Yours Truly

Yours Truly
Janet Fauble at home

Monday, July 30, 2012

How to publish a book

I will have to write most of my work at livejournal or wordpress I am beginning to believe because I do not know whether it is the computer, the blogger, the word processor or what, but I hate it when my paragraphs get deleted without my consciously doing it.  I cannot figure what causes this here but I dislike it intently.

My paragraph that was suddenly deleted out of the blue is simple...it is difficult to be a successful writer/ author in this day and age. I just read an article from the guardian which warned about self publishing, that too much money is expended with little return.

My point is that one begins and finishes a novel for the primary purpose of finding readers who will finally read the novel that you worked out so carefully.  I have been mulling over the problem of what to do with my novel which has only just begun.  I want to finish it completely, have it written in an acceptable and publishable form so that the world can learn of my topic through my point of view, through my eyes.

I honestly believe that the advice given in the guardian article is fundamentally correct.  There are so many people in the world today who have a story to tell that how does one find the right author and story for your own particular reading interests. I know my own preferences. I don't read every book that is out. I am not interested in every historical figure, or every modern day fad.  In other words, the Harry Potter influence did not reach me.  I see that children love fantasy, and Harry Potter was a great serial fantasy, but I would not attempt to compete with that kind of fictional tale.

There is room for many novels in historical fiction. It is the one genre that I believe is the most interesting and fascinating when someone discovers and falls in love with some historical character.
I see that the Australian Museum is advertising the Alexander exhibition.  Believe it or not,  I am trying to find the way to travel to Australia to see this exhibit.  Maybe it will help me in my novel. 

Faith

I do believe that there is some force at work trying to wreck this computer.  I don't think it is the touch of a key at all but some internal infernal problem.

I read early this morning a blog by Scott Oden on his discussion of a personal faith.  He contributed some interesting links.

I won't attempt to explain his search for faith for the exercise in writing was his way of explaining to himself and others the task that he has taken upon himself.

I had mentioned in a comment that I am a spiritualist more than a congregationalist. I do not attend any church service in this community simply because I am not at one with many of the teachings that are presented. We may fundamentally agree that Jesus Christ is our saviour but I have had real experiences with the Holy Spirit, whether it is that materialized ectoplasm of my grandmother, my dog, or the light that appeared in my apartment several years ago. 

I believe that spiritual entities walk amongst us, often unseen and unrecognized, but some are able to visit, come and go, and we may be partially aware but never fully aware.

I have had in recent years many experiences that border the unknown for these things cannot be explained.  When objects appear out of nowhere, it seems that some hidden force is at work.  Good or ill, one can only judge by the end result of what happens.  Some strange things occurred in this apartment for which I have no explanation.

I don't know of a single church group that can deal with that.

This Lousy Computer

I really hate this computer. I hate it when I write three paragraphs to hit a key which suddenly erases everything that I have placed here. I do not know why that happens and have often suspected foul play from within the damnable system.  This does not put me in a good mood.

I am an English major with a sociology minor and education minor. I have taught in three different states and have credits and credentials in all three states.  MAC I call them, Michigan, Arizona, and California.

I began my student teaching in Bay City, Michigan. I believe that the t.v. show Room 222 used my teaching experience as a model upon which it based the silly program featured at Walt Whitman High School.  I have reasons to believe that, notably Karen Valentine for one.

Whether people know it or not, everyone who influences us in childhood and adulthood carries over into our daily life one way or the other. I found myself teaching exercises in my classroom that I had learned as a student myself when in high school. I became another little Clyde Coon or Martha Lown or Miss Armstrong myself many times in many ways.  That is part of life, taking in everything that is given to you and in turn, distributing it to others.  So we all do that one way or the other. Any person who touches us in turn gets passed onto others.

That includes pastors, priests, professors, teachers, counselors, and principals and superintendents...all contribute to our own individual growth and thus to others. It just simply cannot be helped.

Today I am recovering from many mishaps in my life.  Like a sponge, if one squeezes on me, that which will pour out of me is that which was put into me.  Whether one wants to compare it to a seed and plant growth, a sponge soaking up feelings, knowledge, water, no matter what, the end result is the same. We give back what we have taken in.

I did not get much sleep this morning at all. I am back into my habit of staying up all night and getting only a few hours of sleep so I am publishing this just for the fact of getting this much together about knowing where I am going with this drift.


Sunday, July 29, 2012

Public faces versus private faces

This will be brief. I just deleted a post that should have been written at Live Journal where it could have been private instead of public.

For the public, we often hide our private faces and our private lives.  That is one reason that people should never think that they know anyone anywhere well at all. Most people show the public one side of themselves while hiding the other sides to themselves somewhere at home.  A few people may come to know a person intimately but for the most part, few people ever allow people to know aspects of their lives that they want kept hidden and private.

The Catholic church has a neat way of training its parishioners to absolve themselves of their sins through the use of a confessional at which they may or may not unload all their little faults and grievances to a family priest.  I do not believe for one minute that merely saying a litany of guilts and so called sins is going to make the hurt or harm of them go away just because you happen to be silly enough to tell a priest that you suddenly backhanded your nearest partner when he said something wrong to you.

Yeah, like 3 hail mary's is going to absolve and be sorrow enough for that.  What a thing to teach people.

But unfortunately, that is one of the many lessons that the Church inflicts upon its unthinking and sheeplike churchgoer.  Honestly, I wonder at myself that I actually let myself become Catholic and do a few of these silly absurd things in the past.  It just shows how much we can be really a mystery to ourselves at time.  I cannot imagine allowing that kind of thinking influence and affect me as it did, so all I can say is Yikes!  What was I thinking?

Now, I do believe in the Christian faith in some of its tenets, but certainly not all of them.

I was always confused as to why so many variety of beliefs about one God.  Why are there arguments about faith at all?  If faith is so simple, why is it so complex?  And in the end, do I believe any of it at all?

So my public face said that I am a believer while my private face said that I myself know more about the faith of Jesus than the church does so why should I submit to people who know less about it than I do.

I still tend to think that way because I do know more than many but not nearly as much as others do about its history.  But essentially, the truth of the faith is what happens now more than what happened yesterday.

So because I know that church does not always like the knowledge that I have accumulated, I just avoid sharing it with those who think that they are holier than thou, and I stay to myself, believing in what I have learned and found.

I believe many times that I am closer to Jesus than many who pray daily, who sing loudly, and who think that that is what is most acceptable to God. 

So while there are many church going people who continue to pray, to sing hymns, who praise the Lord, they should learn that others may believe but do not want to be amongst those who would criticize and ridicule the new knowledge that one has come to acquire.

So I will let this rest while some of my friends continue to practice their faith their way as I will practice my faith my way.  So be it.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Discussing marriage again

Marriage is that union that bonds male and female together to help foster the human race.  The entire purpose of marriage as signified by law is for the ongoing life of the human race on the planet.  Naturally, one can reproduce without benefit of civil laws and many unwanted and neglected children do come to live on the planet due to sexual drives more than loving relationships but essentially, marriage ceremonies were created so that man and woman could live together to beget and rear a family. If one reads Holy Scripture from the Christian faith, one soon reads about many begettings which helped to continue the lot of that individual body of people.

There are some few men and women who marry simply for companionship without intent of producing a family as the t.v. show years ago called Hart to Hart proved.  Many believe that the planet is already overpopulated enough that the addition of more children is unnecessary.  There is evidence to prove that man has already exceeded his limits in child production in some nations so that the number of children allowed per family is governed by the state.

Certain religious beliefs compound the problem with their imposing rules and regulations about child reproduction, believing falsely that the number of children should be determined haphazardly by a divine power. The real divine power is within the sensibilities of the individual family to know ;how many childeren it can lawfully support so that the choice should be upon the responsible parents, not upon some highly idealistic and foolish church entity.  For men who choose chastity as a lifestyle, it seems absurd to me that they should be able to rule on another man's lifestyle regarding home and family.

I cannot accept the idea that a Pope, a Bishop, or a Cardinal knows ofwhich he speaks when he believes that he is an authority on family and childrearing.

I consider the great body of Cardinals to be totally deluded in their negative thinking pattern about what God wills and wants for humanity.

