Trying Times

I did not think that just merely talking to my neighbor at a great distance would result in my catching her cold, but by darn, it did.  She had warned me so I did stay away from her, but those pesky little bugs that fly from one person to another afflicted me so that I came down with this pesky cold.  I waited until tonight before going out to get some medicine to take for it, and am gobbling down vitamin c lozenges faster than you can count.

We are going to get some rain this weekend which will put a damper on my plans because if it rains as predicted I will not drive in it...I would like to go to the races for the Gotham and Swale Stakes in New York but if the rain does hit us hard, I will pass on it.  Not that there is much money to win in those races because most likely the favorites will win...I would be surprised if they don't.

I am entertaining thoughts of going to Las Vegas to see about an apartment there.  I checked out apartments and if I were to win a full year's rent in a game plan in Las Vegas while there sometime this coming month I would seriously consider moving there for good.  After seeing Mario on Jimmy Fallon tonight I thought that it might be a very good idea to try that plan... I am always six of one and half a dozen of another on the prospect of moving. I have more or less decided that I will stay here for another year to move next year after I find the right place, taking my good old sweet time to do it. That is most likely the way I will go because the aspect of moving does not enchant me at all.  However, if rents go up too high here I will surely think about moving as soon as I can...i was told how much my rent would increase so I am prepared but I want to see it in writing first.

I only have April to go and must make a decision by May.

I could save more money in Las Vegas than here, and that is my main motivation...So I am considering what I should do now while I am still relatively able to get around on my own at this old age.

I have all this paper work to go through for my hospital stay.  I have to figure out how I am going to pay for this...But first I must manage the paper work.

My hand is still very stiff in the area where the doctor had to cut to pull out all the bacteria that was in the blood, and I am constantly exercising my fingers both on typewriter which is good for it, and with exercise tools that I received at the hospital.  I also massage my fingers a lot as the therapist showed me how to do.  She was a nice woman as were most of the people I met at the hospital...god, to think how I am going to have to pay for each and every one...ha1  That is a joke if ever I heard one!


I wonder about the actions that Vladimir Putin is pulling in both the Ukraine and in a battle ship resting in Havanna, 200 miles from Miami.  I wonder what he is trying to say to the USA about his intentions...John McCain made some remarks about it on a video that came from CNN today, that is about the battleship in Havanna, not the war in Ukraine.  Putin's soldiers appear to be trying to enforce allegiance to Russia instead of to the West. The entire disturbance is because the protesters did not want tied to Russia so much...I think that Putin should take a hint from the Queen of England when she let Hong Kong go to China instead of staying in British control.  He would do better to let the Ukraine decide their own fate.

The former president of the Ukraine amassed a fortune similar to that of Sadam Hussein and his sons...his excessive greed, especially on cars, is so outrageous as to be unbelievable...Hahaha to the idea that Russians liked the communist philosophy.  Hardly, they were all secretly wanting lives of extreme luxury it would appear. What a joke on the old Soviet Union, and if Putin seriously thinks that those were the good old days, all his so called cohorts are making him look pretty damn foolish if you ask me.

So it goes...my thoughts for the night...Good night all...

Should Jan Brewer, Governor of Arizona, Veto Bill 1062?

Arizona legislators have done something stupid again.  Shooting themselves in the foot is easy for these fool Republicans in this state.  Because some religious members fear that they may be forced to support a community in giving service to them has caused them to protect themselves with a bit of legislation that states they cannot be forced against their will to perform such duties as taking a photograph, baking a cake, or even probably shining their shoes.

This bill is directed at gays and lesbians who have decided to make their voices heard after suffering years of quiet and silent lives, hiding often behind the air of respectability of marriage even, but nonetheless practicing a homosexual lifestyle.

There are nations who punish homosexual behavior in many parts of the world and whose laws regulate such behavior. The USA is undergoing the experience of recognizing this group of people who choose to have romance, sexual cohabitation, and life partnerships with members of the same sex.  Homosexuality is as old as the time of mankind on earth most likely but there are few records to support that claim.

Whether homosexuality is a born condition or a learned condition is a matter of opinion.  People are naturally attracted to one another at early ages, so it is a matter of opinion as to the veracity of born to be homosexuals.  I think most learn it through practice, and then accept it as a matter of course. Sex is one of those things that is taught and so I wonder at how many pedophiles have probably convinced a group of youngsters that they could be good in bed with grown adult men.  Women may be guilty as well, but fewer cases are reported and known to be that of a woman molesting a girl child or even a boy child.

Each religious group has its own beliefs about the teachings of its religious leader...some are more strict than others in interpretation of the Biblical records when it comes to Christian beliefs.  Fundamentalists differ from Episcopals who are known to have accepted homosexual men in their clergy as well as their congregation.  Most Christian beliefs do not accept homosexuality into their faith because of the word fornication...all homosexual behavior is fornication of a kind.

Old Testament does clearly explain that Jehovah God disapproves of homosexual behavior.  Jesus does not ever directly address any matter of sexuality except through marriage and adultery, prostitution as in Mary Magdalene. It is stupid and wrong to think that he would endorse homosexual behavior at all.

So for that reason,  some Christians piously believe that they should deny a homosexual a business opportunity when he asks for one...and that is what the bill is about...that some poor Christian will not be committing a sin against God for helping a homosexual get a photograph, a piece of cake at his or her wedding, or a shoe shined if the shoe shiner knows that a known homosexual is demanding it from him.

In truth, nobody should be forced against their will to provide any business service, and there are times when businesses can say no, I do not want your money in my establishment because it could  become a law suit if you go out into the world and kill someone due to my selling you a gun, a bottle of whiskey, or a machete.   Businesses do have the right to say NO when it is likely that they will be blamed for giving a drunk too much to drink, or putting a gun into the hands of a killer, etc.etc.etc.

So in the end, reason should be the answer to this.  Homosexuals should learn who is friendly to them and who is not.  Just stay away from those who disapprove and go to the next baker, photographer, or gun dealer..what ever...but making Arizona business men look like idiots planting signs saying we serve everyone is just as banal and stupid as is saying We only serve Americans which I have seen in New Mexico restaurants.

Life is rough in this USA.   So, hopefully, Governor Jan Brewer will just say No to Bill 1062, and Veto it.  Life will resume as ever...We only serve Americans  in this restaurant...Foreigners stay home!  We don't want your rubles, pesos, or pounds!

Oscar Time

Originally, the Oscars were a means to keep young stars, actors and actresses, under control by the movie industry.  You might call the Oscar the lollipop that moms and pops give to their kids as reward for good behavior.  Give the kid a piece of candy to shut him up or at best pacify him for a while. So it is with Oscar.  Since in the early days, stars were not paid as well as today's stars, the Oscars were designed to manipulate and control the young artists in the industry.

I read that somewhere...not making it up.

Anyway, this Sunday night, another generation will wait in anticipation to see if their peers awarded them the coveted prize for playacting, and scene stealing in a flick, that piece of celluloid designed to hold audiences fast for two to three hours in a darkened theatre.

I overcame the starstruck status years ago when I finally lived in the Hollywood area and visited all the studios to learn some of the secrets that are shared to the many visitors who trek through lala land.

