips city

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Facing death

As each year passes, we all face the ultimate end of our life. I am becoming more and more aware of it each and every day. Because I am alone, I am much more conscious of the need to take care of myself, to have someone who will be able to take care of my needs, and to know that should something happen to me, that there is a person who will notify my next of kin. I do not anticipate dying any time soon but I am feeling as though it could happen and that I should do something about it now. A classmate of mine suffered a heart attack, and died this past week. I am at the age where it could happen to me, and I am not ready. I feel sad to say that my cats alone are reason for me to live each and every day. I am so attached to them that I do not wish to pass out of their lives yet either. But I feel aches and pains that I had never had before, I tire easily, and I sleep sporadically. Life is passing, and while I am not afraid of death at all, but hoping that it does not hold for me anything like my dreams at night, I am not really ready for it to come. I know that my dad is though, and I do totally understand why it is that he longs for it so much.I am hoping I can see him soon before he does go...hoping he hangs on til I get up to see him...