As I believe in the power of the Holy Ghost and the power of Angels, and the power of Great Almighty God, I believe that to place one's trust and faith in that supreme being is far better than to place it into the hands of misguided and untrustworthy men who have permitted untold sexual scandals, murders, and other crimes within the folds of the Holy See, the place called the Vatican.

I was raised in a protestant Christian faith, and all the tales that I had heard about the Catholic church soon became exposed to have been true after all.  It is a sorry time when people are betrayed by men who apparently deceive not only themselves but the entire community when they harbor child molesters within their own ranks and do nothing about it but keep it secret and undercover.

I do believe that many in the Catholic faith are sincere, do attempt to live by their vows, no matter whether they should or not. I am aware of all the prophecies about the church and it is easy to see why that they could become true for any organization so rotting from within is sure to fall sooner or later.

It does not mean that Christendom is threatened, not at all. The belief in the purity and the sanctity of the Holy Church, the True Church, will always remain. Only the heavily endowed outer structure which is truly false will fail.

Trust in God.  Peace be unto you.

Pulling it all together

It has been two days since I returned from a visit to Colorado to see my dad.  I have had to rethink this entire process again and again.  I am having to resolve some inner conflicts about my feelings towards my family members.  As the saying goes, blood is thicker than water, but there is another saying that actions are more powerful than words which is just as valid.  I am convinced now that there are friends who are more valuable than relatives in many ways.  One has at least proved that to me due to her awareness of my need.

I am well blessed to have such a wonderful childhood that produced this true friend to me. That is all I will say about it for now.

Taxing week

I had no idea that this week would be as rewarding and as tiring as it has been.  I could not sleep before going to Colorado and all I have done since returning is to sleep. I am so tired I could sleep day and night it feels.

Colorado was so wonderfully green that I simply cannot get over it or forget it. I still think about it.  It is amazing when one leaves southern Arizona to see life on the planet as green as can be.  The truth is that from the air there is so much land beneath us that is barren and unpopulated as to make one's head spin.  I cannot get over the fact that there is so much good earth beneath us. One of the things that impressed me most were the shadows or reflexions of the clouds.   That totally fascinated me to see white clouds look like black patches on the Arizona red earth.  No greenery there. Nothing but red, red, red.

It is strange to me to see how people congregate and populate certain sections of terra firma.  People need to be close to one another and it shows so well when entering a city from the air.  Phoenix is absolutely astonishing to see from the air.  One city which lies to the east of us was astounding in its boundary lines.  It was as clear as anything on a map to see the layout of the populated area and the lines at which the developments ended. 

The other peculiarity is always how tiny everything looks from a given height above the ground.  Buildings and cars look small and tiny until one lands  right next to them.  Suddenly, their size has increased.  No wonder so many mistakes are made about distance, but it always confirms to me that that the ufo that I witnessed had to have been humongous since I saw it at such a distance. That is something to consider when eyeballing these flying unknowns in the sky.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Importance of childhood

I have had to catch up on lost sleep. Any dreams I may have had this morning were quickly forgotten.  I am quite sure that I  was involved in some.  When we think about our life, we finally realize the importance of childhood.  So many things occur to us when we are simply dependent upon adults for everything in our lives that we often choose to forget important signposts that occurred to us then.  I was reminded of this when I went to Colorado as I had a strong feel for Ohio City and my grandparents and relatives farms.  The country is always so quiet, so peaceful, and so lacking in people that when I was a kid, I always longed to go back to the big town where other people lived and played.  I grew up in both the country lifestyle and the small town atmosphere. 

Both my parents lacked higher education. My mother was a high school dropout and due to the depression, my dad was not directed towards higher education despite his academic marks and skills.  He went immediately to work, and that plays a very important part in the way we children were raised.  We were always told that we could do what we wanted to do when we had our own house and paid the bills ourself. My dad was a very hardheaded man, who had little time for his own children in my childhood. I grew up believing that he did not like us, and I am still pretty convinced of that.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Marriage

I had many boyfriends during my life. I had many crushes, many hopes, many dreams.  I have had many men promise or threaten to marry me. I avoided that commitment quite successfully when young as I had had a dose of what married life really offers to one when I was only 14 and I knew then and there that much of marriage is nothing but disappointment and heartache.

I babysat neighbor's children to earn some pocket money from early childhood, so that I knew all about babies, and changing diapers, nursing bottles, and crying and squalling, shrieking, and screaming early on.  I did not enjoy it.  Babies are delightful creatures. I loved the smell of baby powder whenever I had to take a babies soiled "nappy" off him, and put on a fresh one.  I loved to clean his little bottom, spread ointment on his legs and tummy, sprinkle a dose of powder, and then carefully fold the diaper, pin it into place, and hold him in my arms. I  did this so often I was like a little mother when I was just ten years old.

In my day, we made very little money at it, but then things were not that expensive for the needed items that we worked to earn.

But when I had to stay at night, watch the nursing bottles stand in the sink, watch the diapers pile up in the laundry basket, watch my aunt Doris squeeze her breasts to get the milk out, listen to her and her husband, my uncle, talk and explain the problems of birthing, I began to realize that having a baby is more than just putting him into a bed at night for sleeptime, or a baby buggy during the day to take out and stroll, a baby to feed to hold in your arms to burp him and cuddle him, but that it became gradually a pain in the neck, an annoyance at night when baby cries, and you have to get up, find out what is causing the tears, and knowing that this routine is soon without end...for every day you wake up, there is another bottle to fill, another diaper to change, and another round of burping to keep baby healthy and happy. 

After three months of that,  I decided that having a baby, being a mother, is not the ideal choice for a child so young.

My aunt was only three years older than I at that time, and I did not want to follow in her footsteps.

I loved little David, and his older brother Danny was only a year old at that time too. Danny was good as gold, but he was totally forgotten with the new baby who had to be fed and diapered.  Cousin Rita was about four years old then and lived next door.  So during that summer, I had both David and Danny to care for while Rita was next door to come visit if she could. I looked after all three at that time when I was only 14 years old myself.

I have never forgotten that.  Teenagers having kids is just typical in that time period.  Most kids wanted to be all grown up.  Those were the days!  Kids dropped out of school at 16 and had to make it on their own.  It was only after I graduated from college and went to California where I learned that a law had been made in that state that kids could not be high school dropouts. By law, they had to finish their education if not in a regular school, at a special continuing education type school for misfits who failed to fit into the regular school system.

One does get an education of a different kind when one becomes a parent of a child.  There is no substitute for on the job training as  mother when caring for one's cousins.  I learned then and there the hardships that the young have when they decide to age too soon, too fast.  But my family had always been that way...we did everything when we were young that we could...thrill seekers all.

It is now when I look back, after visiting with my dad in Colorado, that I realize how happy I am that I avoided marriage and family in my life.  Doris and Frank had taught me well the hazards of marriage  and birthing.  I love Danny and David as if they were my own because of that summer spent caring for them. I am proud to say that they are great kids.  They are both wonderful sons to their proud mom and pop who are now with my mom in afterlife land.  We keep in touch to this day!


Yes, like Frank Sinatra's old song of That's Life.  Sex, Yes, I have had a few, too many to mention...So many men in my life but none to wed...we tried, a few, but oh, how we lied, so we knew that we could back out of it and did...thank Heaven that we had good sense to know that tied to one another was not the way to be...staying free, feeling free, knowing that there are good men and bad, I always realized that none could ever be to me all that I would want...only my uncles were ever the model men who I love and cherish yet...I was always too good to be true, too dependable, too reliable, too sweet, too kind, too easy to love, too easy to control, until they came to know me, when they soon learn that I am too difficult, too intelligent, too independent, too free, staying true to being only me.

I have always loved good men, ornery like my uncle Frank, kind like my uncle Jim, quiet like my dad, tender like my brother....no man can ever be all men...but the last man who cared for me and about me recently has been both my dad and my brother...Bryce kept his mouth shut and didn't argue, Dad didn't argue but once, but both knew to be kind for this was probably the last they would see me for some time...maybe ever in the case of my dad...So men!  dang them all! short, tall, sweet, sour, nasty and mean, or loving and kind, women just can't live without them!  They have to learn to appreciate me more than they like to admit that they must!  Maybe my dad learned a lesson...maybe my brother learned a lesson...who knows?  They may think what they will but being free is best!