Children grow up learning how to play act early in life.  In first grade, I played two different roles in our class. I was at one time one of the three step sisters of Cinderella as Joyce Donahue was selected to play the role of the lead, and Norma Tinker, Dorothy Vetter, and I were the stepsisters and step mother somehow or other.  Norma and I ended up as co partners in editor ship of the high school newspaper..I also played the part of the Wind when I had to carry a basket across the room in another short play.  I always relate to the wind ever since Miss Armstrong chose me to play that part.

So early in life, we learn how to be someone other than ourselves.

Turning pro to become big time movie actors and actresses is something that only the very photogenic can do well.  There was a time when only the very beautiful in face and figure could possibly be considered for a starring role, but for comedy and horror films, the ugly and the deformed could find  a place to shine in Hollywood flicks.

Those days have disappeared.  Today, ordinary can become star fodder as there are not many truly beautiful faces performing in Hollywood any longer.  Gone are the Rhonda Flemings, the Elizabeth Taylors, the Ingrid Bergmans, the Arlene Dahl's...now we have wannabe's and they will all hate me because I do not find the current crop including Cate Blanchette, Sandra Bullock, and even Emma Thompson as beauties...pretty maybe, attractive, but not Hollywood beauty perfect as those who starred int he 40's.  Bette Davis was never a beauty nor was Barbara Stanwyck but they did find work and acceptance for their unusual looks that seemed to captivate.

As for acting capabilities...nobody ever really cares...that is for  the broadway stage where the voice and performance does matter.  The huge screen is for closeups and for physical appearances, not for delivery or for great acting talents...does anyone care whether Robert Redford could act, or Paul Newman, or Clark Gable?  Not on your life...So  it is with young Leonardo diCaprio...he can emote all he wants, but he is really wanted just to be another pretty face that some young girls will adore so that they can spend their bucks on his face looming across the screen...ditto with George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and Matt Damon...Acting...none of them know how to do it such as Lawrence Olivier, Richard Burton, and a host of other British who were on stage before hitting the big screen.

None of them were eye candy though...but they could at least dramatize a bit.

So what difference does the Oscar make?  Only to those who sit in that audience and think falsely to themselves that this means that they are liked and loved in the industry...Sally Fields shouting, You like me, you like me...to an audience who just managed to find her transference from Flying Nun on t.v. to bona fide actress of some merit on big screen.  Wonder who those voters were who decided that...anyway, that is Hollywood's perception...to win means that you are liked...

Guess Matthew McConahey is most liked this year because for sure he is getting all the attention and votes in Golden Globes and Screen Actors Guild awards so expect that he will get Oscar too.

And he is one who isn't the pretty boy type so that is probably why he will join the ranks of another who did get it being ugly as sin...remember Jack Palance doing pushups for his win?

Yes, ugly pays now and then...So no matter what, it is a night of revelry for the stars who play make believe, living their lives as though they were someone else.

Wonder why I did not get an award for being the Wind?  Just a gentle breeze instead of a tornado or hurricane I guess.  I was too light when crossing that stage...

 I always take comfort in knowing that songs were written then...The Wayward Wind, They call the Wind Mariah...Windsong perfume even...can't get you out of my mind...A Gentle little breeze...etc.etc.  forget bag of wind, cutting wind, dumb little fart!  Oh well, nothing like a good wind now and then...and so that ended my career as an actress on stage...

yet I was once tagged as Miss Photogenic in California...it all depends on the photographer...not the subject...remember that folks...it is the person behind the camera who determines the end result of a photo.

So why don't cameramen get credit for their work in Hollywood?  Thus, endeth this exercise in today's purging my thoughts on paper.

Ken Curtis "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" Festus Country

Burl Ives - The original recording of Ghost Riders In The Sky

Roy Rogers - Happy trails

Jealousy about famous historical figures

When I was in high school, I was a history whiz! I have a retentive memory and made it to the scholarship team which is an aspect of Ohio education. I competed with other students in the state on something so simple as regurgitation of facts about history in both World ad America. I have those papers yet to this day proving that I was a student in 10th and 11th grades.

But I loved biology, was lousy at math and chemistry, so I ended up doing what came naturally, reading and writing to become an English major in literature.  I also had to take a number of creative writing classes.  The most important professor who influenced me about writing was a criminology professor at which time emphasized the importance of the novel and its impact on society.

 I never thought much about historical figures. I had had my favorites when young.  Little is really taught or known about many of these important people in history who made it into the hall of fame forever...unless one goes in depth to learn all that advanced studies in history teaches about them.

I was a fan of Tom Jefferson when I was young because he was such a man of the people. I liked his temper, his love of people, and his unique genius mind.  I preferred him to all the others at that time in my life because it was the information fed into my mind then that influenced me about his life.  He had been a fiery personality who had gumption and courage it seemed to me.  Later, when I learned more about him, I changed my opinion of him a lot I will admit.

To me, George Washington appeared too stiff and formal to be likable.  He was a soldier,  a warrior, a surveyor, a man's man, and not really very likable to my thinking but I loved his wife Martha then.  I had had a hat made for me that looked like one that Martha had worn.  My mother made it and I was proud to wear it.

Years later, I came to know George Washington in a way that was totally unique and unusual for me, so that I eventually collected a large amount of books about him that I had not read until I was in the position of wanting to know more about him personally.  I am forever amazed at all that I learned about him as a man, a soldier, a husband, and a president.  I now favor him over all presidents and forefathers that this nation has because I have learned so much about his personal sacrifice and dedication to the cause of the young American nation.

While I do not appear to be as interested in him as I seem to be interested in Alexander the Great, or Louis XIV, that is because I studied him so much early on, made a trip to Virginia to learn all that I could know, and thus, am satisfied in my knowledge of him and his lifetime...He is an important person in our nation's history and we can never repay our debt to him as American citizens. We can only be grateful that his was a destiny that included all of us now.

Because of George, I came to understand a wee bit about this thing called soul.  Soul is a word that is so often misused and misunderstood since we associate it only with church and the salvation of souls.

Why does any religious body care so much about soul?  It is a lesson that we learn but seldom know its true meaning.  

So in my soul searching I came to learn of many distinguished historical warriors of the past.  Why always warriors and why always world leaders or national leaders?  The soul knows of course, but mankind does not really know at all.

What do cromagnon man, the hunter, Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, Julius Caesar, Louis XIV, and George Washington all share in common besides being a parr of some world history test and some world history book?  Much more than one would think as it turns out.  Each one in his own way lives in the world of soul and spirit and each one shares in common lives that are narrow in scope and in intent.  Of what purpose are they to the world?  Why is that they are celebrated in colleges and universities in courses of study?  Why is it that thousands are attracted to their stories to write books, poetry, plays, films, and other forms of art, busts, paintings, etc.?  What is it about them that captures the imagination so much?

Why is it that people become so devoted, so jealous, and so protective that if one happens to glean a bit of information about them that is different or unusual that these protectors feel threatened and hurt when this information comes to light?

I have been perplexed so often by people who deny another person the right to having personal knowledge about any and all of these historical figures.  I am saying unequivocally that for some reason the gods that be permitted me to learn of these men in a way that I know them now as a part of myself to realize the truth about an aspect of their soul that has been exposed to me.  But that is a threat to people who have made them heroic beyond measure in their minds.  I have had the brickbats of hatred thrown at me for daring to speak up about these experiences...amazing to me that such personal hatred is a part of a learning experience about a person long since dead and buried and only a brief word in a history book.