Day after return to Arizona

A one night vacation, with two half days in  Colorado to spend time with my ailing dad was much needed I realized today after I woke up from a good sleep.

I had been having dreams about Durango and Colorado for a long time so it was rather interesting to learn how easily and quickly one forgets something that one leaves behind.  Memories are selective choice things it appears and dreams are never very well explained. I cannot understand even yet why I have had so many dreams of Durango but at least one was understood when I saw the housing development that had taken place in  a valley immediately behind the entry to the Hillcrest Estate area.

Colorado is a mountainous region, from which there is little escape.  The only area which is not mountainous is directly east of Denver, Colorado Springs, and the Rocky Mountain areas.  The rest of the state had to have been a nightmare for the pioneers of yesterday as it is now even yet a nightmare for vehicles to climb and cross all seasons of the year.  Most of the year is it winter it seems as ice and snow come regularly to this mountainous region of the USA.

I enjoyed the ride from Durango to Cortez which again is totally winding, uphill and downhill as it is very mountainous, which means that it is full of snake curves, many varieties of trees which totally cover the mountainside, and lots of fallen limbs and timber which can come sliding down onto the highway at any time.  There have been wildfires near Mancos, a small historical town caught halfway between Durango and Cortez, and the blackened and scorched brush and ground revealed the extent of the fire.  Fortunately, rain fell while I was there which helped to fully contain and end the fire in that locale.

Cortez is a very small town which lies on the edge of the state near the fourcorners landmark.  Cortez is also the entry way to the Mesa Verde National Park.  It boasts a mountain called The Sleeping Ute, named for the Indians who are native to the land.  One can see the head dress of the chief and the toes while a huge mound is supposed to his arms crossed across his chest.  He stares up into the Heavens both night and day, letting Heaven rain down upon him, whether in sunshine, snow, or rain.

I stayed in a motel across from the Welcome Center it turns out, and as the Assisted Living Home is across the street from the hospital, it is also on the same street as the Justice Department.  I had to walk from my motel to the Vista Mesa home. It was a long way, a mile or so, and it was pretty much uphill.  I chose the motel because it was the closest I could find to the home. 
Two large parks line the road which leads to the home and the hospital.  There will be an air balloon display in the first week of August.  The park is quite large, very beautifully manicured, and makes a great impression to a first time visitor, this one, in particular.

\he assisted living home is very pretty, very small, and very homey.  There are many bird feeders which line the entry way to the property, and in the back of the complex is a very nice garden area which also boasts a gazebo.  Bird feeders line the fenced landscape along with a variety of plants and flowers.  One can see into the vast Montezuma county countryside from the garden area since there are nothing but open fields which lay behind the building.

I enjoyed the visit. It reminded me of my childhood in Ohio because of its quiet beauty and sparsely populated lifestyle.  It allows one to go to sleep peacefully.  I am sure that that is what my dad is longing to have, peace, quiet, and sleep.  I am hoping that he will finally achieve his earnest desire, so that is why I made the effort to see him while I am able to walk the distance.  I met a fellow resident there who is only two years older than I who is unable to walk.  I learn that I have many blessings.

I have had many grievances about my dad and his treatment of me during the years I have known him.  He and I both know of the history that is between us.  We did not bring any of it up during our conversations with one another.  I realize that he is correct about his impressions of the place. I walked with him several times as all he wants to do is to walk.  I followed him to see what he does and how much it wears him out.

That was on the first day.  My walking uphill to see him on the second day was enough walking for me.  I did not need to do any more than I had already done.  I talked with some others who were waiting for their weekly jaunt to Walmarts.  My dad only goes if he needs something from there, and it is obvious that he needs very little.

I do believe that there are many lifetimes in the past, and that there are many lifetimes to come in the future.  I do not pretend to have all the answers but I have at least discovered many answers to some of the questions for which we seek solu tions and answers.

While my dad protests that he does not believe in God, I believe otherwise now. I am quite certain that he does.

So long as he believes in me, he believes in God.



Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Trip to Colorado

I just returned from visiting my dad who is in Cortez, C olorado at an assisted living home. It was good to see him recovered from his many injuries that he had suffered in his last months here in Arizona, but I do not like it that he is Cortez which is a very expensive distance from where he had lived here in Arizona.  So, thanks to a friend who had a good heart, I finally got to see my dad again, as it is not certain how long he will live.  He looks skinny, extremely thin to me, and he continues to tell me that he is longing to pass away from this plane into the next.

So I wanted to see for myself just exactly how he is doing, and what he really means. He will be 97 in September if he lives that long, for let's not kid around, anything can happen to someone in a very short time.

We actually had a nice time together. I spent two half days with him, and we got along well. He was very happy that I made the trip to see him. I told him how it came to be, and he remembered my friend from childhood who has been so thoughtful and kind to help me with this effort.

The assisted living home is a very quiet and clean residence in which the occupants have a certain amount of freedom, depending upon their health needs.  He is able to walk with a walker, and continues to exercise.  He is bored with the daily routine but likes the pianist who comes to help ease the monotony.  He and I talked of family, friends, and the future.  The airline would not let me take two food items I had planned to give to him.  Oh well, maybe I will get them to him some other way.

But it was good to see Durango again. I got the tour of my old neighborhood and found to my surprise that a dream that I had had a few months back had some validity. I had dreamt that the hillside in the neighborhood had been covered with housing unlike anything that I could believe. I saw each building individually and in the group so that when I saw it in the ride up to my house, I recognized it as having seen it already in the dream state.

To me, that meant that the reason I could see it is that my astral body had traveled there and seen it because it was exactly as it was yesterday, in every respect.

I have read about out of body experience before, but only twice have I experienced it to have the dream actually be validated and come true.  This is one of those occasions and times.  The other was when I had dreamed that an old friend who was a redhead was blonde in a dream.  Next time I saw her in person she actually was blonde like in the dream.  That always puzzled me until now. Because of that housing development as I had known it was Durango in the dream even, and seeing it yesterday, I am convinced that it can only be the astral body experience. If an other explanation I would like to know what.  How can someone see something that exists but has never seen?  I am asking.  It happens to me.

Airport security at Durango surprised me with a scanner machine which frankly I dislike but went through pretty hastily.  Alll I could think is that you know who from the past is so right about how 911 affected the airports.  America is still being victimized by a few terrorists from the Middle East.  When will Americans ever learn to control their own affairs without having to be coerced into senseless methods such as we have going on now?  Taking one's shoes off if under 75...silly in my opinion. 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Politics and agendas on facebook

I do not really like the current politics that are going on in this USA.  The temperature of the body politic is lukewarm, since few appear to be rallying one way or the other behind a candidate.

There is an old saying, "The Pendulum swings", and I believe that the pendulum is about to swing back into oldtime religion once again since it appears to many that the devil has waged evil enough already.

The fact that Barack Obama so easily broke his pledge to help save horses from becoming horsemeat has turned me against him totally.  He did the same thing in his vow to support the church communities.  So I consider him an unreliable and undependable lout.

Summer Dust Storms

We have been having an unusual amount of serious dust storms in the Valley this summer. I  suppose records are being broken everywhere as it is a strange season.  I have been in much worse several times when I first moved here years ago. One time, a group of us were traveling from Phoenix to California, and we had to stop in Blythe for the night because the dust was so thick and damaging.  The dust can make pits in the paint of your car if you are not careful. I still remember that storm as the highway patrol forced us to find a motel and spend the night before traveling any further.  In that respect, none of these despite the awesome look from the air, have been nearly so bad.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I went to the airport this afternoon to pick up my boarding pass because I received an email from USAirways saying that I could get within 24 hours of the flight.  The machines at the airport then informed me I was too early, that it was eight hours.  A nice gentleman there was kind enough to help me and therefore got my boarding pass for me.  Amazing.

I learned something else from him that I did not know about my driver's license, and I must go to the Motor Department to do an address change this late already.

I talked to my brother twice already, my cousin Rita, and a few people on the internet through email.  I am ready for anything.  So I have tried to get things in order for the cats.  I am running late, need sleep, but afraid to sleep in case I oversleep.  What a mess, as I have not had enough sleep at all this day even. I will surely sleep tomorrow night.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Writing a Novel

To be honest, one must be somewhat inspired to write a full fledged novel.  There are many things that motivate a person to write a particular novel.  I became interested in the subject of Alexander the Great  through the methods of listening to the voice within that we are so often advised to do.  Heaven is within, and Heaven can mean most anything to most people in this day and age.  But the truth is that many discoveries have been made due to dreams, subconscious thoughts rising in the night, and to dreams which reveal and expose matters of importance.

So that is how I came to learn of Alexander the Great.  I learned through inner probing.  I decided finally to try to write a story about Alexander in his youth so that people could understand the foundation that was laid to create the man he ultimately became.  He was nurtured in the language of the Ancients which are now no longer known and taught in modern schools.  A few classical studies grooups may include some references to Alexander but because he belonged to a time period in which the gods and goddesses were able to mingle with the mortals, they were soon chased away when other religious bodies and beliefs came along to erase them from history.

I have learned through my gleanings that within ourselves are answers and solutions to problems that we probably do not even consider except by chance.  I found that a door opened so that I came to know of the Alexander that is caught up in the spiritual records of the universe.  I shall try to tell the story of Alexander occasionally referring to information that is within my knowledge due to this doorway to the past!

Conference of the Gods (second)

Zeus gathered all the gods and goddesses together in his great court.  "My son, Alexander, is growing up. I expect great things for him.  He is going to do mangificent deeds.  I expect that each one of you is going to help him in his  mission while on earth and in mortal man's form."

"There will be time enough for each one of you to assist not only Alexander but also his entire family, mother, father, armies, friends and companions so that the rule of Zeus will spread throughout the entire land, " he added.

Zeus sat tall and proud on his throne which was perched high in the clouds as he amused himself watching the earthlings, mortal beings, weave their way through the world, enjoying commerce, trade, philosophy, the arts, music, and culture.

"I have decreed that Alexander shall rule all of Asia Minor, Greece, Egypt,  and India until I shall end his days in Babylon.  He shall journey far and wide. His mother and his father shall be the cause of his greatness in the world.  He will spread my kingdom far and wide.  Together, all of us will help him to supplant the old religions of that great empire called Persia,"  announced Father Zeus CloudGatherer.

"Each one of you is charged to use your particular gift and talent to enable Alexander to achieve his goals.  We shall begin influencing him in his youth so that by the time he achieves manhood, he will be able to take over the business that his father has begun," Almighty Zeus continued.

"Yeah, Yeah,!"  All the gods and goddesses murmured together as one. "We approve. We agree."

"Alexander is your special charge at this time," he continued.  "He will be endowed with genius, vitality, swiftness of foot, quickness and mental clarity, gifted with spiritual insights, possess great psychic abilities.  Through dreams he shall be counseled and advised.  He will be well endowed physically, with great muscular strength and a strong physical body.    His senses shall be keen and true.  He shall be like the immortals except that he will be with men who are mortal."

Conference of the Gods (First draft edition)


This is the first of several occasions when the gods gather to discuss their involvement with Alexander of Macedon.

Introducing Zeus and family

"Yaaaaaaaaahoooooooo!" Zeus roared.  Everyone in the kingdom heard him and came rushing to see  why he was so excited.  Athena was the first to reach him.  "What's with you, Father Zeus?", she asked.  "I could hear you whooping all over the Heavens!"

"My son is born!", Philip and Olympias have given birth to my son!", Zeus replied.

"How did you do it this time, Father? Did you do it in disguise?  Did Olympias recognize you?" Queen Hera asked.

"No," he responded quickly. "It was easy....At his birth, I breathed my breath of life into him. I waited until he was coming out of the womb, and I gathered him to me and forced the breath of my life into him. He will have my vitality, my wisdom, my energy, my intelligence, my voice, my life for all the days of his life.   He will be my voice on the earth!", Father Zeus said proudly. "  He is my child, my offspring, though his earth father Philip brught him forth with Queen Olympias, he will always be known as  MY son."

"We will watch over him for you, Great Father," shouted Athanea Pallas.

"We will give him great love and honor," said Aphrodite.

"I will invest courage, brvery, dash and spirit into him," shouted Apollo enthusiastically.

"I will feed him," said Dmeter. "He will never want for sustenance."

"And I will give him faith, mysticism, belief, and steadfastness," chimed in Queen Hera.

"I will give him strength of character, boldness, fearlessness," cried Poseidon Earthshaker.

"I will make him happy with my grapes of wisdom at all the festivals," exclaimed Dionysus.

Altogether, the entire boedy chorused, "Together, we will rule the world with him."

Father Zeus said to Apollo, "Go to see him now. I will be along soon."  With that, Apollo sped out of Heaven to stand in front of the happy Mother and Father to watch as Alexander was consecrated to Father Zeus and all the gods and goddesses in the Heavens.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Slept late today

What a time.I could see that someone in the West was getting lots of rain yesterday afternoon, but the most amazing thing that occurred was a light that shone through the clouds in the western sky. Thannks to slooh I learned of a phenomena which is on their websiite that looked quite similar. I am sure that it was just the sun casting a great light around a particular cloud but it was truly awesome to see.

I had left my phone at home to recharge so I did not get a photo of it. I carry my phone to use for photo opportunities but had to miss this one.

I dwelt upon my mother's death in a previous post.  I guess it is something that one just does not forget easily.  My mother and I had a very close relationship especially in her later years.  We had our share of problems as she had had bad nightmares at night which were very disturbing. I attribute all of it to her excessive amount of medicines that she was taking.  She was clearly overdosed and I don't believe that many of them were that good for her.

She suffered a lot in her old age, as she had way too many problems for a woman her age.  She had had bad feet all her life, having planter's warts on the bottom of her feet, then she developed knee problems for which she had surgery to have knee replacements.  That did give her relief from the pain in her knees which was excruciating. She was in her early 70's when that happened so now that I am at that age, I understand her wish to have me spend my time with her.  I do fully understand and agree that she needed help. I need it now myself and I have fewer health problems than she had had.

She then came down with Parkinson's disease which caused her to fall on several occasions. She was a heavyset woman so that picking her up was a difficult thing for me to do.  But I often got her up from where she had fallen when it was in the house. She once fell at a Safeway store which frightened me no end.  She was with my dad when that happened. 

Thinking about all of that now is why I am going to make the trip to see my  dad finally after these many years.  I spent a lot of my time devoted to caring for my mother which my dad and my brother have never full realized or appreciated as far as I am concerned.

So I guess I need to put into writing my feelings now.  I feel very compelled to remind myself of all that took place since my folks left the state of Michigan to live in the Western half of the nation. 

No, I am not one bit sorry that I do not have a daughter or a son to look after me.  I am happy that I will be able to leave this world without caring or worrying if an offspring will have a good life or not.
My mother always worried about me.  Who will look after you? she would say, and I would say, I will take care of myself. Don't worry about it.

So that is the way it is for now.  Going to library and airport this day. I overslept this morning.  But it felt good and I needed the rest.  So it is getting late and I am closing the computer once I log this on.

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my mother's birthday.  She was born in 1920 so that she would be 92 today.. 

She died quickly, in the kitchen dining area, sitting at the dinner table where she ate. I was preparing coffee when she suddenly shouted out, "Help!" and I looked at her clutching her heart, and she became animatedly angry, yelling, "Come help me!" So I ran over to her and began pounding on her chest.  I heard her death rattle, and I began crying,"Mom, come back, Come Back.!" I was absolutely devastated so I blew into her mouth at which time she smiled at me, and her face went white, and her head then bent to the side. 

I ran out to get my dad, and he screamed, "Call 911."  So I called to get help, and almost as soon as I hung up, the ambulances came.  They applied a fibolater to her heart even though I knew that she was dead  They put her on the floor, and gave it a try.  My dad was upset, but all we could do was to follow them while they took her to the emergency room at the hospital.

It was a horrible morning. I can never forget it.  But we got through it.  She was gone. It was dreadful to watch how they handled her.  To see her body lying on the floor, then taken in the ambulance. I wonder still how I got through that day.  The attending doctor was nice to me then. 

All I can say is that she was lucky she went so fast, and at least, with a smile on her face. I think she found the light and went home to Heaven.



Reading Other People's Opinions or Remarks

When one gets involved in a character study, especially if an author or historian, one often forgets that these famous people get dissected and discussed by other people who are not within your immediate circle of friends.