Yes, these men are significant and important and are often over-rated and/ or under-rated according to the national history in which he lived.  Movies and books have been written which are obvious distortions and often a false presentation of that person but so long as financial gain can be achieved through the examination of their bones and their lives so it will continue to be as long as history survives the planet.

For me, it is a study of soul.  What great soul is it that has to perform the deeds that these men performed?  Why is it that I have had the liberty and good fortune to encounter these souls in a meaningful way for me to know each one of them?

I have the answer to that but I will keep it to myself...It is only for me to know the truth at this point in time about that.  The veins in that horse that I rode when propelled back in time are very important to me to know which nation of the world is a friend to know.  Thank you, Elena, for your timeliness, and thanks to all who have helped me in this journey of the soul...God bless.

Rambling thoughts

So many hours in the day.  Using time effectively is one of the most important things that one can do for one's self to make one's self happy and fulfilled.  Sadly, in my opinion, all the ways to make time of any value means that one has to have a lot of money.  If I want to  paint, I need a canvas, brushes, oils, and even an easel...that costs plenty.  If I want to cook, I need a stove, electricity to operate it, food, utensils, pots and pans, and all that costs money to have.  Same story for music, reading, writing, and physical exercise...all require items that cost money...Money in the end is what makes life fulfilled and complete, like it or not.

There is a song that says I cannot live without you...and frankly to me, that you is MONEY!

Even to operate this computer, it took money to buy it, money to make the wifi connection, and money to utilize the printing aspect of it if I use it.  Money, money, money.

Yet I am one of the few who does truly believe in God...not wishing and hoping that all this talk is true about God, but in fact that God does exist, does reveal himself (him not being anything but id. God has no sex in my opinion.) and God can make something out of nothing...I have witnessed that so I don't just believe it. I affirm it and know it.

God today is more important to me than God yesterday in the life of Jesus Christ. God in the form of the Holy Ghost does more for mankind today than God did when using Jesus to teach and instruct his kinsmen and neighbors.  

Yes, there is a movie on Jesus coming out. It is a Hollywood flick which  frankly has never impressed me but as being a distortion of reality.  It looks good so far.  Will it be? Who is to know?

But Jesus left so that the Holy Ghost could work in men's lives. I believe and know that God does live now in the present and does affect all our lives when we open our hearts and minds to it.  Closed minds, just like closed doors, shut things out that could enter if permitted.

I am still struggling today, all because of money. I cannot do many of the above things that I have mentioned just due to the fact that I do not possess the kind of money it takes to do all those things.

How can I amass that kind of money to realize some of my hopes and dreams? I am working on it.  I will see it through until I do finally reach that goal...that is all I can say for now.

Son of God movie

The Son of God movie trailer has been published just previous to this post.  I just learned of this movie though it has been on the trailer lists for months.  Tom Reynolds shared the news tonight and I checked out the trailer and other sites that are promoting this film of Jesus's life.  It is well done in the trailer version.  It will be interesting to see how it is received worldwide.

One line stood out for me and that was the statement that the pure of Heart shall see God.

Son of God Movie Trailer 2014 - Official [HD]

Sochi Olympics

The Olympic games are reminders that we forget more than we remember about days gone by. Until reminded tonight, I had forgotten about the Olympic games which had been played in Los Angeles some years ago. I had not watched any of those games for some reason or other which I realize that I have now forgotten. But I was in a snit about something regarding those games and yet cannot recall now what it is. I suspect it was due to my being angry about being bugged all the time and holding Los Angeles somewhat responsible for it all.  But right now, it is all a dull memory of times past.

Looking ahead to 2018 is most unpleasant for me to contemplate because I will be 78  going on 79 then and not liking the looks of that.  I do not like the aging process when it gets into the very senior age status.  But if I am alive and well then, I will look forward to seeing them played in Seoul, Korea.

In 2016 Brazil will host the summer olympic games. Someone tonight suggested that we should all go to the games at least once...Brazil is a possibility and as it is such a pretty place, it would be interesting to make that one if able.  Only 2 years to go for that so it might be feasible.

But i had also wanted to go to the Kentucky Derby until I learned the cost of a single ticket.  Of course, one can go in general admission price and just stand somewhere but one would get lost in the crowd.  The infield is apparently for those who are short on funds...but even those tickets are too high priced for me to stand around in a field of people never able to get near a ticket booth.

So it looks as though I will go to either Las Vegas or California to take in this year's Derby game.  But if I get a big huge win of some kind that would put me in the easy money street, I would still consider it if I could get a few friends to spend time there with me.

The cost of the Olympic games will be horrendous too but it might be fun to experience the games in person in Brazil.  Will keep that as a potential goal.

Sunday time- Silly Arizona bill discussed here

It has been exactly three weeks since Marcello bit into my hand, and I am still nursing it back to health. It always looks better in the morning than at night.  I was a bit worried last night but put some vaseline jelly on it too.  Petroleum jelly.  I will use some tea tree ointment tonight as well.  I am hoping that a month from now it is all forgotten.

But for now, I decided to stay in to give it a rest as yesterday I did get out.  Maybe stress is not good for it so today is for relaxation and calm.

I am going to discuss Senate bill 1062 I believe it is, a bill that is supposed to protect religious people who are in business from being forced against their will to accommodate themselves to persons who they deem sinful or worse...tools of the devil.

Satan or the devil is a serious problem in Arizona since the state university uses the Sun Devil as its mascot. I am wondering if all those people from Chandler are likely to deny ASU students their business if they come in wearing their mascot so proudly as most do. I find this entire thing so ridiculous and hypocritical as to be astonishing.

i am one who actually does protest the use of demons or devils as school mascots, having lived in Durango where demons are the mascot and Arizona where Sun Devils are the mascot.  Nothing like admitting that hell is everywhere in the USA for in Michigan the Blue Devils are the Fenton mascot.

Devil's night is practiced every halloween.  Do these same people who wish to protect themselves want to abolish halloween too?

I ask you.  These legislators are too stupid to be in office if you ask me.  To be threatened for wanting a cake decorated to celebrate a gay lifestyle is tantamount to ridiculous since most of Hollywood, most of American life has long watched t.v. comedians and even school programs foster such things as men in drag, women posing as men, and boys playing girls parts and girls playing boys parts in school dramatizations when either sex is in short supply.

To be so hung up about sexual orientation shows a kind of weakness in a person that is truly strange under the circumstances.  How isolated can anyone be to think that one has not been overexposed to the Flip Wilson's who played Geraldine, the comedy of Sid Caesar, or Milton Berle, or Johnny Carson, etc.etc.etc. who all appear in drag at some time or other in one of their comedy shows...did that make them gay?  Maybe, but did anyone bother to care if they were or not...all we wanted was a good laugh at their expense.

So Arizona, and especially Governor Jan Brewer, wake up and smell the coffee before it is too late. Do not make a continued fool of this state any longer.  We do not need this kind if idiotic fear mongering about cakes, queers, gays, and transvestites....Most of us are adult enough to know how to handle this...It is past time that our legislators act as if they are adults too.