I learned that lesson tonight when I read a blog which included references to Louis XIII and Louis XIV.  Before I became somewhat immersed, and believe me, I know only a little in comparison to what authors and historians who have written tons of material on the subject know, I wondered how other people felt about these characters who I was just beginning to know.

The fact that I knew nothing about them at all is probably what has made my experiences so interesting and satisfying to me.  Because as I now read other people's comments, I realize that my feelings were at least untainted by outside opinion. 

Louis XIV has fascinated me since I was able to realize his own genuine feelings when events happend to him.  He satisfied something inside me that is truly unique in undergoing an experience that one is simply waiting to happen.  His joy and his fears let me know how happy he was as a child when parading down the street for what is called his majority.  The child in him pleased me so much.

I will say that when I underwent a similar childhood experience in Alexander, there was an entirely different reaction in him.  Alexander was a lonely boy who needed his horse as a friend, and his pleasure was in having the horse, but the sorrow was in realizing how alone he truly had been.  I felt his loneliness as well as his happiness to have a best friend then. 

His victory in handling the horse so well was almost as satisfying as having his father commend him for it.   His father's approval was very important to him when so young and so desiring of following in his footsteps.

I sometimes question whether it is wise to write these events out, since they are so personal and private.  Yet they make a caricature in history into someone who is truly a human being, a person, and it is important to make a reader who is truly interested in the person aware of it.

In the movie that Roberto Rossellini made of Louis XIV's effort to take control of his court so that he was acknowledged as the real King, and not a figure head, he made Louis XIV appear to be a bit of a buffoon at the end of the film.   I understand why it is that Roberto Rossellini took license with history in his drama, but I respect Louis XIV far better than Roberto had obviously.

Likewise, I became so disgusted with so many people making fun of Alexander as some peculiar sort that I decided to write my own novel to show how and why he became the kind of person who is depicted in history  as a madman.  Other far worse phrases than that came out when Oliver Stone made his film so I realized that Alexander is perceived differently according to the author. 

I was very determined to know the truth when I set out to find if my spirit guide was telling me the truth about having been Alexander, and I demanded a lot from myself.  Little did I know that more and more would come without my even seeking it. Once it breaks through, it comes when apparently it is necessary for me to know something.  It has helped me many times to get through this period in my life.

I truly do not question my guides but I did not want to be fooled into something just for my ego.  I wanted both entities to live up to my good opinion of myself.  I have learned a lot and have had to realize that the times make the man or woman.  Environment is everything.





Supermarkets versus gardens

I bought some plums today at Walmart.  I just cannot stand the way growers pick fruit when still unripe so that when I buy it, it is still unripened.  I love ripe fruit for its natural sweetness.

I did notice the other day while traveling on the local bus a small garden in someone's back yard.  Huge sunflowers were growing there. I wondered what kind of plants thrived there.  The sunflowers were doing well and were placed so that one knew that they were there to give shade to the rest of the garden plants. I loved seeing a garden, knowing that someone really cared about their plants and vegetables enough to protect them from the western sun. 

We had wild strawberries which were the sweetest tasting berries that you can imagine. No packaged boxes of strawberries from any company can come close to tasting as good as those sweet small berries.  I have eaten blackberries straight off the bush which also are sweet and delicious when homegrown.  Berries in boxes have little flavor, and are often tart instead of sweet. I want natural sweetness.  Cantaloupe and watermelon follow in the same category but luckily one local dealer does often have melons that are fully ripened and sweet.

Olathe corn from Colorado is the best sweet corn that money can buy in this part of the country.  There are other varieties as Michigan also boasted sweet corn that was super good. I did learn a secret from my cousin which turned out to work.  Place a tablespoon of sugar into the water when boiling corn to retain its sweetness.  It did work for me.

Here is to everyone having a satisfying summer enjoying all the fruits and vegetables that hopefully come from your own backyard.  Wish I could say the same but sorry, I have to shop around.

Stranger than Fiction

Naturally, the internet comes up with strange stories about the time that I write these so this story will have to continue after I decide to delete the previous two due to their too personal nature.

One reason I place some of these posts on facebook is to see how many people will actually read them when posted.  I take notice of that.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Hometown

In a small town,
there is only one post office,
one major department store,
two grocery stores,
many restaurants...

Everyone loves to eat,
neighbors know one another,
gather together to gossip,
join social clubs,
attend pta meetings.

school sports are supported,
everyone is the team mascot,
every child is family,
every family is one.

many varieties of religious belief,
some attend church regularly,
some attend nightclubs and bars,
some play billiard games,
some attend church socials,
pray during the week as well as Sunday Service.

Parents know the teachers by name,
Students know only the last name of the teacher,
Students must respect the rule of the school,
Every child must attend or see the truant officer,
Getting caught for being truant is
grounds for punishment and a visit to the principal.

Small town living is special.
Ice cream socials in the summer,
Christmas treats in the winter,
Halloween pranks in the fall,
and prom in the spring.

Everyone who loves everyone
tries to stay in the hometown,
some are forced away for reasons unknown,
some return to visit and remember
the good old days of hometown.

My hometown is a foundation
of learning, friendships, neighbors
and family, church and school.

Lessons learned in the past
are never forgotten, and the most
important lessons continue to be
realized in time.

Whether hometown is better appreciated
from far away or from closeup and within,
only each individual can ever say. 

It is a question whether to return or to stay,
whether anyone remembers when you were there,
or misses you when away.

No matter what, no matter how, it is where we made our bow.

Rain

The air is thick, dense
 clouds saturate the skies,
rain drizzles slowly,
the street puddles grow
as each drop falls.

A narrow stream
lengthens with the falling rain,
Leaves glisten on the branches
of the trees,
birds flutter their wings,
a cat scurries under a shrub,

An umbrella snaps open,
a car splashes water onto the curbs,
someone rushes under a patio roof,
windows close sharply
a door slams shut,
the rain begins to  pour,
the cat's meow cuts through the bush,
the downpour drowns all sounds,
silence except for the rain
pounding on rooftops.

Fresh rain to nourish
'the earth, to cleanse the bush,
to soothe the parched tongue.

first, a sprinkle, a drizzle, slowly
falling in drops, then in sheets, 
pouring onto the desert land.

Rain, the mercy of Heaven!






Hackers and Viruses

I just learned that this particular computer upon which I am writing this piece has been hacked into again, and obviously has a virus. I had several indications of this thanks to a security group in India called Yogi which alerted me.  I do not know how it is that this group is aware of this but this is not the first time that they have let me know of it.  I know that they are correct. I also know that I had security updates installed this morning so that presumably for the time being the computer is safe. I do not use it for anything much anymore except to watch movies or to play games and once in a rare while such as this to check email and write on a blog.

I am doing that purposefully.  Believe me when I say that when I write anything on the internet I do it with full realization that it can be picked up, copied, and used by anyone as if it were their own.   There is no such thing as safeguards on this internet, like it or not.  One reason I would just as soon have an old fashioned typewriter.

One thing you can be sure of is that there are many individuals and organizations who fear everything in life.  Obviously, the truly insecure are the most fearful, but whenever anyone such as myself comes up with some concept or idea that threatens a group's ideology, position, or self concept, one will find one's self under attack from that group.

It is stupid but then most people are stupid.  It is just that simple, and certain other kinds of people like to keep stupid people under control.  With the internet, it is that easy to do.

Thankfully, I do have a few real friends in important places who are not quite so easily threatened by anything that I might say.  But I have learned this morning that once again, important material has been taken from this computer.  I am aware of it.

That is all I will say for now.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Post battle

Stiff, dry bodies littered the battlefield.  A careful look at the face of the young man suited in the blue of his outfit staring up into the vast sky revealed a sense of calm, of resignation.  He lay there motionless while a soldier dressed in light tan carefully examined his head wounds, then ran his hands down his chest, waist and hips, recovering any weapons which may remain on the body.  The soldier then turned the head to the left, to the right, straightened the corpse so that its arms lay at its side, and pulled the legs together, tightly so that the entire appearance was uniform and straight.  He then went to the next body which lay atop a pile, pulled it from the pile, and lay it  down beside the soldier already laid out.  As he had done with the previous, he studied the eyes, closed them if open, turned the head to the left, then to the right, ran his hands down the chest, checked for weapons that could be hidden under the skirt of the uniform, and then pulled the arms to the side, and the legs straight down.  Each soldier was taken from the pile in this manner, carefully examined to see if he had any life in him a tall, and when  found dead, taken and examined from head to toe, lined up in a row against each other so that all men are counted and examined.  In this manner, each and every corpse was counted and identified, all weaponry removed, and each readied for official burial.

The blue of the uniform designated the members of this famous band of warriors known as the Sacred Band.  They had fought valiantly according to their own code and rule, defending one another to the very last member of their renowned group.  Some were so seriously wounded and maimed as to be considered unacceptable for burial so were assigned to be cremated with the band of soldiers from Athens.

To be continued

Unbelievable temps in Phoenix

It is 89 degrees in the afternoon this Friday the 13th.  Unbelievable weather on this date!  It is so good to have it cooler even though the humidity is high.  Just truly amazing and so well received.  We are all dumbfounded!

Something went wrong

I am seriously wondering what the problem is regarding layout on these photographs.  I cannot be smiley all the time so this is a view of when I am thinking to myself about something.  Am publishing this for a reason as I am trying to decide whether to let hair grow out to its natural state or to continue coloring.  Light hair color diminishes the harshness of advanced wrinkles.  No make up in this photo also.

tying this all together

For friendly compositions, this is fine to show that I am holding these pages up before the camera to take a shot at these.  What the so called copyright laws are about these photos is something that I won't attempt to understand. They are not going to be used in any way except to see how the webcam is operating and if someone really wants to see them they can.  I may share to facebook only to delete after a time. I already deleted a set that I had shared there.

Alexander the Great bust

All of Alexander the Great at different ages

three photos of busts of Alexander

Picture of Hephaestion, friend of Alexander the Great

Alexander busts

Alexander, Alexander, Alexander with Hephaestion, Heracles, and maybe Nicator Seleucus.

Photos of pictures of Alexander

Pictures of Alexander, Hephaestion, Alexander.

Trying Again

This is Marcello.  Now what the heck is happening.  Isn't he the cutest?  He is the aggressive little cat that my vet called a Tom.  He just had his shots.   The vet told me that he is just fine, looks good, and seemed to like him. I have to make an appointment to have him neutered.  He is a little yapper, always meowing while his brother never makes a sound.  Alexander is as quiet as they come, peaceful, gentle, soft, and silky. But they do compete and love each other to death.  Next  I will place a picture of Alexander.Alexander is on top in this crazy effort. I have no control over this computer.  What will happen when I publish this? Who knows?

Alexander the Great sculpture

Top picture is of me trying to get something more into my photo album on this computer than just a running album of my changing hairstyles and moods.  But it is very difficult to take pictures of photos from books. The bottom photo is of a piece of Macedonian armor for it is supposed that of Philip of Macedon.  A tomb was opened which is alleged to be that of Philip since numerous objects were found that appear to be that of the Macedonian King and his family.  This chest covering is suppsoed to belong to Philip. I would question that until I saw it in person to be honest.  One could be able to judge his size by such a garment if it is one that was worn instead of a representative one to be shown for posterity to learn.  Why anyone would put something in a tomb thinking that someone would find it in a future date is speculation also?

The other picture is from a different source but it is supposed to be from the same period.  At this exact moment, I am not sure where I found this picture along with many others which I may decide to put on this photo album also.  But this is a carving of Alexander and Hephaestion along with others.  I cannot identify them all right now.





Thursday, July 12, 2012

Part 3 Hollywood and Me

In Florida, after California, at a court reporting school, one of the girls asked the question to me "Why You?" 

I don't have an answer for that. I do not know to be honest. 

Three movies came out on my birthday then, Network, Rocky, and another about a President who gets killed by his own men, whose name I have forgotten.  Network and Rocky both got Oscars. They both had allusions to a connection to me.  I can state exactly what but will let that sleeping dog lie also.  One is a magazine cover with a child in a boxing ring sporting red boxing gloves. The magazine is Liberty, published on my birthday in 1939.  That was very obvious since the movie Rocky was released in Clearwater on that date.

T.V. shows that came about during that time which can be proved were Charlie's Angels, Three's Company, and Saturday Night Live. The Samurai man on Saturday Night Live could be traced to a restaurant owner on the Clearwater Causeway. I was seeing a man who worked for the company that gives the t.v. ratings, the Nielsen ratings. He told me I should sue.  He was used in 3's Company as well,, and he could have sued also. The movie The Gambler had verbatim a conversation I had with a maintenance man demanding to know if there was a bug in the room.  He had to admit later and even proved to me how much Hollywood knew about him in the film that I am correct about Hollywood bugging me.  Sonny even made it appear that I am Cher one night when I made a statement to test if any could hear me from that apartment.

It just continued without end.  When Jim called me Pretty Lady, that became the name for Pat on some t.v. soap show.  The soaps are best at keeping up with me as I traveled I soon learned.

So now, this many years later, remembering these stories, I can truly say that a cartoon about the ufo finally zeroing in on the leader makes sense to me.  That cartoonist may have got it right after all.  The UFO is lifting a t.v. set up into its space.

Isn't it nice to know that when you meet the real people who are depicted on tv. that they are in reality only slightly close to being like the actors and actresses who portray them.  Remember in Hollywood, men and women are interchangeable.  I have been portrayed by men as often as women.

Oh, the Gambler t.v. show did influence me a lot.  I began to realize that I must use it to my advantage.

Politics

People should let government return to the hands of the people instead of to the banks and corporations which now control it.

Hollywood tangent continued

Being the kind of workhorse that I had been at that time, I did not really pay much attention to films, or t.v.  Teaching is hard work, especially when you are activiely working with youth in the areas of pep clubs, cheerleading, songleading, athletics, school plays, and just the work of grading and correcting paper work.  One of the early casualties of being a teacher is that the eyes go. I soon had to have glasses because I did so much paper work.

When at Kent State University in Ohio, I had had to take a speech therapy kind of exercise to correct my speech and my breathing problem.  One of the things that I had to do is seen in the movie My Fair Lady with Audrey Hepburn when she has to also do the thing that I had to do, which is to learn to breathe properly using a candle.  Once I saw the movie, I recognized the similarity, thanks to ABC t.v. for showing it in a rerun. Otherwise, I would never have noticed it at all.

I never saw myself as that little cockney girl, but I know that others have as they have said so. I honestly do not think that anyone would find me that challenging to try to remake into a LADY!

I have always been a bit of a tomboy, and admit that I like casual clothing better than too formal.

Anyway, I did not think anything about the fact that people who have speech problems have to do similar exercises, but when at Azusa, one of my students told me that I looked like some soap opera star who was an attorney, I began to take notice that Hollywood was using me.

In the faculty room, the other teachers even pointed out to me that they had heard things that we had said in the privacy of our lounges come back through t.v. shows.  I did not spend that much time watching t.v. then  as I have already said, but soon, I learned of a new show called All In The Family. At the time it was told to me I had known nothing about it, but I said oh, probably not on a major network...HA! To my surprise, when I saw it, I recognized immediately the stereotype characters.  If for no other reason than the words coming out of their mouths.

The setting of All in the Family is Queens, New York.  I know that area a wee bit.  But I will let that sleeping dog lie for the time being.  It was a skit in AITF with a statue of St. Therese, the Little Flower, that made me realize that this was no coincidence about Queens and resemblances to the family members.

Archie Bunker looked a lot like one of the faculty members with whom I worked, Edith looked like the mother of a faculty member, and there was little doubt that Sally Struthers was a lookalike for me in some ways, and that Meathead also bore a resemblance to another who worked in the school system.  We all realized it.  Now, there is an entire family whose children attended school there upon who this entire group could also resemble.  In the end, we all have people who resemble one another, but this entire cast looked like casting from the school system. I still did not have enough time to watch it that much.
\
The old style piano is very funny to me which is the opening scene in which Archie and Edith open the show, singing offkey.  (Jean Stapleton did appear here locally to convince my mother that I am right about some things, as my mom always used the phrase piss and vinegar a lot...so Jean was nice enough to say it to prove to my mom that Hollywood is bugging us!)  My contention is that we are being observed all the time since one of the other faculty members told me that to my face when we took a little side trip to her home away from home.