The week that was

This past week has been horrendous in many ways...it is over so I should just let it go.

But having the olympic games on made it pass somewhat easily...I enjoy most of the olympic games but for some stupid reason NBC decided this past week to sandwich Jimmy Fallon in so that the late night shows were all tape delayed...annoyed me a bit.  To top it off, then tonight, for some stupid reason, they had to stick some sitcom in before the news and after the olympics which once again pushed the late night show back a lot.  What is the matter with that network anyway?

I went to Turf Paradise for probably the last time this afternoon but it was good to go to see what was happening there.  I did not change my game plan despite my intent to do so. Once there, I realized the futility in doing that.  I will have to make total changes by changing venues soon in order to achieve my goals.

I did check out cost of Kentucky Derby seating tickets and was astonished at the prices of tickets there in Kentucky. I would not go for any reason to see that there at that high price...the lowest grandstand tickets are $245. for a single ticket. I find that outrageous.  The general admission infield tickets are absurd at $73 for some tickets...Unbelievable to me that they can get those prices...not on your life would I do that.

Probably will go to Las Vegas for that...

Olympic Games and Homosexuals

The Olympic Games have been located in Russia where there is a law in Russia regarding homosexuality.  Many Olympians are known to be practicing homosexuals and so some are annoyed at the Russians who have stern laws regarding the behavior in that country.  Russia is not the only country which feels so strongly about homosexual behavior.

It truly astonishes me to find so many homosexuals at such young ages who believe that this is to be their lifestyle for the remainder of their lives.  I know of homosexuals who had been married early in their youth but who became homosexual late in life.  Just as many who are homosexual also make changes to become heterosexual later in life as well.

I admit that I do not understand homosexual behavior at all.  I have always been a person attracted to the opposite sex, and have had a long history of falling in love and then out of love with many different men.  A belief in reincarnation may mean that some of those men had been partners in previous lifetimes, and while my short term relationships were always short, they had been very intense and long lasting in terms of memory.  I did not go so far as to commit to marriage because I am a person who takes vows too seriously to want to bind myself to any one person for a long term commitment.

I don't pretend to give advice to the lovelorn.  Life is too complex for a single person to mete out advice on love and marriage.

I escaped marriage many times as I had opportunities several times, and was about to tie the knot when something somehow or other made me think twice as it did my partner as well. Once upon a time, we were headed to get a marriage license but then backed out of it...thank Heaven for that...I do not regret backing out of that prospect at all as he was ac/dc and I knew it at the time but it had not really mattered.  He was a great bed partner for all of that but he was also living off a man while bumming off me as well...not a good arrangement for a marriage...one of my 3 R's I had here in Arizona years ago.  But he was good looking, sexy, and fun to be with for awhile. I ended up telling him to get out of my life and to stay out of it...He did. I have done that more than once to several men who did not know how to handle me well.

In those days, I had red hair...sparkling sherry.  After JFK was killed, I would not wear red hair ever again.  But I look good as a redhead, believe it or not...my natural hair had a lot of red in it when I was young...I went blonde then for all my time in Southern California...Playing the role for all my students then...Barbara Mandrell once did a good imitation of me on her t.v. show when I had been silly enough to ride a donkey in donkey basketball games...she copied the hat I wore...I always said she was the one who probably physically resembled me the most in size and appearance at that time.

At Gladstone we were well aware that t.v. entertainment shows were using us as role models for their shows...some liked it, some did not. Dick Salveson, a principal, told me it was just to see if we could laugh at ourselves....I laughed a lot when it was Carol Burnett in her charwoman act...cleaning up the floor...mopping up...on her knees...charlady.  almost like Charylene.  East North East.

My Alexander Novel

I have always been the type who does not want to overplay my hand, and while I have already written a rough first draft which I have kept to use in succeeding drafts, I am beginning an entirely different approach to this novel about the Alexander that I have come to know.

I admit that I learn more about him each time that I decide to write this story, and it interests me a lot to finally see all that comes out about it.

But while writing of Philotas, I was able to identify the persons who I believe today had been those two in the time period of Alexander.  I have always believed that my mother was Philip, Alexander's father ( she thinks it more likely to be her father) but I am pretty sure due to an event that occurred when we were together in our house that she had been Philip.  I also have always believed my dad to have been Kleitos the black, as there are many Kleitos, (a name as common as Bill) Kleitos was known for his hair color...he had hairy arms and legs as well, and it is those hairs that tipped me off to the fact that he became my dad, and also their statements which are so much alike...law of repetition occurs in reincarnation.  So it came as no surprise when I finally learned that Parmenio and Philotas are people I have long known in the state of Michigan, and the fact that it is who they are amused me so much that it will affect how I see the characters of Parmenio and Philotas from now on. I believe that reincarnation may be a fact in our lives but that it is probably best that people never learn who they had been in the past except for a rare few who can deal with it in a sensible and sane way.  I have learned of identities of people from the past in several different time periods but I have not told any but family members and one friend who I think they may have been.

People tend to think one is crazy, a nut case, etc. when one does discover one's own past life, and if it is an illuminary of some kind, people think that one is only seeking fame and attention for it...It is the price one pays for having been so famous...everyone thinks you are a bit dotty for thinking that about yourself.

So, on that note, I can only say too bad for them that they do not respect truth better than that, but so it goes...the world is full of ignorant and foolish people.

I did confide in both my dad and my mother. My mother is always a much better receiver than my dad had ever been. He scoffed naturally but I did let him know about it...As it turns out, I had killed him in the past life but I also realized that I had killed both Parmenio and Philotas too, but with the army's support and decision process....Alexander at first did not intend to kill Philotas until fully convinced of his guilt.  I see it all rather amusing today considering who Parmenio and Philotas seem to be to me in this lifetime.  I do not think either of them capable of wanting to kill Alexander at any time...both trust me implicitly I know for a fact.

Kleitos does not get killed by Alexander until after the trial of Philotas so I will take that into account...I will soon be back to writing that story again. It is just amazing to me to see what life is like for those of us who eventually learn of our previous lifetimes....in my case, it is God's will be done.  For some reason, I was compelled to learn of it to learn God's will for me...I believe that yet.

Recovery from Catbite

My hand is much improved. I do give credit to God for this as I believe that God made a personal appearance to me in my apartment when water appeared from nowhere to be found on top the stove, and then onto the kitchen floor.  I reacted to this phenomena in many ways.  I recorded some of the water on film and have a record of it at Facebook where I shared it for others to see. i did not state there that I think it a supernatural visit from God but the implication was there. It is very hard for people who do not believe in God to accept that thought but I am certain of it.  I had some fun watching water formations like cloud formations, and then when a paper towel was placed on it, I realized it is a connection, and somehow I think it had to do with the computer and apple as well.

I did remember the tales of Our Lady of Lourdes. There was no sound heard from this water phenomena. I did tell management who sent John the maintenance man to repair anything that needed repairing. He found a long time leak in the faucet so he put in a new o ring for me.  That no longer leaks but I knew it had nothing to do with the water on the floor. It has finally stopped altogether but it had appeared yesterday morning at which time I noted its shape without taking a photo of it, and I mopped it up.  That is the last I have seen it.