Someone in downtown L.A. told me that it is a one horse town, and I became finally convinced that I am the one horse in that town...in that time period for sure.

Because it is not just All In the Family, or the Mary Tyler Moore Show, or LaVerne and Shirley, or Happy Days, but an entire host of shows which includes soap operas, All My Children, General Hospital, and One Life To Live, Days of Our Lives, The  Edge of Night, and Another World, and As the World Turns...they all do it.

Maybe by now it should be DID.

How they do it?  They showed me.  In department stores, all one had to do was to walk through the entertainment section with t.v.'s and when live, they would parrot it right back. They are that good, that quick, and that professional. I caught on when a girl came to autoworld, and demonstrated that if I walked this way, she would walk that way, that if I did this, she did this, and so I caught on.

The Queens part is that an old boyfriend had told me that I am always on stage, and to always remember to be on stage, to act, to pretend, to feign.  I have not forgotten him yet.  His family lived in Queens.  That is how I know Queens.

So I do just that.  I play games, I act,  and I wear clothes as crazy as can be because as Danny told me in Sacramento, it is on the clothes.

I also warn people.  There is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Richard Dreyfuss made that perfectly clear to me.  Hollywood will do it for whatever reason it is that they feel the need or compulsion.  Don't ask me why.  I just know that there is nothing to do but realize as Shakespeare said, the world is a stage, and we are the players.

Play on, world. 

A Hollywood tangent

People probably tired of my telling them that I have a microphone on me when I would let them know that anything said and done around me would probably end up in a Hollywood movie or a Hollywood t.v. show. 

When I was a student at Michigan State University, I had a sociology class taught by a man name of David Gottlieb.  That means God's Love if you don't know already.  When I was in court reporting, one of my  fellow court reporter students let us know that we were all a bunch of little Morgensterns just because he was our teacher.  In other words, we become the teacher ourselves...something with which one can choose to agree or disagree.  I pretty much thought no, as I had already had two  others who were named Lord and Love.  That thinking makes me God'sLove, Love, Lord and now Morgenstern too. 

But the importance of Gottlieb was that he was a professor who was teaching without a bona fide degree.  That does work at that time at the University of Virginia, the campus which Thomas Jefferson built, but this was at Michigan State University, not Virgina.  Because Gottlieb was an entertainer, he drew many students to his class. He had  a style and a sense of humor that attracted students to him.

I have a few more stories about him, but will let most pass.  He had a brother who was a lawyer and he often commented about the language of legalese.

All professors give papers to write as assignments.  We were all stuck on the planet Mercury and had to write a sociology paper about what life was like for those who lived on Mercury. I don't remember much more than that about that class but I got an A on my paper.  That gave me an A in my class.

I did not know then how this would relate to the entertainment industry.  I soon learned thanks to my students.  I had grown up on American Hollywood movies and realized fully their influence and impact on our lives. Going to Hollywood to visit studios teaches all tourists the falseness of Hollywood as the guides let you know immediately the truth about the film making industry.  It is a town of heartbreak for those who want to be a part of that industry.  I was often as starstruck as anyone but when one sees a few stars up close, one realizes that these are ordinary people doing a job that will soon over magnify their own importance in the minds of others. Stardom becomes as phony as the tinsel and the sets which one visits on a studio tour. 

What I did not know is that the writers apparently become chained like slaves to individuals who somehow or other get noticed while walking through the studios, whether it be movies, or t.v. studios.

Writers are like the little birds that come along and steal the seeds right out of your mouth as they then pen it to the pages of the scripts that they pretend to write.  My students are who finally made me wake up to realize that we as a group were being studied and copied by Hollywood. 

My entire youth could be followed on t.v. and in movies.  In the movie the Candidate with Robert Redford, my dress that I wore to school was used on one of the women in the movie. Later, a man told me that it was all on the clothes.  A dress I wore was copied in the movie with Linda Lovelace called Deep Throat.  I was shocked when I saw it. Mine was long while hers was short.  I was under observation as people loved to tell me, and I soon learned that that was a fact, not a rumor.  A dress I wore to LaJolla, California for the March of Dimes, was seen worn by Goldie Hawn.  Actually, that dress was given to me by a friend so I often have wondered, but I have the photo yet of a publicity stunt in which the dress I wore is a match for the one that Goldie wears in a publicity stunt also.

I may as well say yes, that I did sit and listen to a speech given by then Dr.Jonas Salk, who invented the Polio vaccine. That is probably one of the more significant people I have traveled to see for a publicity stunt to help a cause. Another who I met later was Margaret Mead at a conference for women in the Teacher's Union.  The union did pay my fee for that trip to see Margaret Mead. I will credit them when credit is due.









Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Netbooks

This netbook makes life harder for me than it should be on a computer but it does have a few features that work considering it is nearly a year old soon.

Second Thoughts

I was experimenting with the webcam but am going to delete those posts now.  I deleted the posts because I did not like the lack of quality in the photographs, and I did not really want to be reminded of what kind of day this has been after all. 

I have discussed Louis XIV and Alexander the Great a lot. I have not yet learned how to write a blog well but I was experimenting with those pics.  I will try the webcame again with a different book to see what it does with this one.


Well, it is easy to see what is wrong here but I used a larger book with a color photo.  I am going to try to put a black and white on next just to see again how it works.  I wonder at how many people will know who and what this is. I will let it go without identification to see if anyone can i.d. it or not. O.K. I added one of those that I had earlier deleted but again with no i.d. just to see if anyone can i.d. it or not too. 

Some think this is a bit narcissistic, and it probably is.

115 degrees in the sun this afternoon

I had no choice but to go out today.  Wouldn't you know it is another of those extreme heat days. It officially was 113 but it is always is higher than that in the direct sun. I have an outdoor thermometer that reads the true temp for me everyday on my patio. 

I protect myself with an umbrella, an ice block, and a thermos of ice water. Otherwise, I could not survive any of this heat.  It is so dreadful that usually I stay indoors, but when I have to get out, I carry a worn and beaten bag which holds all my necessities.  It is insulated so that it keeps cold cold, and hot hot when that is necessary. 

CVS pharmacy is selling a mister bottle with fan so that tomorrow I may just buy one of those again. I have used them many times in the past, but the ice block is the best way to keep cool. I keep thinking of an invention so that I could sell it to tank sharks and get rich.

An umbrella with mister capabilities would be smart and probably expensive but not too bad.  If it worked, it would not matter the cost. People would buy it to stay cool.  I keep thinking.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

All these novelists

I know that there is a saying that everyone has a book in him. Some actually have more than one, as a man just boasted about needing glasses after publishing his third novel.  I need glasses too, but not due to my writing a novel.

I read the saddest story on mailonline which is a publication from the U.K.  It told of Canadian women who are being ignored when missing.  These women are apparently native Indians who are not of any value, according to the story. The Canadian Mounties are coming under criticism due to the lack of attention given to these women.  There is a road that these women use to walk from place to place, and at least sixteen or seventeen in the past months have been reported missing. 

I think that that story would make a great novel if some detective type writer would want to take it on.  Patricia Cornwall loves to write murder mysteries but hers are all located on the eastern coast of te USA.  I am wondering at what kind of murderous personality it is who seeks these women out when they are so vulnerable.  The article told of a man who had treated these women like pigs and had taken them home to slaughter.  He was discovered. Gruesome, but the beginning of the truth about how little attention was given to any of these women.

Understanding changes

When I am experimenting with my camera, I get different looks.  It is rather difficult to get the right look that one wants to convey.  I suspect I look morose and glum most of the time rather than cheerful and smiley.  But I try to find a smiley look to improve my appearance.  This obviously is not the smiley look.  I am trying to get an eye open appearance instead of always the closed which comes from looking down at the camera. I have not got this business of taking my own image down yet.

Also I do put toner on my hair and am half afraid to let it all grow out. I do not know if I am ready to see just how much white is in my hair now.  That will really put me over the top because it took a lot of convincing to get me to color it when I had let it grow natural.  Now I need to know where it is that I am in amount of white or gray.  Gray is when you have a lot of dark in it still. My sides are pretty much all white.

So who cares? Well, it turns out that everyone who has to look at you does. Believe it or not, our own personal appearance affects everyone around us. It either makes them feel better or worse, all according to how well you take care of yourself.