Because of our Lady of Lourdes I actually did put some water on my wounds...I believe that God is healing and curing my hand and probably my soul as well.  God knows what is in my heart, and I gave a prayer of thanksgiving this morning for his presence being known to me and valued by me. I love God very much, and am very grateful to this phenomena.  I believe in it.

I have always believed that God works through me, that I am a tool for God's way, and that many times, I am used to fulfill God's will.  God is a word to denote a powerful entity that is within each and every one of us...depends upon language skills and communication skills on how we fathom this great power within and without and all around us. I experienced the depth of perfect love one time in Sacramento, California where I looked down upon then Governor Jerry Brown in a special session that he had called about schools in California.  I fell into a state of Perfect Love that convinced me of the love that is spoken of in Corinthians...Love is long suffering, knows no jealousy, no sorrow...love is perfect in and of itself, a state of being in which we all hope to dwell....I realized how young and light that love of that nature truly is...it is the joy of my life!  I pray that we will all dwell in that wonderful state for all eternity....but only a moment of it which for me lasted a long time is enough to satisfy me that it is all real and true...I was younger than springtime for a long time as it is a vibration to which one ascends...May all our souls join together in that wondrous place when God so gifts us...It is truly a gift...I did nothing to deserve it but I realized what it was...I am always thankful that I journeyed to Sacramento to see the governor at that time...

I had been searching for my soul mate...Love of that kind that I experienced there is so soul satisfying that I can only be happy for that day that I learned of it...It has given me great peace ever since despite the fact that I only rarely ever ascend into that angelic state of being...Sounds almost like a song from Kismet to me...

Peace. Live and love...My hand is healing well...but I have a doctor's appointment Friday to see how it will be treated then...I liked the gentleness of the assistant to the surgeon...Doug Drake I guess his name is. He was very gentle with me...I like him a lot.

The works of the Pavillon Dufour

What a difference a day makes.

I am actually feeling better all  the time now that it is a full two weeks since this dreadful experience occurred. I was last night worrying about Marcello, fearing that he could be in trouble. I am hoping that he is not frightened, scared, or homeless, but that someone has taken him in somehow if in fact he is alive. I have wondered where he could be, whether he has been taken in by the shelters, or what...but my vision of him was negative and it worried me a lot.  I cannot do anything about it but I wish I knew...that is all I can for now...I am feeling so bad about it all.

New first draft of new approach to novel

Alexander sat at his desk, reading through all the papers that he had assembled once he had learned of the assassination plot against him.  He was dressed in formal attire for this occasion.  He even had on his military cuirass,  and had placed his helmet atop the desk.  His greaves lay alongside the desk as if going to battle.  In a sense, he felt as though he was about to engage in battle.  This was the most distasteful and hurtful event that he had encountered, far worse than any physical battle against an enemy.  Here was his lifelong friend from childhood being accused of treason against him.  He reshuffled the papers. They dated back to Egypt when a previous plot had been exposed to him with Philotas implicated then.  Once again, he was facing the fact that Philotas could be conspiring against him.

He had to interrogate Philotas before he could ever ask his companions and army for a judgement for or against the once second most powerful commander in the army.  Alexander had entrusted Philotas with the most important duties in his campaign, second only to his father Parmenio.  Alexander contemplated why it would be now that he had to deal with this ugly situation of a traitor within his midst, right next to him at all times.  Had he been so blind not to see that Philotas was secretly envious, secretly humiliating him?  Alexander had been beside himself when he first learned of this act of omission which Philotas had committed.  He was seething inside to think that after all that he had done for Philotas, that all that he had entrusted to him, that all that he had given to him, that he would dare betray him to an enemy who wanted to kill him.

Most galling of all was the fact that Philotas had known of the conspiracy, and did nothing to warn or alert Alexander to the danger around him.  Did Philotas secretly want Alexander dead?

Alexander was a muscular man, a powerful man.  He ran his hands through his long golden silky hair, frowning at the accumulation of guilt surrounding Philotas.  He must first give Philotas the news that he had become aware of this treasonous act, listen to his explanations, and then take it to Craterus and Hephaestion.  He realized that he needed more than one opinion.  Perhaps between the two of them, Craterus and Hephaestion could help him to make the correct decision about Philotas’s betrayal.

While Alexander reread the accounts of the drama that unfolded, he thought back to when he first met Philotas as a child. He remembered the young boy who was so tall and gangly at the stables where they had met.  

Scene two.

Alexander was three years old and loved to play at the stables where he could feed the horses who were stationed there.   He liked to feed a special horse grain from his hand, feeling the rough tongue lick the palm of his hand.   Parmenio had brought Philotas to the stables that day, so he approached Alexander to meet his oldest son.  

“Hey Philip, let me introduce Philotas to Alexander,” he cried out, noting that the general was in a stall nearby.  

Philip raised his head, nodded at Parmenio, and walked out of the stall to look down at a tall and gangly Philotas who was only four years old.   “Why, hello there, Philotas…So your papa finally decided to bring you to the stables.  He is set upon training you for the military, I can tell.” as he reached out to touch the young boy.  Philotas hung back, a bit shy with the tall, dark haired man who was peering down at him.

“Papa says you are the greatest general ever!” Philotas said stammering a bit.

Philip laughed at that…”Does he now?   And I say that about him too…We are quite a pair, my little fellow.”

“Alexander…Come here. I want you to meet Philotas and Pamenio.” Philip shouted loudly.

Alexander looked at the horse in front of him, studied the grains in his hand, and said quietly to the horse, “ I have to go now.  My father is calling me.  I have to see what he wants..”  He patted the horse gently on the nose since the horse was still licking his other palm.  “I’ll be back soon, I promise.”  He said softly, and then scampered away to slow down to see General Pamenio and a tall, gangly boy looking at him.

Philotas was dressed smartly.  He was only a year older but had an air of superiority that made him seem older.  His hair was curled tightly around his face so that he looked as though he were  groomed to attend a special event.  He stood proudly next to his father while he watched Alexander walk towards them.  He was well aware that Alexander was the darling of the court, that he was the pride of Macedonia, but he did not want to appear as though he were impressed with that.  He wanted to be recognized for his own qualities so that he did not appear to defer to Alexander.  Alexander noticed that Philotas seemed  indifferent and a bit nonchalant when Parmenio finally said, “ Oh, here is Alexander.  Philotas, one day you and he will be commanding the army.  Just as King Philip and I do now.    This is Prince Alexander of Macedon.  He is your future ruler.”

At that, Philotas looked steadily at Alexander, and said, “I am happy to meet you, Prince Alexander.”  

Alexander stood at attention, realizing that he was not nearly as impressive in his appearance as Philotas, and said quietly, “ Hello Philotas.  Welcome to my home.”

He reached out to the boy to say, “Come with me.  I will show you the horses that are stabled here.”

Philotas grabbed his hand, squeezed it tightly, and turned to his father to say, “ I am going with Alexander. He is going to show me around.”

Parmenio looked at Philip to say, “ I believe that they will become great friends, Philip.  They will lead our armies long after we are gone.”  

Philip laughed aloud.  “That will be a long time but yes, I am hoping that Philotas will become as great a commander as you are now, my dear friend.  I hope that he and Alexander will always be together.  We shall see to it, won’t we?”

“I am always at your side, my king,” responded Parmenio.  “I hope that Aelxander and Philotas will have a long friendship such as we have had.”

Scene 3.

Philotas looked down at Alexander, saying in a bit of disdain,” So you are going to become the Kind of Macedon?  You are younger than I am.  I am taller than you are, and I am wondering whether you will be able to command me.  Don’t you think that you are a bit small to do that?”

Alexander looked at him steadily.  “Philotas, we have just met.  I may be small, but I am going to become the bravest, boldest ruler that Macedon ever had.  You had better remember that.”

Philotas replied back to him, “ We will be together always, Alexander.  I will be at your side all the time.  I know who your father is. My father talks about him all the time. He even talks about you.  I promise to be there for you, but I will have to wait until you are fit to rule me.  Right now, I don’t believe that you can.”

Alexander thought to himself, so that is what he thinks of me.  I am glad that he is honest and direct with me.

Aloud he said, “ Philotas, just because I am younger and smaller now, I  will be like my father one day.  You will see.”

“In what way, Alexander?, replied Philotas.  “ A soldier or a king?”

“ I am probably as good as you are right now, and maybe even better, but we will have to find that out, won’t we?”  Alexander answered.  I am son of Zeus you know.  Hercules and Achilles are my ancestors…don’t you know that yet?  Hasn’t my mother made that known to everyone?”

At that Philotas laughed aloud,” Oh, so that is what makes you important to yourself.  You really listen to your mother, don’t you?  She has told your all those old stories of your family.  I know those stories better than you think, Alexander.  If it is true, then you will really have to prove it to me.  I expect you to be the biggest and the best then.  Do you really think that you can live up to Zeus? Or Achilles?  Or Hercules?  Come on, little guy!  You are really little right now and seem to be on some kind of journey…The gods will guide us, and we will obey the gods, but just because you are born from them means nothing if you cannot live up to them.”

“You are right, Philotas.  I have to be better than them.  But remember  this also.   As long as you are in my army, you will have to live up to me then too.  Don’t forget that either.” Alexander responded petulantly.

“Oh, so that is it.  I will have to live up to YOU.  That makes me want to do it.  I will see about that somehow.  We will have to train together then, starting today…If that is all right with you and your father,” Philotas replied.

Alexander thought.  “I will ask Philip myself that you be able to train with me.  I want to be sure that you are as good as your father has been.”

Philotas said, “ Maybe we can be friends.  I don’t know. Your father and mine are friends.  We will have to learn to be friends together, Alexander.  But don’t remind me of your connection to Achilles and Hercules all the time.  We think that your mother puts too much credit to it.  I don’t like it myself.  It maks me nervous to think that any of us has to be like one of the gods.”

Alexander said, “ That is the real difference between us then. Philotas, I am proud and happy to be one of the gods.  I revere the gods. I shall become one of them.  My mother is right about me. I will do her honor. You shall see.”  With that, he said, “ Let us go back to your father now, Philotas.  We have talked enough for today.  We will have to see how well we work together to know if our time together is that of friends.”

Tone of voices would be in children's style of speech...some editing must be done, but this is what I was given when writing this material from my solar plexus...just an aside here.

Another experiment

I am trying to use voice on this blog tonight. This is an experiment to see how it will work.

There is water on the floor again. It was a narrow Long Strip with a large look like a head at the end of it so it made me think of a giraffe. I put a paper towel on it and it turned into A circle with a semi circle on top of it. It looks like an apple.

I don't know what to do. There is no way that anything is  leaking from a pipe.

Should I tell management  who does not understand?

Or should I just keep it to myself?

I don't want them to tear up the floor for no good reason.

So far this voice dictation method has worked. Thank you.

Learning to use Scanner

I am finally able to get old photos onto the computer via a scanner.  I tried it for the first time tonight and succeeded in getting some photos on it.  Most are my own family album pictures which I had had since childhood.  So I can only include what I have.

REINCARNATON

Slowly, one learns things about reincarnation that makes one realize things that are often strange and puzzling.  I finally learned last night the identity of two more of Alexander's cohorts when he was leading his army around the Asian world.  I learned who Philotas and Parmenio are in this lifetime, and it made me laugh so hard I could hardly believe it. And it all makes sense to me. I have been writing about the trial of Philotas as he is one big huge pain in the neck in this story.  I have thought of many people who are a lot like him but when I finally realized the truth it made me laugh hysterically. I receive information from my spirit guide who is unerringly correct now that I think I know who my spirit guide in this case is as well.  I get hints that finally led me to the truth...It is so funny that I don't dare to divulge it...to think that big warriors of the past can become sweet little ladies of the present is very funny to me.  Yes, Philotas and Parmenio are two women who I know very well, mother and daughter in fact...easy to figure once you know the truth but probably best that nobody but myself ever learn of this...it is that funny and so very obvious...It changed my entire outlook on the story that I am about to tell.  I am very close to both.  So it is best that people who believe in reincarnation probably accept the present for what it is and let the past be hidden within as it likely stored within to let the present play out.

That's all for now...Just penning this now to keep a date on this revelation as well.  Very interesting and helps to explain why the daughter always displayed so many jealous comments and attitudes about me....very interesting to me now.

Water in my kitchen

Today I met our new manager as i had a package waiting for me, and I then had to discuss the problem of the water on the kitchen floor.  I picked up my package and then explained about the water.  People who know me for a long period of time know that I have been having all kinds of mysterious things happen all around me, so why is this one any different from the others?  It is not really any different in some respects, but it did go so far as for me to tell the manager about it. I had told Nancy about the events surrounding the toilet seat with the litter on top of the seat, but I had not told but the people in my immediate circle about the lights that had appeared at night in the apartment at the Monaco.

So I first noticed a lot of water on the stove one day, and I wondered how on earth water got there on the stove in the area between the burners.  It was a large amount of water, and I had not used anything that had water in it so I did not know how it got there.

I cleaned it up.  Then I began to notice water on the kitchen floor, and I actually did take photos of it which in it appeared a light similar to what had happened in the apartment at Monaco.

The water seemed to appear on the floor at night and it was near the sink area...Each time though it moved about.  But when I put a pan down to catch any if it were leaking, nothing happened.  I put a paper towel down and nothing happened.  But next night I noticed that there was some water in the pan but it was far away from anything that could drip into it so I decided once again that it was spontaneous water...It seemed to be on the far right and on the floor appeared another water spot on the far right...

Then I got a post from my cousin Danny about Biblical teachings regarding the left and the right.

Fish from the right to get a lot of fish...

Next night it was a flood of water on the floor because when I walked into the kitchen I had stepped into it and found it spread around across the far eastern part of the flooring...I mopped it up, grumbling, as I had already decided that maybe it was holy water, and had actually even put some of it on my hand hoping it would cure it.  The hand did get better and I also take all my antibiotics as I am supposed to do, but I did decide it could be holy water of some kind...But with so much it became a nuisance...I had excessive amount and realized that i would have to talk to management.

What a pain that was.  She listened to me discuss it as it is hard to do.She decided it was a leak and that she would have maintenance come look at it.  He did come look at it, and he found a leak in the faucet and so set out to repair that.  That particular leak could not possibly be the cause of it since the water is on the floor and the faucet is high up in the sink but he checked the hall closet to see if there was any dampness there from a leak and found nothing...it was totally dry.I later checked that myself too.  He did return to repair the leak around 1:00 and so the faucet is no longer leaking water into the sink.