I admit that I need to lose pounds but I am not working at it. If it happens, it will be in the natural course of time. I frankly doubt that there will be much change in me.  I am not one to ever stick with a diet plan as most are really dumbth. When one's metabolism is changed, I am just letting nature take its course. The reason is that I do not eat that much anyway so why should I deny myself anything anyway,.

I have a belief about life.  It is temporary for each flesh time, and permanent only in the spiritual realm.  I am a believer in the spirit being the more important of the two states of being, so I would rather spend time cultivating that than worrying about a few pounds on bones that are soon to be turned into dust anyway.

I have often talked about my spiritual experiences of which I have more than most people can imagine.  Another occurred the other evening in bed when my cat was sleeping at the foot of the bed. I have not mentioned it because I do not understand it, and I am concerned that anything I say and do is being overheard anyway.  But I saw a sudden flash of light cross the room. I do not know its cause or how it happened. The cat saw it too so that it reacted to it. One value of having a cat in the bed at the time.  I have decided that there are beings all around us as many people claim. However, again that is an unidentified light! 

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Barbara Walters interviews for show on Heaven

Barbara Walters tonight asked the question of where is Heaven and how does one get to Heaven. She interviewed many people in hopes of finding an answer to that question. I sat through the two hour show which was quite entertaining.  Each person has an answer I am certain to that question, whether faithful believer or steadfast cynic and aetheist. She did interview an aetheist as well.

The production was interesting because of the key people who she decided were relevant to the study. She interviewed preachers, the Dalai Lama, Richard Gere, and other persons both famous and unknown.  A child who believes that he has talked with Jesus, a woman who climbed a ladder in a near death experience, and others who likewise believe in their own personal experiences.

The show was not to convert but to inform.  It is a topic that can not be proved by scientific evidence, but stands only on belief, faith, and trust.  It was a worthwhile evening of entertainment and morbid fascination.. She even studied the aspect of Hell, Satan, and the world of music which seems to celebrate that state of existence.

If you can find a video of it, it is worth the time spent.

Computers!

I need a new computer. I want a computer on which I can write my novel with ease and comfort.  That is all for now...

Friday, July 6, 2012

Shocker for me this day

I just learned of two childhood acquaintances who have passed away.  Joyce Donahue Harmon had been a young girl who was in my first grade class at Franklin School.  She was a thin, pretty girl who was quiet and shy in our class.  She had pretty long blonde hair as I remember.  My memory of her is that she played the role of Cinderella in a class play when Miss Armstrong chose her for the lead role. I was one of the ugly stepsisters with Dorothy Vetter and Norma Tinker who was the ugly stepmother if recollection serves me correctly. I am going to find my photos from that group again to put on VW album when I get to it this weekend. What makes Joyce's death unfortunate for me is that I just learned her birthday would be this coming July 24 when I am flying to Durango to see my dad in case he passes soon.  It may be my last chance to talk to him when he is well enough to make conversation.

Art Good is a neighbor who I knew from that same time period.  He lived around the corner from me,   I had once asked his cousin Linda who is who just told me about these two in a post I just received.  He died on the second of July, one day after Joyce's passing on the first.  Art was a class flirt of the kind that is a bit scarey to girls who are on the shy side.  But he married, had a family, and probably turned out o.k.  I had had a bad experience due to him that is played out in the movie Titanic. I reminded him  of it after Linda and I became reacquainted.

May they both rest in peace.  But this has come as a shock to me now.

My opinion on Heaven

I believe that Heaven is within, that one can seek and find it.  I have experienced what I consider to be the truth about Heaven which gave me the knowledge of true humility.  Not humble, but humility.  There is a vast difference.  It came to me. It is a gift. It is perfect love with no jealousy, no sorrow, no envy...notice all that it lacks. It is light, airy, joyous, beautiful, a vibration that takes one into a place where we all really are in a state of peace, fulfillment, and satisfaction.  I can never forget it and I can return to it as I am able to now even discussing it.  It is within one's own being, it is love, it is beauty. It is truth.  It is All, and Final.

Travel

At my age, I can only travel short distances, so that it will be very difficult. So I want to move to Europe for a few months to live there.  That way I can make the choices of where and when to travel in a leisurely manner suiting my old age status.   Short trips will be best for me as I can barely get around this region without tiring easily and quickly.  The trip to Paris wore me out and frankly, when I returned, I did not know if I would ever fly again.  The trip to Colorado will make certain one way or the other whether I am physically able to stand it now.

Changes

I wonder whether anyone ever does read any of my posts.  This is one way of confusing anyone who might think that they can find the previous post again. It is one reason I like this blogspot.  One can delete a post at will.  I often say just what I think. I don't hold back because I know that it is best to be honest, let it hang out, and if something necessitates a delete button, I can use it.  So I have on this post at which I expelled my anger.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Marcello and Alexander

I heard the slam of a door which woke me up immediately!  What the heck!  The bedroom door was closed, so I jumped out of bed to see Marcello, my white half Persian/Siamese cat clawing at the bag of food that I had just placed there.  He was trying to get into that bag.  Some of the cereal had spilled onto the rug and he was furiously eating each bit up as fast as he could.  A hole was at the bottom of the bag so I grabbed the bag, took it into the kitchen, holding the bottom up so no more of the cereal could spill out, and checked his food bowl.  One bowl was empty but the other had cereal in it.  Why didn't he go for that?  No idea, but he had managed to push the door open to get behind it so that he could get to the bag.  No dummy, that cat. He knew right where it was and what he wanted.  Since it was a small bag I stuffed it into the larger bag which is now at empty so that no more of the food would spill out onto the floor. 

Then I had made an appointment to take him to the Vet.  My other cat has had all his shots, been neutered, and weighed and cared for with a veterinarian plan that can be paid over the course of a year.  The plan covered all his shots, neutering, and any medicines that he might need as well as offering discounts.  It was very costly.  When I took Marcello in, I  do not know if he had ever had any shots at all, since Sandra does not take them to the vet but thinks that she can give the shots to them herself.  I don't think that she bothers.  So I just assumed that Marcello had done without. 

Many times I have tried to put him a carrier that I had bought for Alexander when Alexander was just a small kitten.  Alexander has grown so big now that he cannot fit into that carrier.  Each and every time I tried to put Marcello into it, he would not let me put him in.  Surprise! Today just when it was time to go, he suddenly turned angel and went into the carrier without  a murmur.  Don't think that they don't understand.  They are intelligent little kittens and do understand well.

He was as good as gold at the vets. Never gave a murmur when he had his shots. He didn't like have his temp taken and was a bit squeamish but we held him and she got it.  He was in good health, the vet liked his weight and appearance, and found a bit of infection in his ears, so that he has an ointment to use for the next week.  All went  well, and they gave me an estimate of what the cost of neutering will be.  Since they do not do the same procedure as the other hospital, it does not appear to require anaesthesia so that the cost is much lower than the other place where Alexander had his done. 

That makes me very happy.

Poor Alexander. I had no idea what he thought when he was left home alone.  But he was cheered when we got back. I think maybe he felt abandoned.  He and his brother are very close and Alexander allows Marcello to eat his food. Marcello is the more aggressive of the two, but then Alexander will bat him with his paw when he thinks that Marcello is taking advantage of him. I love watching them.  They are very fascinating in the way they behave towards me and each other.  Marcello is a little lover.  Alexander is a bit of a baby yet.  They are both out of the same female cat but they look nothing alike at all.  Alexander is getting very big, long, and wide.  He is utterly beautiful. I now know why people like big animals to hug and hold.  It made me think a lot. Size does matter whether in people or animals. Marcello is smaller and wiry.  The vet's assistant told me to feel his neck.  She could tell that he had been an outdoor cat.  His neck is thick which is what she said is called a tom cat.  I had no idea.  He is strong as steel.  He climbed the front screen one time in an effort to get in.  He is incredibly fast and can jump and leap but does not try it except on the ironing board. Alexander jumps on the counter, on the sink, and on the tables. He loves to run and play. Marcello is too serious. He can't be bothered to play.

Yet he loves to sleep in my bed and before he came, Alexander would come in my bed to walk all over me.  Now he won't do it. He is a bit jealous of Marcello at times.  They are competitive.  I think Marcello now realizes he is home.  He knows he is loved. I am happy.