There was no dampness in the shelving that is below the sink or the cabinets...I had already checked them..

So tonight after the sun went down, I noticed that a water spot was back on the floor. It was a rather big spot and I wiped it up...But I decided then to film everything from then on.  More smaller spots then came back in the center of the floor where I filmed them as best I could. They can be seen.  When I put them on Facebook I could see the similarity between the spots pattern to recognize the triangle ufo's that are often seen int he air. I had seen that particular area as looking like a kite because the four spots formed a kite like appearance or diamond appearance with two other spots spaced much farther away.

Since I took the videos with my htc phone I have them on the phone and on Facebook for anyone who wants to see them to view them...

They stayed for about 15 minutes and after I finished filming the last video after 15 minutes of first appearing that I noticed, they up and disappeared. I was surprised that they lasted as long as 15 minutes even.  They are easily seen. I did my best to capture them.

IL DIVO - I Will Always Love You with Lyrics

Part 4-Birthday finally happens today.

Here I am 75 years old and facing the fact that I do not have health insurance, but have applied for care.  I do not know how this is going to resolve itself out.  I do have a medicare number as I have used my medicare card in the past. I am on the look for it.  It must be here somewhere.

I watched Barack Obama and French President Hollande in their press conference today.  It was quite interesting to see and Barack Obama looked good to me.

Finally, I learned what has become of Marcello.  He was last in Sandra's care. She told me that she had put him in the toilet with instructions not to let him out.  But when she came home, the doors were all open and he was gone.  That is all I know.

I am slowly recovering from a terrible infection as I believe it is gone but the area where the stitches were made is still sore and in healing process. I have an appointment with Dr. Liu who is the hand doctor on Thursday, the 13th early in the morning.I am hoping the area where he made the incision will be much improved then.  The rest of the hand is near normal now. I dress the wound myself and check it very carefully.

We have a new manager but the owner remains the same so I just learned.  I took a look at the rents on the apartment here and learned that there are others who pay the same amount that I pay.

I did not yet talk with the manager but a man who was there said that probably mine would remain the same.  If it does, I will not entertain thoughts of moving but I must know with enough time to find another place to live.

Most likely, I will be here for another year.  But I am going to change my lifestyle now that I am slowly getting back on my feet after too many years of deprivation.  I want to have some fun now.  I don't want to stay home all the time just wasting away.  I will travel a lot now while I have the health, legs, and will to do it...Hope I can get all this under control now.

frustration

Part 3 Hospitalization - Coming home

In comparison to the tragedy unfolding in Syria, my little health problem is minor.  But for me, it is a very big deal and this is why.  One, I have not had a steady full time job since 1974.  I have had part time jobs and most were short term.  I had trouble finding employment after leaving California.  In fact, a banker in Florida told me that I was supposed to stay in California.  I wondered what the heck is that...how and why could a banker tell me such a thing as that...In fact, I think it was programmed for me to go to Florida at that time, but that is all water under the bridge. I became a full time student after a while it seemed to me.

What all this has to do with Marcello?  I do not have health insurance. How could I?  Were it not for Marcello I would have no need of any now. I am one of those who distinguishes between a real need for medicine and medical treatment and what I call hypochondria. I am anything but hypochondriac.

Because I have knowledge in the medical area, I am well aware when one really needs the services of a health worker and a doctor and when one is just getting sympathetic attention.

Because I knew I needed help I am not so foolish as not to take it as well.

So when I came home, because I had given permission for Marcello to stay in the apartment thinking that I would keep him when I got out, I let him stay here unattended but with food and water and litter enough for the days that I was in the hospital.  He was disoriented when I first entered the apartment, and it took him some time to readjust to my being home, and his being able to get out of doors finally.  Eventually, after some exploring he began to feel accustomed to me and the outdoors as well. I would not touch him or put a harness on him. I let him roam freely.

He came up and crawled up on my lap, and I petted his head. He was acting sorry, but suspicious, so he stood atop me on my lap and I shooed him down and got up.  I was a bit apprehensive about him as well.  But we were getting along fine, and he would wander in and out, wondering why I wasn't coming out to check on him. Once I did, and he was sitting in his usual spot, and looked up at me as he had always done.  I went indoors.   Next thing I hear a huge scuffling sound. I did not witness this so I do not know what happened. but I could tell that there was some fight going on.  I went out to see what the trouble was.  A woman stood next to the mailboxes holding her dog in her arms, shouting at me, Is that your white cat there? I said yes it is.  She said, Well your cat attacked my dog.  I said, Oh, well, he had attacked me too.  How is the dog?   She pointed to a place to say your cat was over there... He was back where I had last seen him, and she turned to go up to the office to complain. I called 911 to make a report, found them lacking and useless in this case, and so went inside.

I called Marcello and he came over as I opened the door to the shed, in which he walked in himself, and I closed the door on him to leave him there for the night. He was no problem to me at all.

Kelly came to my door and asked me about it.  I will omit the details of my neighbor who is a part of this scenario because I want to keep my blood pressure low.

Later that evening, animal control came by and went from one side of the apartment to the other.  It turns out that they were called in because of some dog, and they would not take Marcello with them since I am his owner, and I must do it myself.  Exasperation at the country rules now.

I then sent many messages to Sandra being urged by my neighbor who was hysterical and out of her mind, and insisting that I get Sandra to do something for me.  What a problem...Sandra was so good as to be very understanding as she had to have reread my constant torrent of emails and messages to her.  She came the next morning to pick him up and to take him to her apartment once again.  For now, this is where I will end to pick up again later.

Frank Sinatra - That's Life

Hospitalization Part 2

The first night that I came home, the pain was so severe I could hardly believe it, and I had not been given any pain medicine so that I was up all night with Marcello sleeping on the ironing board, or on the floor.  He had been let in after I came home Sunday and he was tentatively staying friendly with me but also he stayed away from me as well.  He seemed to be contrite but afraid of what I might do as well.  I had prayed all night long, and I had been up every hour so that I got no rest whatsoever, but was tired and weary when I returned to the emergency room.  A different doctor was on duty who had to get the original doctor to discuss the case, and they looked at it but still sent me home not letting me think that I would be admitted.  The second doctor said he would be there the following day and to be sure to come back to treat the wound.  I was a bit naive I guess...I had been taking the antibiotics but the fever and the infection, swelling, and redness was all very strong and very high. I had been given a tetanus shot when I had first gone into the emergency room on Sunday.

Then I had called the breeder of Marcello who came to take him to her apartment so that he would not be a problem for me.  She took me to the emergency room on Monday I believe, and so she sat and listened to what they were saying. She had started to treat the wound but the bandages were so high and deep and stuck with blood that she decided that we should go to the e.r. to have them do it.  I recall that on Monday we took Marcello to animal control but were given a bad time there so we ended up bringing him back and she took him to her home...that is what happened. I am trying to remember all this now...My neighbor took me to the e.r. on Tuesday thinking that i would be going in to be out in half an hour so that she did not stay with me but I had to call her to tell her when to pick me up.  Because the wound seemed to be creeping up my arm instead of receding, they decided that I would need intravenous feeding of antibiotics so that they then had me admitted as an inpatient.

I was moved to the other part of the hospital where they had a room for me.  I had been given a gauze pad and gauze along with some ointment to put on top of it but I never did get to use any of that until after I left the hospital..Fortunately, it was here so that I could use it when I got back home.  Funny thing is that I had a roommate at the hospital whose name is the same as mine.  We eventually came to be acquainted with one another, and she is a lovely lady who will be in the hospital for some time yet.

Because she was being treated round the clock and I was being treated round the clock, I did not get any sleep at all that first night that I was there.  I had found two lovely ladies from Boxnia were my nurses and nurses's aide, and so I got my first dose of what it is like to be a hospital patient. I had never been admitted to a hospital until now except for an emergency room once years ago at St. Joe's.

By the time I got into that room, I had seen five different doctors.  I cannot believe what this bill will be for this experience.  I had a different nurse and aide every time we turned around.  I ate a little while there but not very much. I had asked if there were any rules or regulations to follow as the emergency room doctor had given me my set of patient's rights to read.  There is little difference between jails and hospitals, believe it or not.

So Thursday night I am prepared for o.r. Operating Room.  I was taken down to the O.R. where I met the nicest and friendliest nurse.  I am one of those people who changes according to environment, and I myself do not always know how I will behave in any situation until I am there.  I could hardly believe what came over me while in that environment. It was cold, sterile, and efficient.  We discussed drugs, blood types, and age differences. I had been placed on the floor for the elderly care patients by the way.  So it turns out that i am the doctor's last patient that night, and suddenly in breezes a woman who has a very commanding, sharp, business like, and authoritative presence.Just as the police will question you over and over on the same subject so do hospitals...all your medical history is repeated, and so she began her questioning.  I did like her as I had been apprehensive about going under, and had to recall when I had had my teeth pulled that I had been under then but came out of it. Twice I had been under at a dentist's office.

She then explains to me what will happen, and another nurse comes out, puts a hat on me so I look like everyone else, and then I am wheeled into surgery, and just like that I am out, and back in the recovery room with Maria, one of the nicest nurses that I had met. Also very efficient, businesslike and efficient.  What a time there is in going to a hospital.  Then I am taken back upstairs to continue to spend the night, and get antibiotics pumped into me.   They take your blood every morning, and they pump antibiotics into you at a variety of intervals.

Next thing is the problem of doctors because everyone had thought I was going home on Thursday so for sure I had been told by one doctor it would be Friday and sure enough, finally on Friday, after being moved from Room 508 to 501 I am in a room with another woman who had just suffered a severe boating accident.  I am walking around, looking at my hand which looked great, cleaned up, all swelling gone, and back to being white again instead of red.  I wanted to get home.

Finally, after fussing a lot and making certain I get a doctor come up as these nurses make me furious changing their stories from day to day I insisted that I get a doctor to approve my going home. I was beginning to feel as though I was not ever going to get out of there.  I found a ride home, and was told how to proceed, and finally a doctor did come up, approve my getting out, as my hand was good then...

Finally, I got out!  Fresh air and sunshine at last!  Nothing worst than being confined to a hospital bed.

I am now taking care of myself. I have to make appointments to see two doctors and to find a primary doctor. I have not had a doctor in all the time I have lived in Arizona.  There is a story about that that I will not think about right now..

I have to go to social security to see about medicare.  End of story for now.

Hospitalization

Exactly one week ago today I made a serious mistake when walking my cat.  This is a very sad story. I shall try to tell it as much in detail as I can.

I live in an apartment which is located right next to a major road, a parking lot, and the apartment permits cats and dogs to live here. There are more dogs here than cats and most cats are indoors but I always took  my cat out in the morning to get exercise and to sniff and snoop at any and everything that he wanted.   I placed a harness which is a bungee type harness so that it fits around his shoulders instead of around his neck, and had a bungee leash so that it could be extended. Onto that leash I added two other leashes so that he had an extra long leash to give him lots of room to be far away from me whenever I held it.

I had noticed that when I took Marcello in that he had a look in his eye which often looked mean, cruel, and nasty. He has a disposition which is split personality: mean and nasty or very sweet and loving, kiss and lick anyone and everyone if he could.  But his mean side bothered me and I noticed that when we walked at times that it would suddenly come over him. His eyes would change color, his facial shape change even into a mean,nasty bad cat look that really is intimidating and frightening. He is a mean cat and bad cat many times, and I was always aware of it so that I protected myself whenever I could see it come on.  It would come on so that he would turn his eyes into narrow little slits and he would snarl meanly. I would say stop that. Sometimes I would even pet him saying calm down now.  But he could be dangerous, and I learned early on that he could bite me. I suffered a bad arm bite one time when trying to put his harness on him.  I should have then made certain that he would not be around me but I foolishly kept him as his sweet side seemed to adore me.

I kept him away from other animals because he is aggressive and can be dangerous if threatened and frightened.

So I  used the harness often to carry him with his face away from me so that he could not attack me. Unfortunately, last Sunday he took me down the alley path where his mean personality suddenly came on, and he began to snap and snarl.  We were almost home and I wanted to go home but he seemed not to want to go that way, and began to snarl at me  I then picked him up, and because his harness was not tightened enough, he was able to whirl around and sink his teeth into my hand. He bit once a small bite, but then bit again, and then sank his teeth in, biting furiously. He was furious, and I threw him down, and said,"Why you little devil, you are trying to kill me." Whenever i moved, he tried to move towards my leg as if he would bite me there too, and I said loudly, "You stay away from me.  Don't come near me. "  I walked away backing from him and went to the apartment to get some hydrogen peroxide to put on the wound. When I saw how deep it was and how quickly it was swelling I knew I had to get to the emergency room. I was scared to death to be honest, and afraid that it would be badly infected.  He tried to run after me to get inside the apartment but I closed the door on him and would not let him in. I tried to go to my car twice to drive myself down, but I backed out each time  because I just could not do it. So went back and found Chuck the gardener who said he would take me.  I was scared that I would be in real trouble which as it turns out I am.

I went to emergency where I was treated by a good doctor who told me that he would not keep the cat, and that cat bite is such a serious problem that I should be very careful.  He sucked out the blood and tried to get the bacteria out, stitched it, gave me a prescription, and sent me home. I got the prescription, and had to go back the following day as they wanted to see how the wound was doing.  I went back the next day, and the infection was bad, so that they treated it, redressed it, and sent me home to come back following day for a different doctor to inspect.  I went to the new doctor who said that it is getting worse, and that I would have to be admitted. I had not anticipated that or I would have taken things with me for my phones, my amusement, whatever, that would get me through  it. I was admitted on Tuesday, and had to take IV treatments of antibiotics for the rest of the week, not knowing how soon I would be released.

Finally, it seemed that I could go home Thursday but when the surgical doctor looked at it he said that he would not send me home like that, and that we had to schedule surgery. I was scared at that, and at first did not want to do it until I learned that it was the same treatment that I had had in the emergency room.  However, instead of being an outpatient I was an inpatient. It meant that I would have to have an anesthesiologist, and that I would be put under while he treated me hand.

Now that was an experience I will write about in the next blog insert.  Publishing this now to take a break to watch Olympic stuff and then return to discuss remainder of hand treatment.